Warren Mears quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Which one of you is the leader?

I am.

I will kill the leader.

[pointing at one another] He is.

I will kill you all.

Jonathan

Wait! Uh, no fair. It's not our fault the Slayer was there. We said we'd pay you, and we're gonna.

[dropping to his knees] Yes! Truly, Lord Jonathan is the wisest of us all.

Andrew

[also kneeling] Uh, yeah. Long live our noble lord and master.

Jonathan

You guys suck.

[grabs Jonathan by the throat] You can't pay me with paper, tiny king. You pitted me against the Slayer. For that, I must kill you.

Then I will suck dry your bones and use them to beat your subjects to death.

What the hell is that?

Andrew

Death Star, dude! Wicked, huh?

Jonathan

Uh, thermal exhaust port's above the main port, numbnuts.

Andrew

For your information, I'm using the Empire's revised design from Return of the Jedi.

Jonathan

That's a flawed design!

Okay, we'll scratch your back, you scratch...

Spike

I'm not going to scratch your anything. You do what I tell you.

Buffy

So you three have, what? Banded together to be pains in my ass?

We're your arch-nemesises...ses. You may have beaten us this time, Slayer, but next time... um... uh, next time...

Jonathan

Maybe not!

Buffy

I give you my arch-nemesis...ses...ses.

So how did you get so beautiful?

Okay, does that line usually work?

What the hell are you doing here?

It's nice seeing you again too, Katrina.

Yeah, it's the "seeing you" part that's throwing me here, Warren, because I thought I was pretty clear with the "never wanting that to happen again."

That was a long time, baby.

Apparently not long enough.

Oh, you're not still sore about that thing, are you?

What thing would that be, exactly? The "wind-up-slut" you tinkered together? Or when Miss "Nuts-'n-Bolts" tried to choke me to death?

Okay, so, I've made a few mistakes...

No, no, I did - for ever lowering myself to be with a jerk like you.

No, don't say that.

Well, what did you expect? Just... waltz there and sweep me off my feet with your cheesy lines and fancy suit?

No! I-I just... thought we could talk... maybe work things out.

There is nothing to work out. What you did was sick, and just looking at you makes me want to vomit!

Are you sure about that?

Yes, God yes I'm sure...!

I love you, Master.

I just, I wanted us to be together!

There is no us, Warren! Get that through your big meaty head! I am not your girlfriend anymore!

Jonathan

She's your ex?

Andrew

Dude, that is messed up.

Oh, you think? You bunch of little boys, playing at being men. Well, this is not some fantasy, it's not a game, you freaks! It's rape!

Jonathan

We're risking everything so that Charles Atlas can get a date? He's going to end up getting us thrown into jail. Or worse. Maybe you and I should think about--

Andrew

Warren's the boss. He's Picard, you're Deanna Troi. Get used to the feeling, Betazoid.

Don't worry babies, daddy gonna give you some too.

Xander

See, now I think it's the daddy thing that's throwing her, 'cause incest, not that sexy.

You think you could just do that to me? You think I'd let you get away with that? [laughs some seconds] Think again. [Points a gun at Buffy and shoot five times, three of them while he runs away]

Tara

[Has been shot in her chest from behind, looking confused at Willow] Your shirt...

It was an accident, you know.

Oh. You mean, instead of killing my best friend you killed my girlfriend.

It wasn't personal, that's all.

Well this is.

Wanna know what a bullet feels like, Warren? A real one? It's not like in the comics.

No, no-

I think you need to. Feel it.

Oh God... Stop it -

It's not going to make a neat little hole. First - it'll obliterate your internal organs. Your lung will collapse, feels like drowning...

Please! No-

When it finally hits your spine, it'll blow your central nervous system-

Stop!! God, please!

I'm talking. The pain will be unbearable, but you won't be able to move... A bullet usually travels faster than this, of course. But the dying? It seems like it takes forever. Something, isn't it? One tiny piece of metal destroys everything. It ripped her insides out... It took her light away. From me. From the world... And now the one person who should be here is gone - and a waste like you gets to live. A tiny piece of metal. Can you feel it now?

I said - can you feel it? [Willow unravels the stitches.]

Please, God... I did wrong, I see that now. I need... jail! I need... But you - you don't want this. You're not a bad person. Not like me-

Buffy

[calling out in the distance] Willow!

When you get caught - you'll lose them too. Your friends. You don't want that. I know you're in pain but-

[Willow magically flays Warren, just as Buffy and Xander reach her.] Bored now.

Xander

Oh my God.

Buffy

What did you do? Willow, what did you do?

[setting Warren's body aflame] One down. [then vanishing]