Gus Baker quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Gus Baker

You've got the Gus Baker show, and the first topic: The death penalty! Yes or no?!

Butt-head

Yes!

Beavis

Yes! The chair!! The chair!!! The chair!!!

Gus Baker

In my opinion, you betcha!

Butt-head

Yes!

Beavis

Yes! The chair!! The chair!!

Gus Baker

And they call me reactionary...because I believe that criminals should be punished, and ordinary Americans like you and me should have the right to carry guns!

Butt-head

This dude's cool.

Gus Baker

Also on today's show: Music videos! Who makes these affronts to common decency?! Where I come from, we have a word for garbage like that!!

Butt-head

Yeah. They suck!!

Gus Baker

But first, a commercial! Our lines are open! Give us a call!

Butt-head

We think you're, like, cool.

Beavis

Yeah, especially the part about giving dudes the chair. The chair!! The chair!!

Gus Baker

The death penalty?

Beavis

Yeah, and what you said about bums.

Butt-head

And music videos.

Gus Baker

Well, you know what they say--great minds think alike! Listening to you boys, I can tell that our younger generation still has the moral strength and character to make this country great again!

Butt-head

Uhh...what?

Gus Baker

Last week we heard from two boys whose characters were so impressive we brought them out here for today's show! Please welcome Beavis and, uh, Buth-coat!!

Gus Baker

Now, people say that yours is a lost generation...violent, lazy, uneducated, sexually active!!

Butt-head

Huhuh, not Beavis.

Beavis

Heheh, yeah, Butt-head doesn't get any either.

Gus Baker

Well, you two are certainly fine upstanding young men...a credit to the youth of America!

Butt-head

(looking around at the applauding "dittoheads" in the audience) Hey Beavis, you see any chicks?

Gus Baker

Okay, now, boys, I want to ask you: As decent young men,don't you agree with me that there is something very, very wrong with these so-called "music videos?"

Yeah!! Really!!

Gus Baker

These "rock videos" are immoral! Indecent! Profane! Scurrillous! And blasphemous!

Beavis

Yeah! They suck! THEY SUCK!!! Indecent! Profane!

Butt-head

Yeah, especially Meatloaf. He sucks!

Gus Baker

Hey! We're on the air! You can't use that language!

Beavis

We use language?

Butt-head

(after Gus Baker whispers into his ear) Hey, Beavis, he says we can't say "sucks."

Beavis

Really? That sucks.

Butt-head

Can we say "buttwipe?"

Beavis

Yeah, how about "bunghole"? Bunghole!

Butt-head

What about buttmunch?

Beavis

Yeah heheh, buttmunch. Or dillhole?

Butt-head

Dillweed?

Gus Baker

Hey! Do you use that language at home?

Butt-head

Uhh...yeah!

Beavis

Hey Gus...Peek-a-boo!! (moons the audience)

Gus Baker

(running in front of Beavis) Cut to the commercial! GET THESE LITTLE BASTARDS OUT OF HERE!!!

Butt-head

Uhh...do you use that language at home?

Beavis

Peek-a-boo!! (presumably moons the security guards who pull him and Butt-head off stage)