Rupert Giles quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Giles

You have responsibilities that other girls do not.

Buffy

Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah blah biddy blah, I'm so stuffy, give me a scone.

Giles

It's as if you know me.

Giles

She lied to me?

Willow

Well...

Angel

Did... she have a date?

Willow

(to Angel) Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off! (to Giles) And you never let her do anything except work and patrol! And I know she's the Chosen One, but you're killing her with the pressure! I mean, she's sixteen going on forty! (to Angel) And you! I mean, you're gonna live forever! You don't have time for a cup of coffee?? [Awkward beat.] Okay, I don't feel better now, and we've got to help Buffy.

Buffy

I told one lie, I had one drink.

Giles

Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture.

Cordelia

You did it. You saved us. I've never been so happy to see anyone in my whole. You guys. I just... hate you guys. The weirdest things always happen when you around. And you, you're going to jail for 15,000 years.

Buffy

I told one lie. I had one drink.

Giles

Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture.

Buffy

I'm sorry.

Giles

So am I. I... I drive you too hard because I know what you have to face. From now on, no-no more pushing, no more prodding. Just, um, an inordinate amount of nudging.

Giles

I believe that's called growing up.

Buffy

Then I'd like to stop, okay?

Giles

I know the feeling.

Buffy

Does it ever get easy?

Giles

You mean life?

Buffy

Yeah. Does it get easy?

Giles

What do you want me to say?

Buffy

Lie to me.

Giles

Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.

Buffy

Liar.

Buffy

I don't know what I'm supposed to say.

Giles

You needn't say anything.

Buffy

It'd be simpler if I could just hate him. I think he wanted me to. I think it made it easier for him to be the villain of the piece. Really, he was just scared.

Giles

Yes, I suppose he was.

Buffy

Nothing's ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate. Who to trust. And it's just, like, the more I know the more confused I get.

Giles

I believe that's called growing up.

Buffy

I'd like to stop then, okay?

Giles

I know the feeling.

Buffy

Does it ever get easy?

Giles

You mean life?

Buffy

Yeah. Does it get easy?

Giles

What do you want me to say?

Buffy

Lie to me.

Giles

Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats. And, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.

Buffy

Liar.

Giles

Um, a medical transport is delivering the monthly supply of blood to the hospital.

Buffy

Mm. Vampire Meals-On-Wheels.

Buffy

I'm not gonna lie to you. It was scary. I'm so used to you being a grownup, and then I find out that you're a person.

Giles

Most grownups are.

Buffy

[about Jenny] Hey. Is she okay?

Giles

Um... the hills are not alive.

Buffy

I'm sorry to hear that, I think.

Giles

I don't think she'll ever really forgive me. Maybe she shouldn't.

Buffy

Maybe you should.

Giles

I never wanted you to see that side of me.

Buffy

I'm not gonna lie to you. It was scary. I'm so used to you being a grownup. And then I find out that you're a person.

Giles

Oh, most grownups are.

Buffy

Who would've thought?

Giles

Some are even, uh, shortsighted, foolish people.

Buffy

So, after all this time, we finally find out that we do have something in common. Which, apart from being a little weird... is kind of okay. I think we're supposed to be training right now.

Giles

Yes, yes. Um, need to concentrate on your flexibility.

Buffy

And you know what? I have just the perfect music. Go on, say it. You know you want to.

Giles

It's not music, it's just, uh, meaningless sounds.

Buffy

There. Feel better?

Giles

Yes. Thanks. Bay City Rollers. Now, that's music.

Buffy

I didn't hear that.

Willow

There's a Slayer handbook?

Buffy

Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?

Willow

Is there a T-shirt, too? 'Cause that would be cool...

Giles

After meeting you, Buffy, I realized that, uh, the handbook would be of no use in your case.

Buffy

Well, what do you mean it would be of no use in my case? Wha- what's wrong with my case?

Buffy

Vampires are creeps.

Giles

Yes, that's why one slays them.

Buffy

I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people, and they take over your whole house, they start making these stupid little mini-pizzas, and everyone's like, "I like your mini pizzas", but I'm telling you, I am--

Giles

Uh, Buffy! I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh... text.

Cordelia

I don't get it. Buffy's the Slayer. Shouldn't she have...

Xander

What, a license to kill?

Cordelia

Well, not for fun! But she's, like, this Superman! Shouldn't there be different rules for her?

Willow

Sure, in a fascist society.

Cordelia

Right! Why can't we have one of those?

Willow

Buffy's not going to jail. It's not fair.

Giles

Whatever the authorities have planned for her, it can't be much worse than what she's doing to herself. She's taken a human life. The guilt, it... it's, it's pretty hard to bear, and it won't go away soon.

Cordelia

I guess you should know, since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time?

Giles

Yes. Do let's bring that up as often as possible.

Willow

Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you find the Gorches.

Giles

Yes! Yes, yes, that's not a bad idea. Strength in numbers.

Xander

Oh, right. I see a lotta hunting getting done in that scenario.

Buffy

Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion. Grow up! [cut to Buffy and Angel on patrol making out]

Xander

Which is another secret to conscientious egg care. A pot of scalding water and about eight minutes.

Willow

You boiled your young?

Giles

I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.

Xander

I resent that! Or possibly thank you.

Giles

A little of both might be appropriate.

Giles

It's not over. I suppose you know that. He'll come after you, particularly. His profile ... he's likely to strike out at the things that made him the most human.

Buffy

You must be so disappointed in me.

Giles

No. No no, I'm not.

Buffy

This is all my fault.

Giles

I don't believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. And I can. I know that you loved him. And, he ... he's proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months are, are going to be hard, I suspect on all of us. But if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm not your man. All you will get from me is my support. And my respect.