Joey Tribbiani quotes from Friends

Ross

It tastes like feet!

Joey

I like it!

Ross

Are you serious?

Joey

What's not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Beef, GOOD!

Monica

Dad, you know that mailman you got fired? He didn't steal your Playboys, Ross did.

Ross

Yea, well Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing, Monica did.

Monica

Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year.

Ross

Monica and Chandler are living together!

Monica

Ross married Rachel in Vegas, and got divorced, AGAIN!

Phoebe

I love Jacques Cousteau!

Rachel

I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle!

Joey

I wanna gooooo!

Judy

That's a lot of information to get in thirty seconds. All right, Joey, if you wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no, you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, I'm sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you're in an important relationship is beyond me.

Jack

And we kinda figured about the porch swing.

Phoebe

I didn't know Playboy prints jokes.

Ross

Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. It's not just about the pictures!

Monica

It didn't work on Mom. It's not going to work on us.

Ross

Hey, Joey, look -- Playboy printed my joke!

Joey

[Joey reads it and makes a slight chuckle] Whoa, whoa, whoa! Jokes? But... You guys know they have naked chicks in there, right?

Gunther

[handing Joey the bill] Here you go.

Joey

Ah, Gunther, I can't pay for this right now because I'm not working, so I've had to cut down on some luxuries like uh, paying for stuff.

Gunther

Well, if you want, you can work here.

Joey

Uh, I don't know. You see, it's just, see I was a regular on a soap opera you know? And to go from that to this, I just… Plus, I'd have to wait on all my friends.

Gunther

Okay, but the money's good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.

Joey

What?!

Gunther

Flexible hours.

Joey

Altogether, It's $12.75 .

Chandler

This coming from the man who couldn't split our $80 phone bill in half.

Rachel

That's Joey.

Joey

How you doin ?

Rachel

DON'T !!!!!

Joey

I can't believe Ross went out with Rachel's sister! When Chandler made out with my sister, I was mad at him for ten years.

Chandler

That was, like, five years ago.

Joey

Yeah, you got five years left!

Chandler

Joey --

Joey

You wanna make it six?

Joey

You sick bastards.

Rachel

It's a tattoo. That's weird, Pheebs...wait, that's Ursula! That's not Phoebe, that's Ursula!

Joey

Wait! Wait! Then I can watch that. Rewind it! Rewind it!

Phoebe

Hey, what's up? Oh, my...! What am I doing?!

That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.

Joey

[laughs] I don't think so.

No, it was. She was in Sex Toy Story 2, Lawrence of a Labia. And I got her autograph. The guys at the comic book store aren't gonna believe this. [leaves]

Joey

[goes to the counter] Hey, Gunther, don't let that guy in here anymore. He said Phoebe's a porn star.

Gunther

Well, I wouldn't call her a star, but she's really good. You should check out Inspect Her Gadget.

Rachel

Hey, you guys! Guess what? Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce.

[Looking at Ross] What is the matter with you?!


Phoebe

No, Barry and Mindy.

Oh, sorry. I hear "divorce," I immediately go to Ross.

Joey

I used to get medical experiments done on me all the time!

Chandler

Ah, finally: an explanation.

Joey

Now listen, the last day of auditions is Thursday. Okay? So I gotta get in there by Thursday. Okay? Just remember Thursday. Thursday. Can you remember Thursday?

Chandler

[mockingly] Yeah. So, Tuesday?

Joey

Thursday! Look, if you need help remembering, think of it like this: the third day. All right? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday! The third day! Okay?

Chandler

Thank you.

Chandler

So, who is she?

Ross

I don't know. The evaluations were anonymous.

Joey

Well, do you still have their final exams?

Ross

Yeah.

Joey

Well, it's simple. You take the final exams and the evaluations, you see whose handwriting matches, and boom. You got your admirer.

Chandler

A hot chick is at stake and suddenly he's Rain Man.

Chandler

You don't look good, Joe.

Joey

The fridge broke, so I had to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limes. Oh, and what was in that brown jar?

Chandler

That's still in there?

Joey

Not any more. By the way, you owe me $400.

Chandler

Is this a service you're providing me?

Joey

How cool it would be, If you could watch a life size version of this ? How crazy would that be ?

Chandler

As crazy as Soccer ?