Mr. Thurman quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

[to Chris] You got a way with words, which would be a good thing if this was... you-got-a-way-with-word-ology!

If you wanna get along with me, don't be lazy.

Narrator

Or black.

Who the hell are you?

Chris

I'm Chris.

Narrator

Star of the new movie, Guess Who's Coming to Homeroom.

Do I have black sunglasses and a piano?

Narrator

Actually, he did.

You got a big future ahead of you.

Narrator

A super-sized future.

Do you know William Henry Harrison?

Chris

Yeah. Wasn't he that guy who cleaned up that woman in My Fair Lady?

No, that was Rex Harrison.

Chris

Oh.

William Henry Harrison was the ninth President of the United States, and he gave the longest inaugural address in history, and guess what?

Chris

What?

Since you like to talk so much, you are gonna memorize that speech!

Chris

But I have to study for finals!

Not if you don't get that speech memorized because if ya don't, you're gonna get suspended, and then you won't be here to take final exams! You got a momma joke for that?

Narrator

If I tell it, I'll get suspended right now.

Narrator

Just about everything I went through at school was hard. The work was tough.

Chris

"Q"?! What's a "Q"?!

Narrator

The people were mean.

Chris

[to Greg] Go ahead. [Greg runs off] [Chris tries to get out of the way but Caruso blocks him every time.] [annoyed] Are we havin' a fight or a dance-off? [Caruso punches him]

Caruso

You know I can't dance.

Narrator

But the one thing about school that was harder than anything else...

Rochelle

Chris, wake up.

Narrator

...was gettin' there.

Rochelle

It's time to go to school. You can't learn nothin' in bed.

Narrator

Tell that to Kim Kardashian. While most kids were still sleepin', I had to get my clothes on, wash may face, brush my teeth, eat...

Chris

[stopping a bus] Hey-hey-hey! Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! Wait, wait! [shows bus ticket, and the bus door opens.]

Narrator

...and then catch three buses. If I got the first one on time, it gave me just enough time to catch the second one which usually made me right on time to catch the third one. And if nothing went wrong, I'd be on time.

Greg

Hey, Chris.

Chris

[to Greg] Hey. [to Mr. Thurman] After you.

[to Chris] You're late. Now go to the principal's office and get a tardy slip.

Here. [gives Chris a tardy slip.] Just for the record, Chris, you can't afford to be late again. The clocks in this school are set to Eastern Standard Time, not C.P. Time.

Chris

What difference does it make if I'm late? We took all our tests. We only got, like, one more week to go.

Counting today, you have been late 29 times this year, and 30 is the limit. If you're late again, you will not be promoted. You will have to repeat the 10th grade.

Chris

[outraged] Say what?!

[sticking to her guns] Say word.

Narrator

Oh, there's a word I wanna say, all right!

Chris

Mr. Thurman, I can't be late!

Then consider yourself early for next year.