Clam quotes from Camp Lazlo

Lazlo

Hey Raj?

Raj

Yes lazlo?

Lazlo

How many times can you hop up and down?

Raj

Well, my legs ARE tremendously strong so I will have to say...eleven thousand times.

Lazlo

Yeah that sounds about right. How 'bout you Clam?

Clam

Four.

Lazlo

Four?

Raj

No way!

Clam

Four.

Edward

[over the radio] They're getting closer! This isn't a stunt! Call the coast guard!

Samson

[enters their cabin] Hey, guys! Chip! Skip! Come on, you two! We're gonna go watch Edward getting eaten by yetis!

Cool!

Lazlo

Come on! Hurry!

Clam

[while carrying Raj] Save Edward! Save Edward!

Dave

Where you going?

Raj

Radio station.

Clam

Save Edward.

Dave

[to Ping Pong] Want to watch Edward get eaten by yetis?

Ping Pong

It beats sitting here.

Edward

[still freaking out] Help! I lied about last night! This is real now! [voice cowering] This has been...Edward...After Dark. [screams as the yetis enter]

Raj

Are we too late?

Lazlo

[solemnly] Yes, Raj.

Raj

[to Clam] Can you put me down now?

Chip

[holding a radio] Goodbye, Edward.

Skip

What do you recommend? [Chip fills all the tray from rice] It needs something. [thinks what needs, meanwhile a fly dies by the insects killer and falls into the tray. he soon speaks to Chip] You’re a genius [although the dead fly do this]

Lazlo

Ugh... [walks backwards disgustedly]

Raj

I'm not hungry anymore.

Clam

We might throw up.

Lumpus

[annoyed] OH, I'LL TAKE THAT! [chews the tray and throws up off-screen]

Gretchen

Mine is the best!

Edward

No, mine is the best!

Gretchen

Oh, yeah?!

Edward

Yeah!

Gretchen

Listen, platypus. Frostbite Pops are the best and you know it!

Edward

If you brought your head out of the swamp, you would know that Sputnik Cosmopops are 33 and a third times better your garbage on a stick!

Gretchen

Drill Pops!

Edward

Cosmo Pops!

Lazlo

Isn't great how Gretchen and Edward debate every time we get a visit from the ice cream truck?

Raj

Really...great.

Clam

Dumb argument.

Edward

[firmly] She starts at every time!

Samson

Hey wait, they're just trying to distract us from the real funny. Lazlo's still wearing a diaper!

Lazlo

Huh, oh this isn't a diaper.

Raj

Really?

Clam

Denial.

Samson

It's not? Well then what is it?

Lazlo

It's a tinkle-tog, just like the astronaut's wear.

Samson

So, you're actually wearing some sort of futuristic space diaper?

Lazlo

Yeah, kind of.

Edward

Ta da! [no one didn't pay attention to him] Some people just had no class. Is someone gonna take my cloak or am I just gonna stand here all day?

Glad to, Edward. [takes Edward's Cloak]

Edward

This is what I'm talking about.

Nice cape.

Edward

It's a cloak, you peasant.

[imitates Edward] Look at me. I'm the king of Camp Kidney.

Edward

I know where you live, freak! You stain my cloak, you buy my cloak. Capisce? [give Chef McMuesli the note] Chef McMuesli. Chef McMuesli. Look what I got.

Chef McMuesli

Oh it's Edward Day Huh?

Edward

Go ahead, McMuesli. Surprise me.

Chef McMuesli

[imitates Edwars] Give me my lunch and make it snappy, broccoli breath!

Edward

Just give me some lunch, will ya?

Chef McMuesli

[still imitating Edward] Coming right up! One macaroni surprise! Next!

Edward

[sits right next to Samson] You have the honor of sitting with me, peasant.

Samson

[imitates Edward] What do you want to see me? Get sick or something?

Edward

[annoyed] Listen up people. I don't know what you think you're all doing. You should be worshiping me! [everyone imatates Edward] Enough already! I hear by declare Edward Day finished!

Edward

Alright, who's the wise guy? Well, where are ya?

Clam

Well, where are ya?

Edward

Wha? [everyone likes Clam's impersonation of Edward] You're supposed to worship me, not imitate me!

Clam

You're supposed to worship me, not imitate me!

Edward

GRRRR!!!

Clam

GRRRR!!

Edward

That's it!

Clam

That's it!

Edward

[walks out of the Mess Hall] I'm gonna end Edward Day once and for all! [plays the bedtime bugle]

Clam

So I say to the guy "what am I, a duck?"

Raj

It's bedtime already?

Lumpus

[from the window] Trying to nap here!

Edward

That's the bedtime bugle, Lumpus. Go back to bed!

Lumpus

Oh, daylight savings time, huh? Well, keep it down anyway!

Edward

There. problem solved. Edward Day is officially over.

Lazlo

Wanna play shadow puppets?

Samson

I just drop teddy at the Laundromat.

Edward

[goes into his cabin] Phew! Goodbye camp Hello dreamland. [noticed Clam was in his bed and screams] WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BUNK?!

Clam

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BUNK?!

Clam

But I Love being Edward.

Edward

You're not Edward, I'M EDWARD!

Clam

You're not Edward, I'M EDWARD!

Edward

Grr! Hey, stink sacks!

