Phoebe Buffay quotes from Friends

Phoebe

Hey you know what I just realised?, Joker is Poker with a J! -- Coincidence?

Chandler

Hey, that's Joincidence with a C!

Joey

Mr. Peanut is a better dresser. I mean he's got the monocle, he's got the top hat...

Phoebe

You know he's gay?

Ross

I just wanna clarify this: Are you outing Mr. Peanut?

Chandler

Oh, come on. You told me about the last dream.

Rachel

No, forget it.

Chandler

Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy?

Rachel

All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there... Joey was there, too.

Joey

All right!

Ross

Was there... uh, huh, huh, huh... anybody, anybody else there?

Rachel

No.

Ross

You're sure? Nobody uh, handed out, uh, mints or anything?

Rachel

No, it was just the three of us.

Ross

Huh!

Joey

So, tell me. Was it, like, you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler?

Phoebe

That is so sweet, you guys. [hugs them]

Phoebe

Thanks, Ross!

Ross

I'm paying you to stop.

Ross

[To Susan] It's because of you we are stuck here.

Phoebe

Hi I am Ben. Ben to the rescue.

Joey

I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey -- but at the end of two weeks, I get 700 dollars!

Phoebe

Wow! Ooh, you're going to be making money hand-over-fist!

Ross

Hey, is Rachel here? Um, I wanted to wish her a happy birthday before I left.

Monica

Oh, no, she's out having drinks with Carl.

Ross

Oh. Hey, who's Carl?

Monica

You know that guy she met at the coffeehouse?

Ross:

No.

Phoebe

Oh, well, you see, there's this guy she met at the...

Ross

At the coffeehouse, right?

Phoebe

So you do know who he is!

Phoebe

[regarding Ross' birthday gift to Rachel] I can't believe he got you that! It must've cost him a fortune!

Chandler

Oh, come on. Ross? Remember back in college when he fell in love with Carol and got her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?

Rachel

What did you just say?

Chandler

[Realizing he'd just revealed Ross' feelings, he stumbles] Crystal duck.

Rachel

No, no, the love part.

Chandler

[Hyperventilating] Flennen!

Rachel

Oh, my...!

Chandler

[rubbing his temples] Oh, no, no, no!

Joey

That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time

Rachel

Ah. All this time he was in love with me. [Moving near Joey] What else did he say? He wanted to ask me out for a coffee?

Joey

Given that he is desperately in love with you, I'd bet he would like to have a cup of coffee.

Chandler

What about the time difference?

Monica

From here to airport?

Chandler

Yes..!

Monica

What you gonna say to him?

Rachel

I don't know, maybe if i see him i will know.

Phoebe

[Picks up Ross's photo and walks to Rach] How about now? [Phoebes keeps Ross's photo up her face and acts like Ross] Does this help?

Rachel

No. [Walks out]

Chandler

[yells] HEY. I LOVE YOU TOO.! Deal with me first.

Monica

Phoebe, listen. You were with me and we were shopping all day.

Phoebe

What?

Monica

We were shopping and we had lunch.

Phoebe

Oh, all right. What did I have?

Monica

You had a salad.

Phoebe

Oh. No wonder I don't feel full.

Rachel

[Enters] Hey, guys. What's up?

Phoebe

I went shopping with Monica all day and I had a salad.

Rachel

Good, Pheebs. What'd you buy?

Phoebe

Umm, we went shopping for, umm, for... fur.

Rachel

You went shopping for fur?

Phoebe

Yes... [Realizes what she said] And then I realized I'm against that... and, uh, so then we bought some... [Monica is pointing at her chest behind Rachel's back] uhh, boobs.

Rachel

You bought boobs?

Phoebe

Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.

Phoebe

Okay, y'know there's a lot of things I don't believe in, but that doesn't mean that they aren't true. Like...the Bermuda Triangle. Or crop circles. Or evolution.

Ross

Whoa, whoa...you don't believe in evolution?

Phoebe

Nope, not really.

Ross

You don't believe in evolution?!

Phoebe

No, I think it's a good story... y'know, Darwin, monkeys... but I just don't buy it.

Ross

Evolution is not something for you to buy, evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.

Phoebe

Oh, okay -- don't get me started on gravity.

Ross

You, uh, you don't believe in gravity?

Phoebe

Well, it's not so much that, you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just... I don't know. Lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.

Chandler

Uh-oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed. Quick, Pheebs, up on the ceiling!

Rachel

[To Chandler] You're not gonna end up alone.

Phoebe

Chandler, you called Janice! That's how much you wanted to be with someone!

Monica

You made it!

Phoebe

You're there!

Rachel

You are ready to make a commitment!

Chandler

Whoa! Don't know about that.

Phoebe

I wasn't in love with him, and I was just helping out a friend.

Monica

Please, when he left town you stayed in your pajamas for a month! AND I saw you eat a cheeseburger.

Monica

Well? Didn't you?

Phoebe

I might've...

Monica

I can't believe you didn't tell me.

Phoebe

Oh, come on, like you tell me everything?

Monica

What have I not told you?

Phoebe

[smiling] Oh, I dunno, um, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace!

Monica

WHAT?! Wait a minute! Who told you?!

Monica

You are dead meat.

Chandler

I didn't know it was a big secret.

Monica

[smiles] Oh, it's not big. Not at all. Kinda on the same lines as, say, I don't know, having a THIRD NIPPLE!

Phoebe

You have a third nipple?

Chandler

[to Monica] You bitch.

Ross

Whip it out, whip it out!

Chandler

Come on, there's nothing to see! It's just a tiny bump. It's totally useless!

Rachel

Oh, as, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?

Joey

I can't believe you- you told me it was a nubbin!

Ross

Joey, what'd you think a nubbin was?

Joey

I dunno, you see something, you hear a word, I thought that's what it was.

Lemme see it! Show us! I wanna see!

Chandler

JOEY WAS IN A PORNO MOVIE!

Chandler

If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me.

Phoebe

I'm just gonna pass on the concert, 'cause I'm just not in a very Hootie place right now.

Rachel

Me neither.

Joey

Me, too.

Monica

Guys, we bought the tickets.

Phoebe

Oh, well, then you'll have extra seats, you know, for all your tiaras and stuff.

Chandler

Why did you look at me when you said that?

Chandler

All right, check out this bad boy. Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.

Phoebe

Wow. What are you gonna use it for?

Chandler

Games and stuff.