Whoa! Whoa, he doesn't have any armor on his schlong! It's just wide open! And his testes too!
Boy, he just doesn't care about his weiner.
Yeah yeah. "An evil rises in Mordor, but Post Malone shall not wear any armor on his schlong!"
Circles
[a woman without a mouth is shown]
Whoa, check it out, Butt-head, she doesn't have a mouth!
Yeah. He finally found a chick who can't tell him his music sucks.
Shut up, Butt-head! I kinda like it, you know? He's just kinda lazy. [imitating Post Malone] "A bad guy now... I don't believe it..."
Yeah, he looks lazy.
Yeah, that's cool.
[the mouthless woman is shown with long braided hair]
Whoa! She grew her own noose so she could kill herself, 'cause he sucks.
Shut up, Butt-head. This kicks ass.
[she's seen walking into a river]
"Well, the noose didn't work. I guess I better drown myself."
Shut up, Butt-head! She just needs to go wash her hair for Post Malone. People keep stepping on it.
Cooped Up" feat. Roddy Ricch
[while Post Malone smokes a cigarette while he sings]
Boy, when Post Malone smokes, he smokes... and smokes and smokes.
Yeah, he just smokes the bejesus out of those cigarettes.
When Post Malone smokes a cigarette, that cigarette knows it's been smoked.
If you're a cigarette, and you see Post Malone coming, you can kiss your butt goodbye.
Pretty soon he's gonna have to have one of those throat voice box things where you have a hole in your throat.
Yeah, then he'll probably sound like, you know... well... well he'll probably sound the same. Just like this, yeah. [imitating Post Malone] Mum-a-sum-a-dip-a-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-toilet...
Uh, wait a minute. Maybe he's had one of those all along.
Oh yeah yeah. That's why he's wearing that turtleneck! You know, I used to think smoking was really cool until you get that hole in your throat, but now he's even made that cool!
Yep. He kicks ass. But he also gets tired really fast, and that's why he sounds all lazy when he sings. He's like, "Ugh... my back, ugh... you take it for a minute, Roddy Ricch. I'm exhausted."
"Ugh, just need to sit down and have a cigarette. You know, I've been working real hard smoking, I'm gonna have a little smoke break here."
Yup. The best time to have a cigarette is right after a cigarette.
[as dancers dance around Post Malone and Roddy Ricch] Look at that old guy down at the bottom trying to weasel into the party.
Uh, I think that's, like, his doctor. He's trying to dance his way up to Post Malone to tell him he only has six weeks to live.
He's like, "Yeah yeah yeah, hey everybody, hey Post, can I talk to you for a minute? Yeah yeah yeah, it's kind of important."
Yeah he's like, "Uh, Roddy Ricch, can you tell Post Malone to come over here for a minute?"
"Post! Post, the X-rays don't look good, I need to talk to you right now."
"Well, never mind, he'll find out soon enough."
"Yeah. Nothing we can do anyway."
Insane
[Post Malone is smoking a cigarette and dancing in a very awkward and disorienting way outside a pool]
Take your bitch, give her back, insane, sent her packing, she was acting...
People less sophisticated than ourselves might assume that this is a man stumbling around intoxicated in his own backyard, and should be handed over to the authorities.
Yes, but we know better.
These are sophisticated dance moves with great meaning.
Yes, it will take our scientists many centuries to interpret what he is saying through the language of dance.
Yes yes. The probability of him urinating in his own pants is zero.
A million tracks, I need it cash, cake...
Did you catch that, Smart Butt-head? He's is expressing his earthly desire for fornication and a carton of smokes.
Ah yes, yes indeed.
[his hand is down his pants] ... but it's different...
Oh look at this. He is paying tribute to the god of fertility.
Yes yes, by placing his hand near his Earth penis,I believe this is how they pledge of allegiance.
Yes yes.
The Earth penis is a much less intelligent organ than our space penis.
Yes yes, primitive 16-bit Earth penis, yes yes.
I do not understand what he appears to be doing now. What is the meaning of this, Smart Butt-head?
He's is performing the ancient moves necessary before immersion in the basin of purification.
Ah, yes indeed. Yes, I believe you are correct, Smart Butt-head. Yes.
Humans must reach the exalted state they call "krunk" before immersion into the pool of infinity.
Yes, yes. That pool, like the wisdom of Post Malone is infinite.
Second verse, second verse, yay, second verse...
This is very good, Smart Butt-head.
Yes yes, very good. I do not understand why it was not nominated for the Space Oscars.
Ah, yes. It is a travesty.
Post Malone has become quite wealthy doing this.
Yes yes, it is no wonder the earthlings have made him their king.
What do those words on his face mean?
They mean one thing, Smart Beavis. "Kidnap me, and probe my anus."
Yes, yes.
Perhaps we should lure him into our spacecraft with a forty-ouncer and a pack of cigarettes and take him to our home planet for study.
Yes yes, forty ounces is the optimal volume for malt liquor.
Thirty-two ounce does not get you messed up sufficiently, and fifty-two ounces is too heavy to hold.
Yes yes. Do you think he would mind being probed?
I do not think he would mind, or notice.
Yes yes.
The Power Station, "Get It On (Bang a Gong)
[a woman is dancing behind a flame]
Fire! Fire! Fire!
Check it out, it's Pussy Galore!
That's that chick from that movie about that guy with those numbers.
Yeah. He's got two zeros in his number so that he can kill people. That's cool!
Yeah. James Bong.
You said "bong."
PSPower Station
Get it on, bang a gong...
They said "bong"!
Check it out, a toilet!
Yeah, yeah! M-80 it.
We should have a toilet installed right in front of the TV. That would be cool!
We could put a uriner right next to the TV.
Yeah. That sucks when you have to take a leak, and you gotta, like, leave the room.
Yeah. We can just take a leak right here.
They don't have enough toilets in videos.
Yeah. They need more toilets in videos. That would be cool.
Yeah. Like more of those uriners.
Yeah. Those are cool.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.