Narrator quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Greg

Captain Obvious only gives you the obvious solution. The rest is up to you.

Narrator

Kinda like Google.

Doc

Stacy said it's over, called me every name in the book.

Narrator

You can never find that book in the library.

What's the matter, past your bedtime?

Narrator

Yes!

Julius

Why is it always my responsibility to make sure the anniversary is good while you get to sit back and complain? I spent money on dinner, tickets, a hotel, and what do I get? $250 worth of angry stare.

Narrator

Nowadays, that stare costs over a thousand.

Chris

What you think I am, a snitch?

Narrator

Yes!

Rochelle

Oh, baby, this is the best make-up anniversary ever.

Narrator

Translation: You blew it once, don't make it happen again.

Julius

We won't be able to use those $150 worth of show tickets to celebrate our anniversary.

Narrator

Sidney Poitier had nothing on my father's actin' abilities.

And the award for "Best Husband Acting Like He Was Sad About Not Going Out On His Anniversary When He Was Actually Upset About Losing His Money" goes to... Julius!

Vanessa

I was married once. For our anniversary, he took me to a Knicks game. I broke up with him at halftime.

Narrator

And ended up goin' home with Bernard King.

Chris

I got all the emergency numbers: Fire, Police, SWAT, FBI, CIA, IRS, NAACP, and the NBA.

Narrator

In case Chris Mullin breaks in.

Jerome

Hey, little dude out on a date, lemme hold your money! [Chris runs off]

Chris, wait!

Narrator

No!

Vanessa

Every time the Jets win, I use my green toothbrush.

Narrator

Four outta five dentists think she's crazy.

Chris

Lemme make it up to you. Lemme take you out again.

No. Never. Het. Noya. No, no, no, no, no, and no.

Narrator

Unfortunately for me, Kelly spoke 15 languages.

Jo. Cuwa. Momo. Tla.

Narrator

Was that Cherokee?

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

Vanessa

[explaining her date with Kill Moves] We opened the champagne, headed for the seaport. There was a pink helicopter waitin' for me.

Narrator

You can hear about the rest of Vanessa's date at www.vanessa'sbigdatewithkillmoves.tv.

Narrator

Kelly didn't realize that I was avoidin' bein' seen with her. She just thought I was the greatest phone boyfriend ever.

Chris

I guess my favorite rappers are Run-D.M.C.

I love Salt-n-Pepa.

Chris

My favorite character from the Rocky movies is Clubber Lang.

I love Captain Drago.

Chris

And I jumped off the top stairs, started flyin', and landed on the Mary Jane Girls.

I had the exact same dream, except I landed on Rick James.

Narrator

About the only thing we didn't talk about is when we'd get together again.

Rochelle

What's this?

Narrator

Flowers from a white person's garden.