Cheryl David quotes from Curb Your Enthusiasm

Cheryl

"Uh, Who is it?"

Larry

[regarding his "bunch-up"] Is it a bad thing? Maybe it's not such a bad thing.

Cheryl

Oh, 'cause you want people to think you constantly have an erection?

Larry

And who knows, you know what? Maybe I'll be able to need a lawyer someday.

Cheryl

Anything could happen.

Larry

A lot of people sue me.

Larry

What's the guy, 40 years old? He's got to meet Julia Louis-Dreyfus! What kind of person is that?!

Cheryl

He's a fan.

Larry

What does he expect to gain from such a meeting? What does he think? He's gonna go over there, she's gonna be so charmed by him that all of a sudden they'll start becoming friends? They'll talk on the phone and go out to dinner together, go to the movies? What, start e-mailing each other? Summer vacations? Is he out of his fucking mind?!

Cheryl

I guess Julia will have to come back over. You'll just have to arrange another meeting.

Larry

Are you out of your mind now?

Cheryl

[referring to the caterer who stole their food] You know, this is very unprofessional if you ask me.

Larry

It's completely unprofessional. And I know because my whole career's been based on being unprofessional.

Larry

What?

Cheryl

"What?" We got a paper, that's what!

"Devoted sister, beloved cunt"?! [showing Larry the paper] That's what you put in the paper?!

Larry

[In shock] This is a typo! It should be "aunt"!

Cheryl

Did Jeff look at this before he turned it in?

Larry

They have proofreaders at papers!

Larry

Why don't we just call your doctor?

Cheryl

You can't call my doctor on the weekends, unless it's a life threatening emergency.

Larry

What?

Cheryl

Yeah, if you call his machine, it'll tell you you can't page him.

Larry

You called up and that's what it said?

Cheryl

Yeah.

Larry

That is obscene, you know that? [imitating the doctor] "Can't disturb the doctor on the weekend! Don't call the Dr. Zeppler on the weekend unless it's life-threatening!"

Cheryl

OK, OK.

Larry

[imitates the doctor's wife] "Norman, is someone calling? Who's calling? We're in the middle of dinner, Norman!"

Cheryl

Larry...

Larry

"This better be life-threatening or you're not gonna leave this house!"

Cheryl

Larry, please. I'm begging you.

Larry

"Norman! Unless they were burned in a fire I don't want you getting up from your chair. Do you understand, Norman?"

Larry

I can't wait to call my parents. They are gonna be so proud of me! When I tell my father I figured out out that navigation system, he's gonna flip his wig! And he's got one too!

Cheryl

Can we turn on the radio?

Larry

Oh, he's gonna be very proud of Larry figuring out the navigation system!

Cheryl

Please.

Larry

"Daddy, I'm not so stupid!"

Cheryl

Oh my God, is that the ocean?

Larry

Eh, you get used to that in two days.

Larry

This isn't our food.

Cheryl

Did you check the order before you left?

Larry

Yeah, I did, but I decided to take the wrong food home. Thank you for inquiring.

Larry

I don't know why you call him an asshole. He's not an asshole, he's just shy.

Cheryl

No, he's not shy. He thinks he's smarter than ever everbody else and he sits there and he judges and he--

Larry

No, he doesn't, he's just shy! You got shy/asshole confusion, my friend.

Cheryl

No, I don't think so.

Larry

Yes, I think so, my friend.

Jeff

So, tomorrow night, you guys wanna go to dinner before part two?

Cheryl

Uhmm...

Larry

No.

Cheryl

Well, I do wanna go to part two.

Larry

No.

Jeff

You gotta go to part two! You're a part of the ABC Family!

Cheryl

Yeah, we're definitely going to part two.

Larry

Yeah, but we're not going to dinner with you though.

Cheryl

We've already made plans.

Larry

We don't have any plans, we just don't wanna go to dinner with you.

Larry

This is very good, by the way. Thank you. Is this a cafe latte? What is that? Milk..

Milk, uh...

Larry

Milk and coffee.

Milk and coffee, yeah.

Larry

Milk and coffee! Who would've thought? Milk and coffee!

Cheryl

You know, we need to go now.

Larry

Oh my God, what a drink! It's milk and coffee mixed together! You've gotta go there! Sit down, have a doughnut! Have a bagel!

Larry

You know what? You gotta stop that grunting.

Cheryl

What are you talking about?

Larry

You grunt every shot. Every shot you hit you go "UHH! UHH!". You make this disgusting noise. You don't hear it?

Cheryl

No.

Larry

What do you mean "no"?

Cheryl

That's how I play tennis. I didn't even know I was doing it.

Larry

Well, you grunt every shot and it's really annoying, and it's throwing me off.

Cheryl

Oh! Is that why you're losing?

Larry

It sounds like pigs fucking!