Clam

Hey, stink sacks!

Edward

Will you tell this fruitcake who Edward is?!

Clam

Will you tell that fruitcake who Edward is?!

Skip

Are we dreaming?

Chip

I think so.

See?!

Clam

[from inside] Nobody's interesting!

Edward

[from inside] Don't copy me!

Clam

[from inside] Stop doing that!

Edward

[from inside] Why are you such an idiot?! [the Bean Scouts wake up and goes to Edward's Cabin and complain] You can go to sleep after you tell this imitation who the original Edward is!

Clam

Not in this lifetime, butterball!

Samson

Okay, now that is Edward.

Lazlo

[walks up to Clam and Edward] Excuse me. Pardon me Fred. Pardon me hippo guy. Uh beg pardon pig character that I've not met until now. [chuckles] Looks like we've got ourselves a little mix up. Hmm. What we need here is a good old fashion face off to find the real Edward. Let's start with Edward on the Right.

Edward

Edward on the right?! THERE IS NO EDWARD ON THE RIGHT!!! I'M THE ONLY EDWARD!!!!

BOOOO!!!!

Too wimpy!

Lazlo

Well, I guess that was pretty good.

Clam

I'm surrounded by idiots!

Lazlo

Yeah that's him!

Edward

This camp is only big enough for one Edward!

Edward on the right! Edward on the right!

Edward

[leaves his cabin] If he's Edward then who does that make me Clam? Ugh can't think of the worse...Wait a minute. Wait just one minute.

Lazlo

Oh, um, hello there, Edward. What can I do for ya?

Edward

[imitating] Duh, me Clam.

Lazlo

Do you have something stuck in your throat, Edward?

Edward

No [grabs the picture] Duh, Clam. I am Clam.

Lazlo

Oh, I get it. He likes our picture.

Raj

Oh, flattery will get you everywhere, Edward.

Edward

Clam!!! I'm impersonating Clam, you idiots!!!

Raj

Okay, is he still doing Clam?

Lazlo

I think he's trying to do Edward again. Oooh, look what time it is. Well, Clam, we better get down to the mess hall. We don't want to miss breakfast.

Dave

How come we're having dinner for breakfast?

Ping Pong

This is highly logical.

Lazlo

Good morning, friendship campers!

Raj

Good morning, Camp Kidney!

Lazlo

Come on! You can do it.

Edward

Uh, I'm Clam.

Raj

Ooooh, he's really improving.

Chip

Are we asleep?

Skip

I think so.

Samson

Hey, Ed Man. Why don't you cut in front of me?

Clam

Don't mind if I do.

Chef McMuesli

Oh, hey, Edward. That was a lot of fun yesterday. How about a second helping?

Edward

Hey. Uh who cares about Edward? He's a jerk.

Chip

Is your dream about Edward?

Skip

I think so.

Clam

And I said to the guy "what do I look like a Squirrel Scout?"

Edward

Uh, Clam no think new Edward is so funny.

Samson

Who's that supposed to be?

Clam

Well, if it isn't Clam. Clam here is so short when it rains. He's the last to know.

Edward

[voiceover] That should be me up there getting all that attention. Getting laughs at someone else's expense. He's already had his day with the gooseberry. [gets an idea; spoken] He's not Edward and I can prove it! [laughs] Clam loves gooseberry bushes! [eats gooseberries out of a bush] Mmm gooseberries! Who can resist them?! [eats more gooseberries] Too bad you can't eat any of these delicious gooseberries! Edward hates goose berries! [spits out gooseberries]

Clam

Gooseberries?

Edward

I can't even remember when I last had gooseberries this good!!

Clam

[normal voice] Duh, gooseberries! [drooling]

Samson

Please tell me that's not drool.

Clam

Not Edward anymore! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! [eats the goosberries]

Edward

I win! I'm the king of the Edwards! EUUUUUUUUAGGGH!!! [starts to have his gooseberry allergy] Gooseberry hives?! Well at least I'm still Edward.

Samson

[with binoculars staring up at the sun] Is it bad to stare directly at the sun?

Clam

[looking directly at the sun with binoculars and getting his eyes slowly burned] Yes.

Samson

This camp is filthy! I wanna be clean!

Raj

I want to be famous!

Clam

I wanna be understood!

Baby cow whisperers!

Samson

Camp Dinkey has it all! Let's go to Camp Dinky!

Lazlo

Oops.

"Oops?!" We're stranded in the wild with no supervision, and no shelter! And you say, "Oops?!" [paranoid] We're all gonna die. [spins around, panicking] We're all gonna die! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!

Clam

Milt! Come here. [holds out his arms, offering Milt for comfort]

Clam

[waking up from his pancake dream] Pancake Day!

Lazlo

[unenthusiastically while sleeping] Yay.

Raj

Clam, it is not considered day until there is sun. Until then, it is night.

Clam

Pancakes, pancakes! [bolts out of the Jelly cabin and into the Mess Hall as the sun rises in daytime] Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes! [howls like a rooster as Chef McMuseli opens the kitchen window while yawning; excitedly] Pancake Day!

[remembers unenthusiastically] Oh, yeah. It's Pancake Tuesday. [gets a tub of pancake batter] Huh… Ooh-whee, gosh. The batter tub's pretty empty.