Hey Mr. Peterson there's a cold one waitin' for ya.
I know, and if she calls I'm not here.
S7 E10Bar Wars II: The Woodman Strikes Back
S7 E11Adventures in Housesitting
Let me see here, Rebecca Howe all alone and scared in a big old house. Sounds to me like a job for Sammy's Security Company, we get in before the burglars do!
That's what I like about you Sam; your pants are always thinkin'.
Sam, did you come out here because you were concerned I was scared? Or did you come out here to get me in the sack?
Hey I came out here because I was concerned and scared that I would never get you in the sack.
S7 E12Please Mr. Postman
[Rebecca passionately kisses Norm]
I don't know what got into me. Please apologize to Vera.
Are you kidding? After that Vera should apologize to me.
Was it my imagination or was that woman coming on to me?
Cliffie, Walt Disney should've had your imagination.
S7 E13Golden Boyd
Who wants to see a rich boy get his butt whooped?
Wait a minute, I can't leave. If you're gonna fight, go fight in the back. But remember, you've got to bus your own blood.
Oh hi. I hope I'm not too late. I heard my boyfriend was coming here to fight that nice bartender.
Fight? I've had sneezes that lasted longer.
S7 E14I Kid You Not
It's sad to say that kids unaccepted by their peers really never learn how to get along with people in the big grown up world.
Why is that, Cliff? 'Cause they keep boring everyone an driving them crazy with long speeches filled with meaningless statistics?
Yep! 63% of them live lives of quiet desperation.
How about those who sit next to them?
You know any female that rides around with Sammy in the car ends up going straight to bed with him.
I've ridden in that car.
Right.
Well I didn't go to bed with him.
Right and they always deny it afterwards.
S7 E15Don't Paint Your Chickens
As a business man you really have a lot to be desired. You know you haven't had a job in three months.
Cliff, you're absolutely right. I could do something about that or I can sit right here and feel sorry for myself and nurse this beer all day. Since I'm already here...
Well, everyone, you are looking at a winner.
You were the best kisser upper? Gee what does that trophy look like?
S7 E16The Cranemakers
[A pregnant Lilith enters the bar.]
Lay your hands upon me everyone, I am life. I am mother. My man's seed is nourished within me. [To Sam] Touch my breasts, my friend, I am lactating.
Boy, I tell ya, this is kind of a first for me, uh, but I'm gonna pass.
S7 E18What's Up, Doc?
What kind of problem should I make up?
Well how about this, I once took one of my kids to the school psychiatrist and he said the kid had kleptomania.
Anything come of it?
Got a couple of pens and a leather appointment book.
Or you could try using my problem. I've always had this terrible fear of being a failure.
You are a failure.
Then I've licked it.
Answer the question, what do I have in my life that isn't women or sex?
Come on Sam, you're a passionate guy. I bet you have a lot of things you care deeply about.
Yeah, like what?
Sailing.
Babes on waves. See, the doctor was right. I'm a shallow guy.
S7 E19The Gift of the Woodi
There are two approaches a woman can take in turning her looks to her advantage. The first is to play upon the male sexual drive and turn yourself into an object of desire. I have opted for the second.
What's that?
Scaring them stupid.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.