Chandler Bing quotes from Friends

Chandler

What are you guys doing out here?

Ross

Uh... uh... Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody overslept.

Joey

Yeah, well, you don't have your racket.

Ross

No, no I don't, because it's being restrung. Somebody was supposed to bring me one.

Joey

Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size.

Chandler

Okay, you guys spend way too much time together.

Monica

[happy] And that would be a shut-down!

[in unison] SHUT-OUT!!

Joey

Will you pick one? Just pick one. Here! How about that one?

Chandler

That's patio furniture.

Joey

So what? Like people are gonna come in and think "Uh-oh, I'm outside again!"

Chandler

[interrupting] Rachel, can I just say something?

Rachel

WHAT?!

Chandler

That's a loose weave. I can still see your uh... "nipular" area.

Ross

Wait, what were you doing seeing her boobies?

Chandler

Look, it was an accident! It wasn't like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of doughnuts!

Ross

All right, all right. We're all adults here. There's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your peepee.

Chandler

You know, I don't see that happening.

Rachel

C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat.

Chandler

Well, I'm not showing you my tat.

Rachel

You are supposed to be in there so i can see your thing.

Chandler

Sorry. My-my thing was in there with me.

I brought you something.

Chandler

Is it loaded?

Chandler

Can you see my nipples through this shirt?

Rachel

No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there.

Ross

I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.

That's nice.

Ross

No, no. With him. I'm on this field, and they... they hike me the baby. And I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is coming right at me.

Joey

Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.

Ross

Right, but it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us.

Chandler

Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a father.

Ross

Uh-huh.

Chandler

Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.

Ross

Do you have a point?

Chandler

You know, you'd think I would.

Rachel

I will see you... and I'll raise you. What do you say... want to waste another buck?

Ross

No, not this time. [he folds] So what'd you have?

Rachel

I'm not telling.

Ross

Come on, show them to me. [He reaches for her cards. Rachel covers them up]

Rachel

No!

Ross

Show them to me!

Rachel

Get your hands out of there! No!

Ross

Let me see! Show them!

Chandler

You know, I've had dates like this.

Phoebe

Hey you know what I just realised?, Joker is Poker with a J! -- Coincidence?

Chandler

Hey, that's Joincidence with a C!

Joey

All right, all right. You're a monkey. You're loose in the city. Where do you go?

Chandler

Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy things. I'll go to Cats, you go to The Russian Tea Room.

Chandler

I got her machine.

Joey

Her answering machine?

Chandler

No. Interestingly enough, her leaf-blower picked up.