[After Peter finishes the story, the power comes back on]
The end. And that's the final chapter in the Star Wars saga.
I think The Cleveland Show is gonna do those.
ChrisUh, Dad, one question: What do you got against Seth Green?
I j… I just think he's a douche. You got a problem with that?
Chris
Well, we're all entitled to our own opinion. For example, me? I think Seth MacFarlane's a douche.
Yeah, I don't like him either.
Well, wait a second, I hear he's a pretty nice guy.
Yeah, good looking guy. Talented, young…
Chris
Talented?! He ripped off The Simpsons!
Yeah, he watched TV in the '80s. We get it!
And he only puts out like ten new episodes a year.
Chris
And then he splits those up into five DVD sets.
He doesn't make those decisions, Chris. Those decisions are made at the corporate level.
Chris
But he still takes the money every week, how noble.
And doesn't he have a whole staff that writes those episodes anyway?
Well, I wouldn’t know about that, but I… I think, and I hope, Chris, that ultimately, people will just remember the laughter.
[The Griffins stay silent for a moment before the credits roll]
[After the Griffin family car broke down]
Looks like it's the radiator.
Chris
Wow, Brian identifies another problem without a solution. Let's see if l can walk home before he shuts up!
Geez, Chris, what's your problem?
Chris
I WANTED A FERRET!
[everyone cheers as Chris and Yamamoto furiously eat their hot dogs]
Chris, you're four hot dogs behind! Come on!
Chris
Ohh... I can't eat anymore!
Remember what I told you...
[a dream cloud comes as Chris remembers his father's words]
I get this weird cyst things right on the fringe of my sac. I want to get it checked, but I'm afraid of what they're gonna tell me.
Chris
He's right. I can do it! [he starts eating up all the hot dogs, then Yamamoto does the same]
[the buzzer beeps]
AAnnouncer
We have a winner! Ladies and gentlemen, Yamamoto has finally been defeated!
[the crowd cheers as Yamamoto sadly leaves]
[picks up Chris] Chris, you did it! You're a champion! And now you get your pick of the groupies!
[there are four fat models]
Chris
They're shiny.
Yeah, it's a pretty warm day.
[Brian and Stewie hear groaning]
It's Peter and Chris. Sounds like they're in trouble.
[they go to the living room and they see Peter and Chris groaning with vomit all over the room]
My God. Why is there so much vomit everywhere?
[points at a bottle] Is that the ipecac bottle? [suddenly realizes] Oh, no! No, please, not this!
Oh, God! It's not gonna be coming out of us, it's gonna be going - [throws up]
Oh, dear God! [throws up; Peter's vomit covers his eyes] Aah! WHAT THE HELL?!
[Peter holds Brian's ears and throws up]
I don't wanna! I don't wanna! [regurgitates]
Chris
Dad, I'm scared! [vomits and cries]
Oh God, this is so disgusting! I think I'm gonna puke! [regurgitates] FUCK!
[Brian and Stewie go outside, wipe their mouths, and groan in disgust]
Stewie, I don't care what it takes. We've GOT to fix this! We just ate so much vomit!
Brian, it gets worse. Look.
[Stewie and Brian see a pregnant Bonnie putting some mail in the mailbox]
Yeah, Bonnie is pregnant with Susie. So what?
That means Susie has been "unborn".
Oh, my God! Stewie, you aren't that much older than Susie.
Brian, if we don't push time forward again soon, then I too will become unborn.
[Lois comes down the stairs to the darkened living room in a robe]
Chris
Mom, are you ready for your Valentine's gift?
[she disrobes and turns on the light to find she's standing naked before Stewie as he stares at her]
No, but I'm ready for therapy.
[When Meg is telling Chris to call those girls]
Chris
No way! That was the last thing on your list! I can't do this anymore.
Well, you should have thought of that before you stole money out of mom's purse. I own you. Now, here's my post office key. I need you to go down town and get my stuff from my P.O box.
Chris
Y...You don't get your mail here?
No. I get a lot of private correspondence from the Netherlands.
Chris
Like what?
Like I'm part of a group that kinda trashes Anne Frank's house every year.
Chris
You know what? No. That's it! I'm no...I'm not doing anymore of your crap, Meg.
Chris, don't you see? You have no choice. I'll just go tell mom and dad about the money, and they'll ground your ass for a YEAR!
Chris
I don't care! Tell em'! 'Cause I'm not gonna be here! I'm gonna run away and no one will ever see me again!
Good! Go! And who's even gonna miss you? You're just a little thief!! Where ya goin' Chris? Who are you gonna turn to? You don't even have any friends!
[Herbert's home]
Chris
Hi, I ran away from home. Do you mind if I live with you?
