Meg Griffin quotes from Family Guy

And then somebody replaced Meg's sleeping pills wtih Alka - Selter.

Meg

People are gonna miss me when l - [burping loudly]

Chris

No way! That was the last thing on your list! I can't do this anymore.

Meg

Well, you should have thought of that before you stole money out of mom's purse. I own you. Now, here's my post office key. I need you to go down town and get my stuff from my P.O box.

Chris

Y...You don't get your mail here?

Meg

No. I get a lot of private correspondence from the Netherlands.

Chris

Like what?

Meg

Like I'm part of a group that kinda trashes Anne Frank's house every year.

Chris

You know what? No. That's it! I'm no...I'm not doing anymore of your crap, Meg.

Meg

Chris, don't you see? You have no choice. I'll just go tell mom and dad about the money, and they'll ground your ass for a YEAR!

Chris

I don't care! Tell em'! 'Cause I'm not gonna be here! I'm gonna run away and no one will ever see me again!

Meg

Good! Go! And who's even gonna miss you? You're just a little thief!! Where ya goin' Chris? Who are you gonna turn to? You don't even have any friends!

Chris

Hi, I ran away from home. Do you mind if I live with you?

Live with me?! My goodness, I feel like I want to pinch myself to see if I'm dreamin'! [Herbert pinches his right arm, which bruises all over the arm] Hot dog! It's real!

Meg

You guys. I think this is a meth lab.

Lois

Oh my god. Do you mean like as in D-R-U-G-S? Aren't those I-L-L-E-G-A-L?

Stewie

What's going on? What are you guys talking about?

Lois

Uh-oh, someone's getting cranky. [picks up Stewie] I think he needs an N-A-P.

Stewie

What's happening? Where are you taking me? Man, I got to crack this code.

Peter

Kids, I've got an announcement...

Stewie

[sitting near the hem of Peter's robe on the floor] He's wearing a rubber.

Peter

We're staying in Italy. We're Italian now.

What?!

Meg

Are you kidding?

Stewie

Well, if we're going to be Italian, I guess we should start murdering our brothers.

Chris

What are you... [starts to choke and struggle]

Stewie

[in an Italian-accented whisper] You break-a my heart, Chris. You break-a my heart.

Stewie

[sees a car speeding straight for Brian] Brian, look out! [the car runs over Brian, breaking the hockey stick, and the toy net in the process] Aah, Brian! [runs to him]

Lois

[runs out of the house with Peter, Chris, and Meg and saw Brian hurt] Oh, my God! [runs to him] Brian! Brian, can you hear me?!

Peter

Holy crap! What the hell happened?!

[runs to Brian, kicks his head, and spits] That guy sucked! [runs away, cuts to Quahog Vet]

Meg

Mom, is Brian gonna be okay?

Lois

I don’t know, Meg. But this is the best veterinary in Quahog. Brian’s getting the fine care there is.

Stewie

You have to share an ambulance with a chicken.

Peter

[to Chicken] Hey, Um, aren't you supposed to be running around?

[to Peter] Don't talk to me. You have a bad reputation in the chicken community.

Lois

Doctor, how is Brian? Is he gonna be okay?

[sadly] I'm so sorry, Mrs. Griffin, but Brian's injuries are just too severe for us to save him. I don't know how much longer he has, but I suggest that you all go in and say your good-byes. [The Griffin family are shocked in horror to the Veterinarian, they walk to Brian’s deathbed]

Lois

[tearfully] Oh, my God! Brian, no!

Peter

[tearfully] I can't believe it. Y-You're really...

Stewie

[tearfully] Damn it, Brian, you can't die! We were gonna do so many things together. We were gonna become windsurfers. I was gonna be a little better than you, but we were both gonna be good! [Brian wakes up; groans softly]

Lois

You guys, I think, I think Brian's trying to say something!

You... you've given me a wonderful life. I love you all. [smiles before finally passing away, to the family's horror. The veterinarian checks his heartbeat. Nothing.]

[sadly] I'm sorry. He's gone.

Chris

[tearfully] Oh, my god... He's...

Lois

[tearfully] Yes, Chris. I'm afraid... I'm afraid our Brian is dead!

Unga-Bunga! Unga-Bunga! Unga-Bunga!

Stewie

What is that? What's happening?

[carrying mattresses] Unga-Bunga! Unga-Bunga! Unga-Bunga!

Peter, what are you doing?

Peter

Playing "Unga-Bunga". It's the championship.

Stewie

Go away! This is why Zillow estimates our house at $4.00.

What the hell is "Unga-Bunga"?

Peter

Two guys run into each other with mattresses and, um, that's kinda it.

Chris

Stop explaining it to the dog! Let's do this!

Stewie

Stop it! I'm trying to watch my program!

Peter

Whoa, Chris, look! Mom's naked!

Chris

Where?

Peter

[whacks Chris with his mattress] You creep.

Stewie

[gasp] No!

Lois

Peter, what's going on in...

Peter

[whacks Lois with his mattress] Unga-Bunga!

Stewie

[becomes angry] You... You imbeciles! You've ruined my night! I asked for one thing in this house!

