Rachel Green quotes from Friends

I had a really nice time tonight.

Rachel

So did I. I'm really glad Monica asked us out.

Ross

No divorces in '99! [blows a party horn]

Rachel

But your divorce hasn't been finalized yet.

Ross

Just the one divorce in '99! [blows the party horn again] You know what, I'm going to be happy this year. I am going to make myself happy.

Chandler

Do you want us to leave the room?

Ross

I am going to do one thing that I have never done before. That, my friends, is my New Year's resolution.

Phoebe

Ohh... that's a good one. Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.

Chandler

That's a good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to find is a planeload of people whose New Year's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.

Ross

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say, "No divorces in '99. Whoo."

Rachel

But your divorce isn't even final yet.

Ross

Just the one divorce in '99. WHOO. You know what? I'm going to be happy this year, I'm gonna make myself happy.

Chandler

Do you want us to leave the room, or...?

Joey

Look, it's not that big a deal. So Monica and Chandler are doing it.

Rachel

I cannot believe you would say that!

Joey

Sorry. Monica and Chandler are "making love."

Joey

But it is odd how a woman's purse looks so good on me, a man!

Rachel

Exactly! Unisex!

Joey

Tch! Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.

Rachel

No, no, Joey! U-N-I-sex.

Joey

Well! Ain't gonna say "no" to that!

Rachel

I brought reinforcements.

Ross

You brought Joey?

Rachel

Um... no, but I brought the next best thing.

Chandler

Hey.

Ross

Chandler? You brought Chandler? The next best thing would have been Monica!

Chandler

Normally I'd be offended, but she is freakishly strong.

Ross

Look, I drew a sketch about how we're gonna do it. Okay, Rach, that's you. That's the couch.

Rachel

Whoa, what's ... what's that?

Ross

Oh, that's me.

Rachel

Wow! You certainly think a lot of yourself.

Ross

No! That's ... that's my arm.

Chandler

Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.

Chandler

You smoked.

Rachel

I did not.

Chandler

Yes you did. You look happy and sick-- you smoked!

Rachel

All right, fine, but I had to. I had to do it for my career.

Chandler

I wish I had to smoke for my career.

Chandler

Rachel, did it bother you when Ross flirted with other women?

Rachel

No, it bothered me when he slept with other women.

Rachel

check it out!

Ross

what... what is that?

Joey

what the hell is that?

Rachel

it's a cat

Joey

that is not at cat

Rachel

yes, it is

Ross

why is it inside out?

Monica

Open your eyes.

Rachel

They are.

Monica

How many fingers am I holding up?

Rachel

Four.

Monica

Oh, my God. I was thinking four.

Rachel

Really?

Monica

OK, now this is just practice. One... two... three.

Monica

My pillow's all wet.

Rachel

Well, you said it was practice.

Monica

Then why did you move your head?

Rachel

Because I knew you were lying.

Rachel

No! Phoebe, just because I'm alone doesn't mean I wanna walk around naked. I mean, you live alone, you don't walk around naked.

Phoebe

Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?

Rachel

[talking on the phone, drunk] Hello? Vegas? Yes, we would like some more alcohol. And you know, we would like some more beers, too... hello? Oh, wait... I forgot to dial!

Ross

That must be our alcohol and beers!

Joey

[To Rachel] Hey Rach, how you doin'?

Rachel

[grins] I'm doing good, baby. How you doin'?

Joey

Ross, don't let her drink any more!

Monica

What are you guys gonna do?

Rachel

Well, I guess we just find a divorce lawyer.

Chandler

Well, I think, I think... Ross already has one.

Monica

Yeah, yeah, that guy's finally gonna be able to put in that pool.

Ross

Ha, okay...

Chandler

Now, this one's free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so you get the third one for free...

Ross

Laugh it up! ...but the joke's on you... because we don't need to get divorced... okay? We're just gonna get an annulment.

Joey

An annulment?! Ross... I don't think surgery's the answer here!