Rupert Giles quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Giles

Quite. And it, uh, acts on-on pure instinct. No conscience, uh, uh, predatory and-and aggressive.

Buffy

In other words, your typical male.

Xander

On behalf of my gender, hey!

Giles

Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions.

Buffy

I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were.

Giles

Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?

Cordelia

Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.

Xander

Oh, no, no. No. Not cool. This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was "I'm dead as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore."

Giles

Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist.

Xander

I defined something? Accurately? Guess I'm done with the book learning.

Giles

[about the ghost of James] He's-he's trying to... resolve whatever issues are keeping him in limbo. What exactly those are, I'm not...

Buffy

He wants forgiveness.

Giles

Yes. I imagine he does. But when James possesses people, they act out exactly what happened that night. So he's experiencing a form of purgatory instead. I mean, he's doomed to kill his Ms. Newman over and over and over again, and... Forgiveness is impossible.

Buffy

Good. He doesn't deserve it.

Giles

To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's not done because people deserve it, it's done because they need it.

Buffy

No. James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind passion. And that's not something you forgive. No matter why he did what he did. And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish and stupid, it is just something he's gonna have to live with.

Xander

He can't live with it, Buff. He's dead.

Buffy

So, something ripped him open and ate out his insides?

Willow

Like an Oreo cookie, well, except for, you know, without the... chocolatey cookie goodness.

Willow

So we're looking for a beastie.

Giles

That, uh, eats humans whole, except for the skin.

Buffy

This doesn't make any sense.

Xander

Yeah, the skin's the best part.

Buffy

Any demons with high cholesterol? [Giles looks at her] You're gonna think about that later, mister, and you're gonna laugh!

Xander

Let's see, I got to take a makeup chem test at 3:00. And then I'm meeting some of the guys for plasma transfusions at 5:00. It's turned into quite the busy afternoon.

Buffy

The fun never stops with you, does it?

Willow

Giles seems pretty confident that the treatments are gonna work.

Xander

Well, turning into a creepy-crawly wasn't on my top ten list of thing to do before I turn 20.

Cordelia

I want you to know that you've really proven yourself to me. And you don't have to join the new team next year if you don't want. I'd be just as happy if you played football.

Giles

The-the people from animal control have just left. Our creatures have apperently made a-a dash for it. Um, so to speak.

Willow

Does that mean we're gonna have to hunt them again?

Buffy

No, I don't think so. I don't think we'll be seeing them anymore.

Giles

Where do you think they'll go?

Buffy

Home.

Giles

I've been on the phone with the museum, the artifact in question is missing and the curator has been murdered vampires.

Buffy

And you're sure this is the tomb of alfalfa.

Giles

Acathla, and yes the information provided by Kendra's Watcher seems conclusive.

Willow

Okay somebody explain the whole he will suck the world into hell thing because that's the part I'm not loving.

Giles

Well the demon universe exists in a dimension separate from our own, and one breath of Acathla will create a vortex a kind of whirlpool that will pull everything on earth into that dimension where any non-demon life will suffer horrible and eternal torment.

Buffy

So that would be the literal kind of sucked into hell. Neat. Willow I think you should try the curse.

Kendra

I tend to stand with your friend Xander on this one. Angel should be eliminated.

Buffy

Oh I'll fight him. I'll kill him if I have to, but if I Don't get there in time or I lose then Willow might be our only hope.

Willow

[nervously] But I don't want to be our only hope, I crumble under pressure, lets have another hope.

Kendra

We have. [pulls out a sword] Blessed by the knight who first slew the demon if all else fails this might stop it. [hesitantly] I think.

Giles

Oh ooh may I. [Kendra hands Giles the sword] Thank you. [examining sword] Well its only if all else fails. [to Willow] Uh uh-mm how close are you to figuring out the ritual to the curse.

Willow

Oh I need about a day, and an Orb of Thessulah, whatever that is.

Giles

Spirit vault for the undead, I've got one. I've been using it as a paperweight.

Willow

This means I can't help you study for tomorrow's final.

Buffy

Oh, I'll wing it. Of course, if we go to Hell by then, I won't have to take 'em... Or maybe I'll be taking them forever.

Angel

Just tell me what I need to know.

Giles

In order t-to... to be worthy... you must perform the ritual.. in a tutu. Pillock!

Angel

Alright. Someone get the chain saw.

Xander

Giles!

Giles

Xander?

Xander

[untying Giles] Can you walk?

Giles

You're not real.

Xander

Sure I'm real.

Giles

It's a trick. They get inside my head, make me see things I want.

Xander

Then why would they make you see me?

Giles

Oh right. Let's go.

Giles

I mean, I appreciate your efforts to keep the vampire population down until Buffy returns, but if anything should happen to you, or you... should be killed, I should take it somewhat amiss.

Willow

You'd be cranky?

Giles

Entirely.

Willow

Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement: "Don't get killed."

Cordelia

Nice pet, Giles. Don't you like anything regular? Golf, USA Today, or anything?

Giles

We're trying to find out how and why it rose from the grave. It's not as if I want to take it home and offer it a saucer of warm milk.

Oz

Well, I like it. I think you should call it Patches.

Buffy

[about Kakistos] Now, this guy shows up two days ago, right? Right around the same time my bestest new little sister makes her scene.

Giles

You think he and Faith are connected?

Buffy

Giles, there are two things that I don't believe in: coincidence and leprechauns.

Giles

Well, Buffy, it's entirely possible that they both arrived here by chance simultaneously.

Buffy

Okay, but I was right about the leprechauns, right?

Giles

As far as I know, yes.

Buffy

Angel was cured.

Giles

I'm sorry?

Buffy

When I killed him, Angel was cured. [to Willow] Your spell worked at the last minute, Will. I was about to take him out, and, um, something went through him, and he was Angel again. He-he didn't remember anything that he'd done. He just held me. Um, but i-it was, it was too late, and I, I had to. So I-I told him that I loved him, I kissed him, and I killed him.

Giles

Our task now is to determine what sort of killer we are dealing with. Quite clearly, we're looking for a depraved, sadistic animal.

Oz

Present. Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing is impeccable.

Buffy

It was just too much to deal with. It was like nothing made sense anymore. The things that I thought I understood were gone. I just felt... so alone.

Giles

Was that the math or the verbal?

Buffy

Mostly the math.

Giles

Well, if you scored low, then you can always take them again.

Buffy

More SATs? Ugh. Was there really a point? I could die before I even apply to college.

Giles

Then it very possibly might not.

Buffy

Well, let's just keep hope alive.

Giles

Hello.

Joyce

Hi.

Giles

I say, your car seems to have had an adventure, doesn't it?

Joyce

Uh, Buffy assures me that it happened battling evil, so I'm letting her pay for it on the installment plan.

Buffy

Uh, hey, the way things were going, be glad that's the worst that happened. At least I got to the two of you before you actually did something.

Joyce

Right.

Giles

Indeed.

Joyce

Yes.