Philip J. Fry quotes from Futurama

Prof. Farnsworth

Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building.

Fry

Alright!

Leela

Yeah!

Prof. Farnsworth

In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

We are free and fairly sober

Fry

Which is good because we don't intend to pay

The elves are back to work today

Leela

Then you'll all work triple shifts

It's back to work on Xmas Eve

Hooray.

Leela

And though you're cold and sore and ugly

Fry

Let my happy smile warm your hearts

There's a toy lodged in my brain

We are getting awfully tired

Bender

Why you selfish little bastards!

Now it's very nearly Xmas

Fry

These toy soldiers are poorly painted

Leela

And they're made from inferior wood

Bender

I should give you all a beating

Robot Santa

If I wasn't stuck here frozen

Now it's back into our tenements

Leela

You did the best you could I guess

HOORAY!

We're adequate!

The elves have rescued Xmas Day

Fry

Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing.

Bender

I'll get my kit!

Fry

Here lies Philip J. Fry, named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit.

Bender

Pay dirt! I've got the clover! Plus, his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

Leela

Uhh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone.

Bender

All right, grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Fry

Gosh, my old neighborhood. That's the bench where I found some shirts. That fire hydrant. In the summer, we'd light it on fire. On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a socialist newsletter.

Bender

Was it poorly Xeroxed?

Fry

You better believe it.

Leela

The old comedians were right. This place is a lot different from L.A.

Prof. Farnsworth

Good news, everyone! I'm sending you on a highly controversial mission.

Fry

Controversial?

Prof. Farnsworth

Oh, my, no.

Bender

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain?

Fry

Fine, I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt!

Bender

Eh, I've heard better.

Fry

What happened?

Dr. Zoidberg

All 6,000 hulls have been breached.

Fry

Oh, the fools! Why didn't they build it with 6,001 hulls?! When will they learn?

Fry

No fair! Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit in her lap and steer... in this comic I drew.

Dr. Zoidberg

[Grabs comic] Ooh, the new one's out!

Leela

Why weren't you kong donkeys outside cleaning up?

Dr. Zoidberg

They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... [he turns his head, revealing egg yolks dripping from his fronds] and eating penguin eggs.

Fry

You ate most of them.

Fry

Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you?

Prof. Farnsworth

Hmm, I'm not quite sure. Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a slight delirium. Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose.

Fry

I wish! It's a nickel.

Fry

Wait a minute! I know what's going on here... you've all become IDIOTS!

Bender

Hey, let's all join the Reform Party!

Leela

[handing Fry a note] This. You for this.

Fry

Thanks.

Leela

Noooooooo! [reaches into the fire] OWWWWW! Fire hot!

Professor Farnsworth

[comes over] The Professy will help! [reaches into the fire] AHHH! Fire INDEED hot!

Leela

Brain! Brain make people dumb!

Fry

No, Leela. Brain make people SMART.

Fry

[to the Big Brain] I'm here to kick your ass!

Wishful thinking! We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses!