Look, [Long pause] Precious. Mike's not worth this, you're an attractive, intelligent woman and, let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang. I mean, he proposed to me while he was still seeing you, he was gonna break up with you on your birthday? And, I don't like to kiss and tell, but he cheated on you a lot this weekend.
PPrecious
Oh my god, you know? Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't need him. I deserve to be treated with respect [Mike comes in] Screw you, Mike, you're a coward and a bastard and I hope you rot in hell! [Slaps him and leaves]
Ah, love. L-O-V-E, love. L is for life. And what is life without love?
[to Joey and Charlie] Oh my, are we supposed to answer?
O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
[Joey and Chandler are discussing Joey's impending date with Rachel.]
Wow, so tonight might be the night. You nervous?
Nah. This is the part I'm actually good at.
What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?
TSTanning Salon Guy
Alright Mr. Geller, right this way. So, how dark do you want to be? We have 1, 2, or 3.
Well uh, I like how you look, what are you?
TSTanning Salon Guy
Puerto Rican.
It's still nap time. She'll be up soon.
I said, it's still nap time.
[Joey awakes from his nap.]
There's Uncle Joey! Say something to Emma for her 18th birthday!
[starts to turn on his charm for the camera] 18, huh?
[switches off the camera] NO!
It's for her hot friends!
When they see this you'll be 52!
And starting to think about settling down!
Ross, don't forget to take a shot of Emma's cake. It's in a box in the fridge.
[to Monica] You're going to love this cake! I got from from a bakery in New Jersey, Carino's!
That place has the creamiest frosting! I used to hitchhike there when I was a kid!
Well, they make make these great novelty cakes in different shapes; and if you give them a photo, they'll copy it in icing!
Did you do a picture of Emma?
On a cake shaped like a bunny!
Does this bakery by any chance bake erotic cakes, for bachelorette parties?
What are you talking? -OH, MY...! They put my baby's face on a penis!
[Everyone rushes to see the cake.]
This is not funny! If I wanted this cake to be a disaster, I would have baked it myself!
Is it okay that I still think it looks delicious?
I know what you're thinking! The resemblance is uncanny!
[Everyone turns to look at Ross]
[angry] I am THIS close to tugging on my testicles again!!
[on the phone] No, this is NOT what I ordered! I drove to New Jersey to get my daughter a cake for her birthday and I need a bunny cake right now!
Ask them if it would be faster to cut the baby's face off the penis and put it on the bunny. [to himself] That is a weird sentence.
[on the phone with the bakery] Oh, believe you me, I am going to bring this cake back. I don't even want it in my home... JOEY, DON'T TOUCH IT!
I still want my daughter's face on a cake, but a bunny cake! Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts!
To be fair, this one does have nuts.
Finished my recommendation, and I think you'll be very, very happy. It's the longest I've ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.
Some of the words a little too sophisticated for you?
It doesn't make any sense.
Of course it does. It's smart. I used a thesaurus.
What was this sentence originally?
Oh, "They're warm, nice people with big hearts."
And that became, "They're humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens with full-sized aortic pumps."
And hey, I really mean it, dude.
Uh, Joey, I don't think we can use this.
Well, because you signed it "Baby Kangaroo" Tribbiani.
[to Ross] Hey, I have some time, if you wanna... [smiles seductively]
Oh, I'd love to, but I really have to grade these papers.
Fine, I'll just shower by myself...
[frenzied scribbling] B, B, B!
Uh, Ross, you just gave a B to a Pottery Barn catalog.
It had some good ideas. Take off your shirt.