Live with me?! My goodness, I feel like I want to pinch myself to see if I'm dreamin'! [Herbert pinches his right arm, which bruises all over the arm] Hot dog! It's real!
[Herbert turns out the light and Chris rips a long fart]
Chris
Sorry!
[Herbert angrily turns on the light]
You really know how to waste a Cialis, don't you?
Hey, I'm home! I got groceries.
Yeah, I was driving past there and we were out of some stuff, so I- [Gets tackled by Lois]
You listen to me you son of a bitch! I've got one thing in this lifetime... ONE THING! [Punches Peter]
You always say I never do anything around here!!
YEAH, I LIKE SAYING THAT MORE THAN I LIKE YOU DOING THINGS...
Chris
Dad, I got the rest from a car. Where-
CHRIS, RUN! YOU ARE RIGHT, SHE DIDN'T APPRECIATE IT!
Chris
Oh crap! [runs off but Lois throws a can out of the house and it hits him off-screen.] OW!
That's Right... I DO GROCERIES.
[Peter barges it to tell the kids about staying in Italy]
Kids, I've got an announcement...
[sitting near the hem of Peter's robe on the floor] He's wearing a rubber.
We're staying in Italy. We're Italian now.
Well, if we're going to be Italian, I guess we should start murdering our brothers.
[slips behind Chris with a garrote and proceeds to strangle him]
Chris
What are you... [starts to choke and struggle]
[in an Italian-accented whisper] You break-a my heart, Chris. You break-a my heart.
[sees a car speeding straight for Brian] Brian, look out! [the car runs over Brian, breaking the hockey stick, and the toy net in the process] Aah, Brian! [runs to him]
[runs out of the house with Peter, Chris, and Meg and saw Brian hurt] Oh, my God! [runs to him] Brian! Brian, can you hear me?!
Holy crap! What the hell happened?!
SSquirrel
[runs to Brian, kicks his head, and spits] That guy sucked! [runs away, cuts to Quahog Vet]
Mom, is Brian gonna be okay?
I don’t know, Meg. But this is the best veterinary in Quahog. Brian’s getting the fine care there is.
You have to share an ambulance with a chicken.
[to Chicken] Hey, Um, aren't you supposed to be running around?
CChicken
[to Peter] Don't talk to me. You have a bad reputation in the chicken community.
Doctor, how is Brian? Is he gonna be okay?
VVeterinarian
[sadly] I'm so sorry, Mrs. Griffin, but Brian's injuries are just too severe for us to save him. I don't know how much longer he has, but I suggest that you all go in and say your good-byes. [The Griffin family are shocked in horror to the Veterinarian, they walk to Brian’s deathbed]
[tearfully] Oh, my God! Brian, no!
[tearfully] I can't believe it. Y-You're really...
[tearfully] Damn it, Brian, you can't die! We were gonna do so many things together. We were gonna become windsurfers. I was gonna be a little better than you, but we were both gonna be good! [Brian wakes up; groans softly]
You guys, I think, I think Brian's trying to say something!
You... you've given me a wonderful life. I love you all. [smiles before finally passing away, to the family's horror. The veterinarian checks his heartbeat. Nothing.]
VVeterinarian
[sadly] I'm sorry. He's gone.
Chris
[tearfully] Oh, my god... He's...
[tearfully] Yes, Chris. I'm afraid... I'm afraid our Brian is dead!
[about his broken leg] The worst part about it is I can't have sex! God, I wish there was a way I could just do it myself, you know, just to be done and napping within four minutes.
Chris
Let me show you something...
[time lapse. Carter looks relaxed]
That... was... amazing! And Lynda Carter wasn't here?
Chris
No, that was just in your mind!
Incredible! So you can do that, like what, once a year or something?
Chris
No, you can do it basically whenever you're not doing something else.
Cool! Hey, next time I wanna try it with my hand.
[Chris receives a steamy goodbye kiss from Pam at a restaurant in front of the lobster tank]
LLobster
Hey, Chris...these [clacks its claws] on her nipples. Ha, ha, ha.
Chris
[to a passing waiter] Kill that one.
[after Brian got sprayed by a skunk; He is trying to bath himself with cans of tomato juice.]
Hey, guys, I-I think the tomato juice is really working. Don't you?
Chris
No. You smell like my six-foot-tall German girlfriend.
GWGerman Woman
Christopher, are you ready to go to the Guttenschvartzen?
Chris
Hell, da! She can swim across the pool in two strokes.
[A German woman picks Chris up and leaves.]
Wh... I don't know what else to do.
[sternly] I do. [throws Brian out of the house] Until the smell wears off, you're staying outside!
Outside?! Lois, I'm an inside dog! I'm an inside dog!
I'm sorry, Brian, but you stink. [closes door while leaving]
Family Guy · 775 quotes
