Risky quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Narrator

It seemed like everyone had advice for raising a baby.

Kill Moves

You need to teach this boy how to protect himself. Now, I suggest the Brazilian two-finger neck snap! Want me to show you how it works?

Mr. Omar

Teach the baby to honor the mother and the father, and if the father should meet a tragic death, the baby shouldn't be upset if the mother makes friends with a nice man.

[off-screen] Omar, I need more bubbles!

Mr. Omar

Gotta go.

Risky

Teach this baby the difference between the knock-offs and the real thing. For instance, "Gucci" does not have an "H" in it.

Monk

Ask anybody. They'll tell you. You can always hang out with your daddy. Go to the movie.

Jerome

Go to the game, man. You know if my father wasn't in jail, that's what I'd do.

Mr. Omar

Yeah, go to the game, but whatever you do, don't sit behind home plate. My father was killed by a line drive to the medulla oblongata. Tragic!

Risky

Go to the game. My father never took me 'cause I was a test tube baby. Want some peanuts?

Kill Moves

Why don't you and the girl go see a movie about the game that your father's goin' to?

Narrator

While I had it hard, my father became a soft touch.

Risky

Hey, I need $10 for gas.

Julius

Regular or premium?

Risky

Premium!

Julius

[giving Risky some money] Here you go.

Risky

My man! [walks off]

Vanessa

I need to get my hairdryer fixed.

Julius

Just buy yourself a new one. [gives Vanessa some money]

Vanessa

Ooh! [walks off]

Monk

I need some ammo for my bazooka.

Julius

Anti-tank or anti-personnel?

Monk

Anti-tank, of course.

Julius

[giving Monk some money] Here you go.

Monk

Thank you. [walks off]

Jerome

Can you lemme hold some bail money?

Julius

And get yourself a lawyer, too. [gives Jerome some money]

C'mon, boy. [drags Jerome away]

Jerome

I didn't do nothin'.