Monica Geller quotes from Friends

Monica

[Browsing through their CD's] Honey, the Miami Vice Soundtrack, really?

Chandler

They were just giving those away at the store... in exchange for money.

Chandler

Honey, we are so meant to be. Look, we both have copies of the 'Annie' soundtrack!

Monica

Honey? Both yours.

Rachel

What's the final head count on my baby shower?

Phoebe

About twenty. A couple of people from work had something else to do.

Monica

Also, both of your sisters called, and neither can make it.

Rachel

What? You mean they're not coming to a social event where there's no men and no booze? That's shocking!

Monica

Hey Joey, come taste this.

Joey

What is it?

Monica

Remember that guy that gave me a bad review? Well... [Feeds him a spoonful of what she's cooking] I'm getting my revenge!

Joey

You cooked him?

Joey

Well I had a great time! Learned how to bake, ate great food, that's the first A I've gotten since seventh grade, and I didn't have to sleep with the teacher this time.

Monica

Oh, look! Acting for Beginners! Want to feel good about yourself?

Joey

What the hell!

Monica

Okay.

All right, let's start with some basics. Can anybody tell me what the difference between frontstage and backstage is?

Monica

I can't believe this is taking so long. How're you doing?

Rachel

Not bad. You know that feeling where you try to blow a St. Bernard out your ass?

Ross

And soon someone will call her "Mom."

Rachel

Mon, what am I gonna do? It's been hours and it won't stop crying.

Monica

"She," Rach. Not "it." She.

Rachel

Yeah. I'm not so sure.

Monica

I can't believe it, she's asleep. I got her to go to sleep. I have actual magical powers!

Phoebe

I can hear traffic and birds. I can hear the voices in my head again!

Rachel

I wonder why Ross said that he died?

Monica

Oh, maybe he was getting him confused with his childhood therapist.

Chandler

He saw a therapist?

Monica

He used to have this recurring nightmare. It really freaked him out.

Rachel

Wow, what was it?

Monica

That I was going to eat him.

Rachel

[Rachel's cell phone rings] Hello?

Monica

Hey, Rach, it's me. Okay, I just got to Chandler's room, and I caught him... molesting himself.

Rachel

Ohh... that couldn't have been pretty. But you know? Guys do that.

Monica

Yeah? Uh, well, the weird part is... he was getting off... to a shark attack show!

Rachel

[gasp] No!

Monica

Yes! Chandler watches shark porn!

Monica

Why don't you sit down... get yourself comfortable... because I have a little surprise for you.

Chandler

Well, well, well. It must be five in Tulsa because it's "sex o'clock" in NYC!

Monica

Okay, this is how much I love you.

Chandler

Honey? Why am I watching a bunch of sharks swimming around?

Monica

Oh, is, is this not the good part? Do you want me to fast-forward to something... toothier?

Chandler

No, I'm just not sure that y-you got the right movie, that's all.

Monica

Oh. Well this is the only one they had at our video store. Oh, but they did have something called "Crocodile Killers"... or does it always have to be sharks?

Chandler

Does what always have to be sharks?

Monica

Honey! We-- look, we could do something else. D-Do you want me to get into the tub and... thrash?

Chandler

What's going on?

Monica

It's okay. It's okay, I still love you. Let me be a part of this.

Chandler

Let me be a part of this!

Monica

Really? That scientist guy?

Phoebe

Really? Chandler?

Monica

Well, you're different funny. You're more sarcastic and well, he does fits and impressions and limericks.

Chandler

I can do limericks. 'There once was a man named Chandler, whose wife made him die inside!'

Monica

Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.

Chandler

Don't you think it's better for him to think that you're cheating on me than for him to think that I'm cheating on him? [Monica looks at him strangely] I heard it!

Monica

Wendy's a fat girls name.

Phoebe

Are we still on that?

Monica

No, you're right. Let's talk about something else. Let's talk about snow. Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband's having sex on a copying machine?