MBMadame Blavasky
[on the phone] You better not come around here again, Lester, or I'm calling the cops!! [Beavis and Butt-head walk in] Wait, I got some customers.
S4 E15Madame Blavatsky (Beavis and Butt-Head see a sign sponsoring fortune-telling) (Arabian music plays for two seconds) Beavis: Woah, hey check that out! Butt-Head: (pronouncing fortune teller) Fuh..fuh fart..Fuuh..forr..tuu Fortune, huh, huh, Fortune Teller. Beavis: Yeah, heh, heh, heh, let's go tell her our fortune. Heh, heh, heh. Butt-Head: No dumbass. She tells your fourtune. Beavis: Oh, heh, heh, heh, hey Butt-Head, what's that mean? Butt-Head: You know, your future. Beavis: Heh, heh, heh, what's that mean? Butt-Head: I don't know. Huh, huh, huh. Madame Blavasky: (on the phone) YOU BETTER NOT COME AROUND HERE AGAIN LESTER, OR I'M CALLING THE COPS!!! (Beavis and Butt-Head walk inside) Wait, I got some customers. Madame Blavasky: I see... a mansion... with many faithful servants.... a yacht... Beavis: I don't see any of that crap. (Beavis and Butt-Head are walking) (Beavis is wearing a Professor Quirrel-like headdress) Butt-Head: I didn't know you were psychic Beavis. Beavis: Yeah, remember what those doctors said on those tests? Butt-Head: No Beavis, they said you were psycho.
MBMadame Blavasky
I see…a mansion…with many faithful servants…a yacht…
I don't see any of that crap.
[Beavis is wearing a Professor Quirrel-like headdress]
I didn't know you were psychic, Beavis.
Yeah, remember what those doctors said on those tests?
, No Beavis, they said you were psycho.
S4 E16Beavis and Butt-head's Island
SSalesclerk
You boys don't look like you can afford anything in the store. Am I right?
Uhh…
Umm…
SSalesclerk
Only paying customers are allowed to come here and stare. Now, get out!
JJanitor
[noticeing that Beavis and Butt-head have been on the island in the fountain for a very long time] You do know that the water is only like two feet deep and you can walk across, right?
S4 E17Figure Drawing
Uh, tacos? You said there were tacos?
I don't feel too good. I don't want to draw some dude's schlong.
S4 E19Butt Is It Art?
[referring to a nude male statue's penis] Huhuh...it's hard, but it's not, like, hard.
Very good, Butt-head!
Now, works by the master painters of the centuries!
[Beavis and Butt-head break into laughter. Daria enters]
He said master painters!
[Daria exits]
Oh!
Yeah, master painting is cool.
What did you bring back, Butt-head?
One huge boob. [shows Beavis] What did you bring back?
[Beavis shows Butt-head a picture of something flesh colored]
Uh, what is it?
Heh heh. It's a butt.
S4 E20Right On
You've got the Gus Baker show, and the first topic: The death penalty! Yes or no?!
Yes!
Yes! The chair!! The chair!!! The chair!!!
In my opinion, you betcha!
Yes!
Yes! The chair!! The chair!!
And they call me reactionary...because I believe that criminals should be punished, and ordinary Americans like you and me should have the right to carry guns!
This dude's cool.
Also on today's show: Music videos! Who makes these affronts to common decency?! Where I come from, we have a word for garbage like that!!
Yeah. They suck!!
But first, a commercial! Our lines are open! Give us a call!
We think you're, like, cool.
Yeah, especially the part about giving dudes the chair. The chair!! The chair!!
The death penalty?
Yeah, and what you said about bums.
And music videos.
Well, you know what they say--great minds think alike! Listening to you boys, I can tell that our younger generation still has the moral strength and character to make this country great again!
Uhh...what?
Last week we heard from two boys whose characters were so impressive we brought them out here for today's show! Please welcome Beavis and, uh, Buth-coat!!
Now, people say that yours is a lost generation...violent, lazy, uneducated, sexually active!!
Huhuh, not Beavis.
Heheh, yeah, Butt-head doesn't get any either.
Well, you two are certainly fine upstanding young men...a credit to the youth of America!
(looking around at the applauding "dittoheads" in the audience) Hey Beavis, you see any chicks?
Okay, now, boys, I want to ask you: As decent young men,don't you agree with me that there is something very, very wrong with these so-called "music videos?"
BBBeavis and Butt-head
Yeah!! Really!!
These "rock videos" are immoral! Indecent! Profane! Scurrillous! And blasphemous!
Yeah! They suck! THEY SUCK!!! Indecent! Profane!
Yeah, especially Meatloaf. He sucks!
Hey! We're on the air! You can't use that language!
We use language?
(after Gus Baker whispers into his ear) Hey, Beavis, he says we can't say "sucks."
Really? That sucks.
Can we say "buttwipe?"
Yeah, how about "bunghole"? Bunghole!
What about buttmunch?
Yeah heheh, buttmunch. Or dillhole?
Dillweed?
Hey! Do you use that language at home?
Uhh...yeah!
Hey Gus...Peek-a-boo!! (moons the audience)
(running in front of Beavis) Cut to the commercial! GET THESE LITTLE BASTARDS OUT OF HERE!!!
Uhh...do you use that language at home?
Peek-a-boo!! (presumably moons the security guards who pull him and Butt-head off stage)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.