[Ross, Chandler and Joey are at Central Perk, talking about Rachel's 18-page letter.]
She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went went wrong in our relationship! She goes on for five pages about how I was "unfaithful" to her! WE WERE ON A BREAK!
If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you!
Fine! But this breakup was not all my fault. And at then she goes, "If you accept full responsibility-full responsibility -I can begin to trust you again. Does that sound like something you can do? Does it?
Look, you have what you want, you're back with Rachel! If you bring this up, you'll wreck the best thing that's ever happened to you.
You're right... Okay, I'll let it go. But you realize how hard it is to forget about it!
Sure it's hard! But that doesn't mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that beach trip that we should [turns to Chandler] never EVER talk about!
What the hell happened on that beach?!
It's between us and the sea, Ross!
And for the record, it took two people to break this relationship!
Yeah! You and that girl from the copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!
I didn't know what I was taking responsibility for! I didn't finish the letter!
It was five-thirty in the morning! And you had rambled on for eighteen pages! Front and back! [leaves the room, then turns around] And by the way, y-o-u-apostrophe -r-e is "you are". Y-o-u-r is "your"!
I can't believe I even thought of getting back together with you! We are soooo over!
[fakes beginning of sniveling and interrupts it saying...] FINE BY ME!
And those little spelling tips will come in handy when you're home on Saturday nights playing scrabble with Monica!
Sorry! But I feel bad about all that sleep you'll miss wishing you were with me!
Oh, no, don't worry about me "falling asleep." I still have your letter! [walks out]
And, hey, just so you know -- it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal! [slams door, revealing Chandler behind it]
Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
Alright, alright. I got stung. I got stung bad. I couldn't stand. I couldn't walk.
We were two miles from the house. We were scared and alone. We didn't think we could make it.
And I was tired from digging a huge hole!
And then Joey remembered something...
I'd seen this thing on The Discovery Channel .
Wait a minute, I saw that, on The Discovery Channel . About jellyfish, and how if you... Eww! You peed on yourself?
You can't say that! You don't know! I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. Anyway, I tried, but I couldn't...bend that way. So...
PR Phoebe, Ross, Rachel
[turning to the guys] Eww!
Yeah that's right. I stepped up! She's my friend and she needed help. And if I have to I'd pee on any one of you. Only, I couldn't... I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was just too much pressure. So, so I turned to Chandler.
[moans] Joey kept screaming at me. Do it now, do it, do it, do it, do it now! Sometimes late at night I can still hear the screaming.
[chuckles] That's cause sometimes I scream it through my wall just to freak you out.
Maybe there's someone you can talk to.
Yeah like who? There's no group for people like us.
Wow, they really got you guys, your T.V., the chairs...
Yeah. Your microwave, the stereo...
Aw, man! He took the five of spades!
[looks through deck]
Oh no, no, here it is.
[reffering to the guy that just robbed them] You know what I'm going to do next time I see that guy?
[Monica has just walked in on Joey and Chandler's freshly robbed by a stupid move by Joey apartment]
Well, let's see, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed.
[Chandler rips his shirt on the Joey's entertainment center]
[Joey looks slightly annoyed]
Who many times do I have to tell you; you turn and slide? You know? Turn and slide.
But you don't turn and slide, you throw it out ! I'm tired of having to get a tetanus shot every time I get dressed.
Well, we're not throwing it out. I built this thing with my own hands.
Alright how 'bout we. How 'bout we sell it?
[Comes home to find all their possessions gone] OH MY GOD!
[Yelling from inside the entertainment center] WHAT?
[letting Joey out] Are you alright?
Aw man, he said he wouldn't take the chairs!
What the hell happened? How were you locked in and where the hell is all of our stuff?!
This guy came by to look at the unit and he didn't think it was big enough to fit a grown man.
So you got in there voluntarily?
I was trying to make a sale. Oh man if I ever see that guy again, you know what I'm gonna do?
J Joanna
What are you doing?
When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.
[Joanna runs into her fawning assistant Sophie.]
S Sophie
Hi! I brought you back a macaroon!
J Joanna
Oh, great! I'll keep it in my butt with your nose.
Well... everyone seems to like your dish.
I thought it was... quite tasty.
So if everyone liked it, and you liked it, that would make this a success, which would make you...
Well, I was going for "wrong", but we can use your word.
Please don't kick Monica and Rachel out! This wasn't their fault, it was mine.
T Mr. Treeger
You want me to kick you guys out instead?
No, you can't do that. Where would the chick and the duck live?
T Mr. Treeger
You have pets?
No-no-no-no, those are nicknames. I'm the chick and Chandler is the duck.
T Mr. Treeger
Huh... I would've thought it was the other way around.
T Mr. Treeger
Hey, Duck. Is Chick home?
T Mr. Treeger
Okay. [to Chandler] Thanks, man.
No problem... bunny... rabbit.
[to Joey] Hey, how goes the dancing? Gay yet?
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