Narrator quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Greg

Dude, the movie The Invisible Man has absolutely nothing to do with the book Invisible Man. I don't know what you wrote, but whatever it is, you better not let Ms. Rivera read it.

Narrator

Too bad I didn't write that paper in invisible ink!

Drew

Is that all you watch? The Munsters?

Narrator

Yeah, he watches The Addams Family, too.

Let's do it.

Narrator

Years later, those very same words sent Mary Kay Letourneau to jail.

Does anyone know what these are?

Narrator

Reason her husband cries?

Chris

Beaver tails?

I don't know why we need to learn about history, anyway. What difference does it make who won World War III? It's over. The Japanese won, and now we have Walkmans.

Narrator

Thank God Italy won World War IV and we got pizza.

Do I have black sunglasses and a piano?

Narrator

Actually, he did.

Mr. Omar

Don't you already have two jobs? You want another one?

Narrator

That's like asking Amy Winehouse if she wants another drink.

Narrator

While I had it hard, my father became a soft touch.

Risky

Hey, I need $10 for gas.

Julius

Regular or premium?

Risky

Premium!

Julius

[giving Risky some money] Here you go.

Risky

My man! [walks off]

Vanessa

I need to get my hairdryer fixed.

Julius

Just buy yourself a new one. [gives Vanessa some money]

Vanessa

Ooh! [walks off]

Monk

I need some ammo for my bazooka.

Julius

Anti-tank or anti-personnel?

Monk

Anti-tank, of course.

Julius

[giving Monk some money] Here you go.

Monk

Thank you. [walks off]

Jerome

Can you lemme hold some bail money?

Julius

And get yourself a lawyer, too. [gives Jerome some money]

C'mon, boy. [drags Jerome away]

Jerome

I didn't do nothin'.

Doc's told me so much about you.

Narrator

He didn't tell me a thing about you.

Chris

If I don't have a woman by the time I'm 60...

Narrator

I'll kill myself.

It is the same thing over and over again, and Stacy is tired of it! Stacy is not a fool! When Stacy smells smoke, Stacy doesn't stand around and wait for the fire! Stacy is leaving!

Narrator

Referrin' to yourself in the third person. It ain't just for athletes no more.

Doc

Get that bottle of whisky for me.

Narrator

At least he didn't ask me for a box of tissues.

Narrator

Stacy was back with Doc and out of the store on weekends, which was all I ever wanted. Doc said he was gettin' another cashier. Whoever it was, they'd have to be better than Stacy.

Mr. Fong

Hey, Lionel Richie, you're late! Get busy! Scrub floor!

Narrator

Believe it or not, Doc's girlfriend was the second-worst boss I've had. Mr. Fong was the worst, and I could only imagine how hard it would be workin' for him again.

Mr. Fong

Hey, quit imagining what it would be like to work for me and get back to work, Lionel Richie.

Drew

I love Stacy. She came by today and brought me a pie. And if she was 13, I'd probably have to take her from you, Doc.

Narrator

You'd have to get past R. Kelly first.