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S9

Family Guy · Season 9

“It's a Trap!” quotes from Family Guy

5 quotes

“It's a Trap!” · Season 9

In this episode: Peter Griffin (1), Lois Griffin (1), Stewie Griffin (1), Brian (1), Chris Griffin (1), Meg Griffin (1)

A long time ago, after M*A*S*H but before AfterMASH…

Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine in order to-— okay, you know what, we don’t care. We were thinking of not even doing this one. FOX made us do it. When we did "Blue Harvest", they said, "Oh, you guys are crazy." They tried to talk us out of it, and it ended up making a ton of money. By then we were just finishing "Empire", and we were absolutely exhausted. But Fox suddenly had dollar signs in their eyes, and they said, "Seth, if you don't do 'Jedi', we're not gonna let you leave to go direct your movie."

I'm sorry. I took a muscle relaxer earlier and it's kicking in. I'm just so stressed because there's been a car parked in front of my house for three straight days and there's a pillow in the back seat. And I've never seen anyone get in or out of it, but it moves a couple feet one way or the other each day. Wouldn't it be funny if it was a bunch of raccoons living in there, moving it? You know, with their little paws on the steering wheel? And then another one working the brake and the gas? And the steering wheel raccoon and the pedal raccoon have to talk back and forth to each other 'cause the brake pedal guy can't see the road? I'm gonna keep thinking that, 'cause I know really it's probably a car bum.

Look, just do me a huge favor and lower your expectations, okay? Just this one time. I promise I'll make it up to you. I mean, "Star Wars", fine. "Empire" —- still not bad. But on this one we ran out of gas. Seriously, we let the assistant write it. Hell, even the FedEx guy got a joke in, and he calls the baby "Steve." Anyway, here's "Return of the Jedi" starring Steve as Darth Vader.

[After Peter finishes the story, the power comes back on]

The end. And that's the final chapter in the Star Wars saga.

What about the prequels?

I think The Cleveland Show is gonna do those.

Uh, Dad, one question: What do you got against Seth Green?

I j… I just think he's a douche. You got a problem with that?

Well, we're all entitled to our own opinion. For example, me? I think Seth MacFarlane's a douche.

What's that now?

Yeah, I don't like him either.

Yeah, me neither.

Well, wait a second, I hear he's a pretty nice guy.

Yeah, good looking guy. Talented, young…

Talented?! He ripped off The Simpsons!

Yeah, he watched TV in the '80s. We get it!

And he only puts out like ten new episodes a year.

And then he splits those up into five DVD sets.

He doesn't make those decisions, Chris. Those decisions are made at the corporate level.

But he still takes the money every week, how noble.

And doesn't he have a whole staff that writes those episodes anyway?

Well, I wouldn’t know about that, but I… I think, and I hope, Chris, that ultimately, people will just remember the laughter.

[The Griffins stay silent for a moment before the credits roll]

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