Karen quotes from Corner Gas

Karen

I'm looking for my footbag.

Oscar

It's called a sock, Einstein!

Karen

Seriously, you guys, a joke's a joke, but I want my hacky-sack back.

Davis

We don't know where it is.

Karen

Okay... I guess uhh...I'll go look for it in...the Ruby! Am I getting warmer?

Wanda

You're getting weirder.

It's time that Dog River joined the 20th century.

Karen

Now we'll only be one century behind.

Karen

Oscar, do you have any liquid dish soap?

Oscar

Lickey disco?

Davis

Get her!

Karen

Yeah! Get her!

Lacey

Oh, have a heart!

Brent

That's "hurry hard".

Karen

Okay. A plane crashes on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan. Where do they bury the survivors?

Hank

Hmmm. Well, I guess you gotta figure out which province has more of the plane.

Karen

The plane is equally divided between the two provinces.

Hank

Oh.

Karen

[repeats herself] A plane crashes directly on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan. Where do they bury the survivors?

Hank

Ohhhhh! The survivors.... One on each side.

Oscar

Back in the '70s, I wrote a tune called Mona the Monkey. Next thing you know, I turn on the radio and there's Earl the Squirrel.

Karen

That's not exactly what we in the police business call "hard evidence".

Davis

It's not even soft evidence.

Oscar

Mona the Monkey? Earl the Squirrel?

Lacey

Casper the Ghost. Dennis the Menace.

Karen

Tony the Tiger.

Davis

Winnie the Pooh.

Lacey

Soup of the Day.

Oscar

You're all smart. Maybe Tony the Pooh doesn't know when he's being ripped off, ever think about that?

Lacey

Maybe just a half cup for you today.

Karen

So how did Florence die, anyway?

Wanda

Oh, uh, she died of a rare condition called, uh, almost 100.

Emma

This one's broken. [referring to a toy that's in a community donation box]

Wanda

Let's sing Christmas carols.

Lacey

Who would give a broken toy to a needy child?

Karen

You mean a cheap child.

Oscar

It's one of those motor goats; his head's come off. [chuckles]

Wanda

I think if you look in the neck hole, you'll see there's a twenty in there.

Wanda

[singing] Joy to the world, the Lord has come …

Brent

[to Lacey] I can see what you mean about the weird stuff reminding you.

Emma

That is a big jar.

Brent

Yeah, it's hard to believe it was once filled with pickled eggs.

Brent

Oh right. Like you two have never made a rash decision at a bulk food store.

Emma

So how many are there?

Karen

What? Jelly beans?

Emma

No, jars.

Karen

Well, there's only one.

Brent

Well, you two are off to a good start. I'll let you count these beans.

Davis

When have you ever cut my hair?

Karen

You take a lot of naps.

Karen

Davis is doing hard time, it's no walk in the park.

Karen

Okay goose-down comforter, hypo-allergenic pillow, earl grey tea-

Davis

No chamomile?

Karen

They were out.

Davis

This is gonna be hell.

Wanda

What's four times five?

19.

Oscar

21.

19.

Oscar

21.

19.

What's going on?

Wanda

I asked them what four times five is.

Isn't that 20?

Yeah, Fitzy's right.

Oscar

21.

19.

20.

Karen

I need an excuse of some sort.

Wanda

But I did all this work!

Karen

That's the excuse: You did all the work!

Karen

You make it sound like Christmas.

Wanda

Tax time beats the crap out of Christmas.