Monica Geller quotes from Friends

Monica's pregnant!

Oh, my...! Is that why you guys had to get married?

Monica

Guys! I'm not pregnant.

Ah. [To Chandler] Slow swimmers?

S8 E1 The One after I Do

View quote →

[Talking to Monica over the phone because he and Phoebe mistakenly broke down Monica and Chandler's apartment door ] Hey Monica, Phoebe and I smelt gas coming from your apartment.

Monica

Oh, my...! [looks at Chandler] Joey smells gas

What else is new?

Monica

[to joey on the phone] well yo have to get in there

Yeah but you took away our keys, would it be okay if we say, broke your door down.

Monica

Yes! Yes! Just get in, break the door down whatever!

Okay, we'll do that. [Gives thumbs up sign to Phoebe]

S8 E3 The One Where Rachel Tells...

View quote →

Monica

[Arriving to the honeymoon hotel with Chandler and seeing that the honeymoon couple who got first class seats on the plane now get the honeymoon suite] No! No! No! You cannot do this to us again!

MMan

Who are you?

We're you 10 seconds later!

Monica

Everyone gives you special treatment because your on your honeymoon!The first class tickets, the honeymoon suite! No one cares that we're on our honeymoon!

GGirl

Well take the suite if you want. [Hands them the keys] We don't need the stuff.

MMan

We just wanna be together, were in love.

Awwww... Well we need the stuff!

S8 E3 The One Where Rachel Tells...

View quote →

So, how was the honeymoon?

Monica

Oh, so much fun. But the best part is we met this incredible couple on the flight back.

That was the best part? [To Chandler] Good honeymooning, Tiger.

S8 E4 The One with the Videotape

View quote →

Okay, in about ten seconds, you're gonna see him kiss me.

And in about five seconds, you're gonna see why.

[on video] Ross, did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?

[The other four are shocked, especially Joey]

Okay, get ready to see some begging.

Oh, you came on to Ross.

What?

Now I'm so happy.

What are you talking about?

Monica

You used the Europe story.

That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex!

How do you know about that story?!

How do you know about that story?!

I heard it from my friend Irene, who heard it from some guy.

[raising hand] Some guy!

No, no. She told that his name was Ken Adams.

[again] Ken Adams!

S8 E4 The One with the Videotape

View quote →

Monica, we need more candy.

Monica

What? There's only been like 4 kids!

Yeah I know, but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything.

No wonder you're pregnant.

S8 E6 The One with the Halloween Party

View quote →

Monica, can I talk to you for a second? [approaches Monica] I really appreciate you getting me the costume!

You did this to him?

Monica

I thought he'd love it! His favourite book was The Velveteen Rabbit.

That rabbit was brown and white!

Monica

It was a pink bunny or no bunny at all.

No bunny at all! ALWAYS NO BUNNY AT ALL!

S8 E6 The One with the Halloween Party

View quote →

I know you don't like to relinquish control.

Monica

Relinquish is just a fancy word for lose.

S8 E7 The One with the Stain

View quote →

Monica

Just so you know, I'm not gonna make a turkey this year.

What?

Monica

Phoebe doesn't eat turkey.

Phoebe!

Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals!

No, they're not! They're ugly and stupid and delicious! Besides, eating them is a tradition. It goes back to the very first Thanksgiving when the Indians sat down with the cowboys!

Oh, right, that's when they had that big rodeo at Plymouth Rock!

Monica

It's not just Phoebe. Will's still on a diet, Chandler doesn't eat Thanksgiving food and Rachel's having her aversion to poultry!

She is?

Yeah! Don't you remember? I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?

Yeah, but I thought it was just because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table!

Monica

It just doesn't seem worth it to make an entire turkey for just three people, okay? It's a lot of work!

But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving with no turkey is like 4th of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas!

Monica

All right, fine, if it means that much to you! But there's gonna be a ton left over!

No, there won't! I promise, I will finish that turkey!

Monica

Okay, you're telling me that you can eat almost an entire turkey in one sitting?

That's right! 'Cause I'm a Tribbiani, and this is what we do! We may be not great thinkers, or world leaders, we don't read a lot, or run very fast... but damn it, we can eat!

S8 E9 The One with the Rumor

View quote →

[Everyone is watching Joey finish off the turkey.]

Well, that's it. I'm done. Whew! [wipes his forehead] There come the meat sweats. [Chandler hands him a towel and he wipes his face.]

Monica

Well, Joey, we're all... we're all very proud of you.

Yes, I believe we can expect a call from the President any moment now.

Is there anything we can do for you?

No, just nobody press on my stomach.

You can keep those pants, by the way.

[Joey notices that Monica has a pie.]

Whoa--hey--wh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie?

Monica

Yeah. You want some?

Ah, just cut me a little sliver.

[Monica prepares to cut a little sliver.]

A little bigger.

[Monica prepares to cut a bigger piece.]

Little bigger.

[Monica moves the knife again.]

What? Are you afraid you're gonna run out? Cut me a real piece!

S8 E9 The One with the Rumor

View quote →

[Phoebe plays Ms. Pacman, her wedding gift to Monica and Chandler.]

Monica

Oh, my, Phoebe, you are on fire!

I know!

One more score to go. You can do it! [touches Phoebe's shoulder]

Don't touch me.

Monica

[To Chandler] Don't touch her!

All right. Go left, go left, go right, go right!

I can't, I can't [she loses] No! You son of a bi-!

[Ben comes in with Ross. Epic music swells, drowning out Phoebe's 90-second curse-rant]

Phoebe?

Oh, hi, Ben. No, don't look at the machine!

S8 E12 The One Where Joey Dates Rachel

View quote →

[laying in the bathtub thinking] All right, this isn't so bad. I like the flowery smell! Which is okay, because I've got my boat. I can actually feel my tension just melting melting away. I could fall asleep in here. I could drown in here. Mmm... drowning.

Monica

[entering] So?

Oh my God.

Monica

I told you you were a bath person. Hey, when you get out, maybe I can give you a facial.

I'm gonna need a bigger boat.

S8 E13 The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath

View quote →

What do you got behind your back?

Monica

Nothing. Just something I wanna get Phoebe's opinion on for Valentine's Day.

You don't want my opinion?

Monica

Not really.

Come on, I'm your older brother. Ask me.

Monica

[showing him two lingerie dresses] Oh, okay, big brother, um... Which one of these do you think would make your little sister look hotter so your friend would wanna do her?

[turns away, then says quietly without looking at her] The red one...

S8 E15 The One with the Birthing Video

View quote →

I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.

Monica

Poor Ross. [Monica and Chandler run over to the window to spy on Ross]

Great. We have to watch him doing yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes.

S8 E15 The One with the Birthing Video

View quote →

Monica

Joey isn't even thinking about going after Rachel. All he is thinking about is how you are taking this. I mean it's completely freaking him out. He's talking about moving to Vermont.