Stewie, just watch your show upstairs.

Stewie

I don't want to watch it upstairs on the small TV, I want to watch it downstairs on the big TV! [his face turns red with anger as he starts crying] I WANNA WATCH MY SHOW! [cries, throws himself on the ground and starts throwing his tantrum]

Lois

Oh no, Stewie's havin' a tantrum. Come here, sweetie. [Stewie bites her thumb] OW! Screw you, ya little turd!

Meg

[enters the living room] What's all that noise? [sees Stewie upset] Aw, do you want a hug from your big sister? [picks Stewie up and is headbutted] OW!

Lois

[puts Stewie in bed after he is out of control] You've earned yourself a time-out, young man. [turns the light off] Now, you stay in here until you can behave. [slams the door and leaves]

Stewie

I HATE YOU! You always ruin everything! God, it's a family of idiots! I wish I was never born! [sees Rupert wearing a fire helmet] Not tonight, Rupert. I'm much too upset.

Meg

All right. See you later.

Lois

Where are you off to?

Meg

Actually, I met a photographer at Stewie's school yesterday, and he wants me to model for him.

Peter

[showing his ears he ripped off to Lois] Lois, please send these back to the factory. I believe they're defective.

Lois

Oh my God, Peter, did you just rip your ears off?

Peter

It was the easiest way to let her know the news was ridiculous. [Collapses]

Meg

Mom, I need a check for the school field trip.

Lois

Jeez, Meg, didn't I just take you on a field trip?

Peter

[takes off the Blindfold] Ok, here's a field. Goodbye forever! [Gets into the car and attempts to drive off without her only to end up driving RIGHT into the tree.] AAAHHH!!! MEG! I'M INJURED! PLEASE HELP ME! I SMELL GAS! [Car explodes and bursts into flames.] MEG, I'M STILL ALIVE, BUT I'M BADLY BURNED! COME SAVE MY LIFE AND NURSE ME BACK TO HEALTH! OH, GOD, WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPENED TO GOOD PEOPLE!?

There you are. Listen up, Meg. This TSA isn't sweaty enough for the two of us.

Meg

What? What does that even mean?

It means stay away from Larry. I'm his girlfriend.

Meg

You are? Oh, my God, I thought you were a boy.

We now return to yet another Indiana Jones movie.

Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

Elderly potheads. Why did it have to be elderly potheads?

Is everyone warm in here? Is it warm?

Lois

Brian, are you feeling all right?

Yeah, I'm fine. It just seems kind of... (retching loudly)

Lois

Oh, my God!

Peter

Oh, Lois, your dog threw up.

Chris

Meg, Brian's not feeling well. You got to take him to the vet.

Meg

Unbelievable! Brian throws up once, and you rush him to the vet. I was throwing up all night last night.

Peter

Good start. Keep it up, snack pack.

(chuckles) (retching loudly)

Lois

Peter, you got to take him now!

Help, it's probably just something I ate. I'm fine. Really. I got more energy than a cruise ship conga line.

Lois

[to Peter, walking by with a black wig and carrying brown paint] What are you doin'?

Peter

Lois, to show I'm in touch with what it's like to be African-American, I am gonna go to the middle of the town square, get naked and paint myself brown.

Lois

No, no. That's offensive. You can't pretend to be black. That's a stupid idea.

Peter

What?

Lois

[enraged] It's a stupid idea! You're a stupid man! [Furiously rolls her magazine and starts beating Peter with it] A stupid, stupid man!

Peter

Ow, you're hurting me! Stop it! Stop it, Lois!

Lois

No! I'm so sick of your crap! Why do you always do these stupid things?! And why do you always announce them to me BEFORE YOU DO THEM?! ARE YOU TRYIN' TO GET A RISE OUTTA ME?! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?!

Peter

[sobbingly] No, no, it's not what l want! It's not what I want! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Chris

It's never been this bad before. What do we do?

Meg

What we always do.

Chris

I'm in charge of my head, that much l know!

Principal Shepherd

Good morning, children. It's that time of the year again to fulfill your community service requirements by signing up for volunteer work.

Meg

Do we get to choose our jobs?

Principal Shepherd

No, no no no. The jobs will be assigned randomly, but the cooler and prettier students have the better jobs. For instance, the blond chick in the third row will wash my car this afternoon. While Little Miss Frumpkin with all the questions will work in the old folks' home.

Meg

Is Frumpkin good?

Principal Shepherd

[chuckles] NO. No.

Peter

You guys, what are you doing, watching TV? It's snowing.

Really?

Meg

Wow! It's so beautiful.

Peter

Isn't it? And you know what's a miracle, kids? Every single snowflake is exactly alike.

Chris

I don't think that's right.

Peter

No, it's true. Just like fingerprints.

Chris

I’m Joy.

Meg

I’m Sadness.

Stewie

I’m Anger.

Lois

I’m Disgust.

Peter

I’m Poo.

Oooh, I need to use the bathroom.

Meg

I said damn, what a wild couple of days. Anyways, sup with you guys?

Chris

Sorry amigo, not interested.