Leon quotes from Curb Your Enthusiasm

Leon

Yeah, that's how I do it, baby, ha ha ha. Joe Pepitone up in this motherfucker.

Leon

You god damn right I'm livin large! I just had a croissant filled with mutha fuckin' champagne!

Larry

What do you mean "what kind of cum"? Cum's cum.

Leon

Cum is not cum.

Larry

Cum's cum.

Leon

It couldn't have been mine, you know why? Cuz I gets mine, Larry. I brings the ruckus to the ladies.

Larry

Okay, so you're denying this, is that it?

Leon

First of all, look around this place, man. Is there any visuals here to jack off to? All we have is basic cable right? What am I gonna do, jack off to Andy Griffith?

Larry

You'll go in, he'll be up there, you're down here. Right? He's on top, he's asking you the questions. Then all of a sudden the interview starts, he asks you some questions, you answer some questions ... then you start asking him the questions, and you flip it. Now he's trying to impress you.

Leon

Turn that shit around on him.

Larry

Turn it around on him.

Leon

Topsy-turvy that motherfucker.

Larry

- Can I give you a little tip, huh? - Let's do it.

Larry

You're gonna go in. He'll be up here, okay? You're down here, right? He's on top.

Larry

- He's asking you the questions.

Leon

- Uh-huh.

Larry

Then all of a sudden the interview starts. He asks some questions, you answer some questions.

Larry

Then you start asking him the questions, and you flip it.

Larry

Now he's trying to impress you.

Leon

You mean the dizzle one, right?

Larry

What?

Larry

I'm not wearing no-fly underwear.

Leon

You gotta do it. You got long balls, Larry. Long balls, you've got long ass balls.

Larry

I've got long balls?

Leon

Doctor, you said he's got long balls, right?

Larry

Would you say I have unusually long..

They're a bit more distended than the average testicles.

Leon

You got long ass balls, Larry. "Long Ball Larry", that's your new name.

Larry

Long balls..who would've known.

Leon

Long balls, change your draws.

Leon

Mofy Dick, that's what he is.

- Moby Dick.

Leon

- No, Moqy Dick.

- No, it's called Moby Dick.

"Moby Dick" is you know the book by Melville.

Leon

Denise called.

Larry

What'd she say?

Leon

Give her a call.

Larry

She leave her number?

Leon

Nah.

Larry

Damn it! I don't have her number or her address.

Leon

Call information.

Larry

I don't know her last name. She was in my BlackBerry under "Denise handicapped". That's how I remember these names. Don't you do that in your Blackberry? You put names down with jobs, some association, so you remember who they are? I got "Sean yoga", the yoga teacher, and "Teresa masseuse".

Leon

I do the same thing. I got "Nancy big tits". I know Nancy got big ass tits. "Janelle sweet ass"..

So "Duberstein" - that's a Jewish name, right? - Yes, it is.

Leon

I was adopted by some lovely Jews.

- And you were bar mitzvahed? - Oh, yeah yeah.

Leon

Three times.

Leon

The last time was a few months ago in Atlantic City.

But I thought you only got bar mitzvahed once. You know, when you're 13 years old?

Leon

- No no no no, you misunderstood.

- What?

Leon

It's once every 13 years, you know.

Leon

You got to recharge the mitzvah, so you always keep your mitzvah kind of full, at capacity.

Leon

"Capacitme" Mitzvah capacity!!

Marty

L.D. Guess who's getting a divorce.

Larry

What?

Marty

Martin Norton Funkhouser.

Larry

Really?

Marty

And it's because of you! That man and I were talking about the London trip...

Larry

Yeah?

Marty

...I started to realize, "wait a minute. If I did go to Europe without her, I'd come back "and it would be 20 more years of boredom." So I said to Nan, "look, let's get a divorce." She said okay. I'm gonna be single! You and me!

Larry

Wow.

Marty

Is that great?

Leon

My man.

Jeff

Congratulations. Congratulations.

Leon

You know what you do when you get a fucking divorce? Ride around and bump the horn and shit like motherfuckers getting married.

Larry

What a great idea.

Leon

Goddamn right.

Larry

Put cans on your car, beep your horn.

Marty

"Just divorced."

Larry

"Just divorced."

Marty

I'm excited. I'm single.

Leon

Get out there, and get some new ass. Know what I'm saying, huh? You done ran the other ass in the ground, right?

Marty

Uh, I don't want to talk about my wife like that.

Leon

You ran that ass in the ground, and you're moving on, right?

Marty

Well, I didn't run any—we had a nice marriage for 20 years.

Leon

You ran that other ass in the ground…

Marty

I don't run people's ass in the ground.

Leon

All men do.

Larry

It's not a negative thing to run an ass in the ground. That's all.