Phoebe Buffay quotes from Friends

Phoebe

A plate of brownies once told me a limerick.

Chandler

Were those funny brownies?

Phoebe

Not especially, but you know what, I think they had pot in them.

Joey

My agent just called me with an audition for Days of Our Lives!

Phoebe

Oh, well, we have to celebrate. You know what we should do? We should do, like, a soap opera theme.

Chandler

Hey, yeah, we could all sleep together and then one of us could get amnesia.

Maybe if you just played some... regular kiddie songs?

Phoebe

No. What do you, what do you want me to be -- like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur?

I'm not saying you have to be Barney.

Phoebe

Who's Barney?

Chandler

He could've gotten me a hat or a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me THE WOMEN REPELLER! The eyesore from the LIBERACE HOUSE OF CRAP!

Phoebe

It's not that bad.

Chandler

Easy for you to say; you don't have to go around wearing a REJECT from the MR. T COLLECTION! [Imitating Mr. T] "I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry! I do, I do!"

Phoebe

Is this how it's going to work? Ross equals boss? What is this? 1922?

Rachel

What's with 1922?

Phoebe

Just... a really long time ago, when men used to tell women what do to a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing, but it sounds horrible.

Rachel

Phoebe, how could you do this to me? This was all your idea!

Phoebe

I know, I know, and I was going to get it, but then he came in with this needle, and d--did you know they do this with needles?

Rachel

Really! You don't say! Because mine was licked on by kittens!

Phoebe

You are not gonna believe this: I have just been discovered!

Chandler

Now, wait a minute. I claimed you in the name of France four years ago!

Phoebe

He resurfaces like every couple years and we have the most amazing three days together.

Rachel

So, wait -- this guy goes down for, like, two years at a time?

Monica

That'll teach you to lick my muffin.

Ross

Oh, look, look, a low budget puppet show!

Phoebe

[laughs Sarcastically] It's such a shame you can't see what finger I'm holding up.

Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube, with men, thinking about this moment. I am not going to let a bunch of, itchy spots stand between us.

Phoebe

Okay, this is the most romantic disease I have ever had.

Rachel

No way! The most romantic song ever was The Way We Were.

Phoebe

Uh, see, I... I think the one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on "Who's the Boss?"

Phoebe

Um, Hold Me Close, Young Tony Danza.

Ross

It starts at eight. We can't be late.

Phoebe

We could not, would not, want to wait!

Monica

What kind of martial arts is that?

Phoebe

No kind.

Chandler

I'm never gonna find a roommate, ever.

Phoebe

Why, nobody good?

Chandler

Well let's see, there was the guy with the ferrets, that's plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. "Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing, Bing! Great apartment, Chandler Bing, BING!"

Ross

So how many more do you have tomorrow?

Chandler

Two. This photographer, who seemed really dull. And this actor guy, who I'm not sure about, because when he called and I answered the phone "Chandler Bing," he said "Whoa, short message."

Ross

Hey, where is everyone?

Phoebe

Oh, its already closed. Chris gave me the keys to lock up. What's wrong?

Ross

My marriage, I think my marriage is, um, kind of over.

Phoebe

Oh no! Why?

Ross

Because Carol's a lesbian... and... and I'm not one.