Phoebe Buffay quotes from Friends

Phoebe

She didn't tell me I was gonna die until the very end of the session, and I was not going to waste a whole another hour there! I mean, I've only got a week left, you know? I've really got to start living now! [Picks up a car magazine and reads it]

Phoebe

Me, I'm more free. You know, I run like I did when I was a kid because that's the only way it's fun. You know? I mean, didn't you even run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off? You know, like when you were running towards the swings, or running away from Satan?

Phoebe

The neighbor's dog.

Phoebe

[to Ross] You bought your sheets at a flea market? Come on, Ross, you gotta loosen the pursestrings a little!

Phoebe

[singing]: It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see,

Phoebe

[to beeping fire alarm] WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Phoebe

I may play the fool at times, but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit.

Phoebe

That is brand new information!!

Phoebe

No, don't tear out your eye!!

Phoebe

 I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I'm really busy that day. I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun Bar Mitzvah. 

Phoebe

OK, for a girl: Phoebe; and for a boy: Phoebo. [Phoebeau?]

Phoebe

We've tried feeding, drinking and diaper changing. Oh, here's something: "Go back in time and listen to Phoebe."

Phoebe

Pick up the sock, pick up the sock, PICK UP THE SOOOOOOOOOCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!! [Her friends stare at her, scared] I'm sorry, was that rude? Di-di-did my little "outburst" blunt the HIDEOUSNESS that is this evening?!

Phoebe

[playing guitar and singing] And there's a country called Argentinaaaa, it's a place I've never seeeeen. But I'm told for fifty pesos you can buy a human spleen. Humaaan spleeeeen. Olè! [Olé is spanish, but anyway..., and they speak Spanish in Agentina, but anyway...]

Monica

There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!

Joey

C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!

Chandler

Alright Joey, be nice.

Chandler

[to Monica] So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?

Phoebe

Wait, does he eat chalk?

Phoebe

Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!

Monica

Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.

Chandler

Sounds like a date to me.

Chandler

Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realise I am totally naked.

Oh, yeah. Had that dream.

Chandler

Then I look down, and I realise there's a phone... there.

Joey

Instead of...?

Chandler

That's right.

Joey

Never had that dream.

Phoebe

No.

Chandler

All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I dont know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.

Monica

They weren't looking at you before?

Chandler

Finally, I figure I better answer it. And it turns out it's my mother, which is very very weird, because- she never calls me!