Joey Tribbiani quotes from Friends

Rachel

check it out!

Ross

what... what is that?

Joey

what the hell is that?

Rachel

it's a cat

Joey

that is not at cat

Rachel

yes, it is

Ross

why is it inside out?

Phoebe

[about which route to take to Vegas] Oh, if you take the northern route, there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees.

Joey

Great! Problem solved!

Phoebe

But on the southern route, there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.

Joey

Well, back to square one.

Joey

Who would you rather sleep with: Monica or Rachel?

Ross

Dude, you are sick.

Joey

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.

Joey

[To Rachel] Hey Rach, how you doin'?

Rachel

[grins] I'm doing good, baby. How you doin'?

Joey

Ross, don't let her drink any more!

Monica

What are you guys gonna do?

Rachel

Well, I guess we just find a divorce lawyer.

Chandler

Well, I think, I think... Ross already has one.

Monica

Yeah, yeah, that guy's finally gonna be able to put in that pool.

Ross

Ha, okay...

Chandler

Now, this one's free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so you get the third one for free...

Ross

Laugh it up! ...but the joke's on you... because we don't need to get divorced... okay? We're just gonna get an annulment.

Joey

An annulment?! Ross... I don't think surgery's the answer here!

Joey

Yeah, why don't you move in with me? It'll be great! We could stay up late, watch movies. And you know about Naked Thursdays, right?

Rachel

Yeah, yeah. I think I'm gonna find my own place.

Chandler

Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursdays was just our thing, man!

Joey

Thanks for coming back. Okay, there's been a lot of people interested in the room, but I have narrowed it down and you are one of the finalists.

Great!

Joey

Okay, now before I make my decision, I just want to make sure our personalities match, okay? So I made up a little test. Now, I'm gonna say a word, and then you say the first thing that comes to mind.

I can do that.

Joey

Okay, here we go. Pillow.

Fight!

Joey

Very good. Okay, G.

String?

Joey

Excellent. Okay, um, doggy.

Kitten?

Joey

Ooh, sorry. [sends her out the door] So close though, bye-bye!

Joey

Probably a residual check. Can you open it? I got... [shows his hands tied with string]

Chandler

Benefits lapsed.

Joey

That's weird. I don't remember being in a movie called "Benefits Lapsed."

Chandler

[chuckles] It's not a check. They are saying your health insurance expired cause... you didn't work enough last year.

Joey

What? Let me see that. Oh no! This sucks. When I had health insurance I could... catch on fire, you know or get hit by a bus. Now I gotta be careful?

Chandler

I know what you mean, man, there's never a good time to stop... catching on fire.

Joey

Well, I guess I am gonna go get a job, I'll see ya later.

Chandler

Ok, make sure you look both ways before you cross the street.

Joey

[mocking] Make sure you look both ways before you cross the street. [turns and walks into the door]

Joey

Why isn't that valet back with my Porsche?

Maybe because you've got the keys?

Chandler

Here is the phone bill.

Joey

Oh, my...!!

Chandler

That's our phone number.

Joey

Here it is-our last pizzas together as roommates.

Chandler

I wish I'd known you were going to do that. I ordered Chinese.

Joey

Oh, well, that's okay. Hey, actually, in a way it's kinda nice. You know, our last dinner together. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors; you, the food of yours.

Monica

Joey, did you even interview this woman before you asked her to move in?

Joey

Of course I did.

Monica

What exactly did you ask her?

Joey

"When can you move in?"

Chandler

[offering Joey a game of Playstation] Hi, my name's Chandler! I just moved in next door, and I was wondering if you'd be interested in battling me in a post-apocalyptic world for control of the galaxy's last remaining energy source.

Joey

Sure.

Rachel

[Referring to her boss Kim] She doesn't like me very much.

Chandler

That's great. Because my boss doesn't like me either.

Monica

My boss doesn't like me either.

Ross

Maybe it's like a universal thing.

Joey

Or maybe because you're all hanging around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday.

[In chorus] Let's get off to work...

Joey

You're gonna cook something?

Rachel

Hey, I cook!

Chandler

Offering people gum is not cooking.