Meg Griffin quotes from Family Guy

Meg

Okay, now you heard Mom say I'm in charge. So, I just wanna lay a few ground rules.

Stewie

Yep.

Meg

I promise we're gonna have fun, but there will be a schedule.

Stewie

Uh-huh.

Meg

Just to keep everything running smoothly.

Stewie

Sure, gotta have boundaries.

Meg

And I may assign a chore or two.

Stewie

Sounds great, Meg.

Meg

Because it's more fun when everyone pitches in.

Stewie

Hey, by the way.

Meg

AAAAAAAAH!

Stewie

I'm gonna flush your retainer down the toilet.

Well, well. If it isn't Meg Griffin.

Meg

Leave me alone, you guys.

Relax, we're taking the day off from bullying.

Meg

Oh, thank God. [opens her locker and her face gets burned off] Very funny. Who put the ark of the covenant in here?

Meg is so stupid. She couldn't handle the glory of God's love.

Lois

And Meg, I hope you learned your lesson about drinking.

Meg

Yeah. I think I'd rather live my life as a loser than feel bad once in a while.

Lois

Well, I hope you know that you're our loser.

Meg

Thanks, Mom.

Peter

If anything were to happen to me, Lois, I'll miss you more than Life...the cereal, but not the board game which I quite enjoy.

Lois

Ok.

Peter

And Meg, I'm sorry I'll never get a chance to walk you down the aisle...at Costco to furnish your sad, single-lady apartment.

Meg

[sarcastically] Thanks, Dad.

Peter

And Stewie, it kills me that I'll never see you become a man...-loving twink.

Stewie

Is anyone gonna stop him?

Peter

And Chris, whenever you're feeling defeated, I want you to always reach for the Stars...-ky and Hutch DVD that fell behind the entertainment center. Sorry, you were the last one.

What about me?

Peter

You're a dog.

Lois

[offscreen] Well, I’m good.

Lois

Oh, Meg. You have to babysit Stewie, Saturday.

Meg

Nope.

Lois

Okay. Chris, you have to do it.

Meg

What? That's not fair. I have a party to go to.

Lois

Sorry, Meg found pictures on your father's computer and she's blackmailing us. She can do what she wants until we get some dirt on her.

Meg

I didn't know it was supposed to be hard before I took the picture.

Meg

[telling her family about the Olympic team] I'm a bi...

Stewie

Knew it.

Meg

...athlete.

Stewie

Didn't know it.

Peter

That woman looks exactly like me.

Meg

That's your reflection, Dad.

Peter

Oh ... I'm beautiful.

Peter

This is the story of the greatest trilogy ever told … The Mighty Ducks. It was a time of great nonsense,...

Meg

Dad, why don't you tell us how you and mom fell in love and got married?

Chris

And in go the earbuds.

Meg

Dad, I'm going to ask you one question, and how you answer it will determine the rest of my life. Were you the Santa at this mall yesterday?

Peter

No.

Peter

Now, Meg, I got a question for you: is there really a weight limit for the escalator, or did I just meet some mean kids?

Joe

So long, bitchy 2AM blanket pulls.

Peter

Ahhh, there we go.

Meg

(bleeps) Dad.

Peter

Hey, thanks for coming. Take a seat.

Meg

What's up?

Peter

[sigh] This is really the toughest part of the business, isn't it?

Meg

Oh my God. Are you trading me?

Peter

Looks, it's nothing personal. You've been very professional as a family member but ... here's the thing. We're sending you down to American Dad!.

Meg

No! What? No!

Peter

Well, they're not excited about it either. I guess I could call The Orville.

Meg

[sigh] I'll do American Dad!.

Meg

[singing] Good morning, USA.. Buh-duh-buh-duh Stan's the dad and the alien's gay! And then there’s a fish and a boy and a girl-

[as coming out of the shower] Hey! Shut up Meg!

Meg

Oh. So it's just going to be the same?

Yep.

Yeah.

Peter

Okay, Meg. If this is you, what's your birthday?

Meg

March 23rd.

Peter

I have no idea if that's correct. Good day, sir.

Meg

Where's Brian?

Chris

Oh my God. When we evacuated, I think we forgot him.

Stewie

It's okay, Lois. I left him chained up in the gully in the backyard.

Guys?...Guys?!

Lois

Bonnie just told me about the neatest thing. It's called a podcast. I guess it's like a radio show on your phone. Have you heard of these? Podcasts!

Meg

Yeah, mom. We know what podcasts are.

Lois

Huh. I guess these types of things take a while to reach the moms. I have to let Bonnie know.

Bonnie

Wow! Really?!