Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

These guys should like, get together with the Spin Doctors, and like, paint stuff.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, and throw paint around. Seems like every time a bunch of guys get together and throw paint around, there's always some chicks there.

Butt-head

Yeah. I wonder why.

Beavis

Woah, check it out. I can't believe she's talking to Snoop that way.

Butt-head

Yeah. If that wasn't his mom, he'd be putting the smackdown.

Beavis

Yeah, really.

Beavis

Woah, check it out. He's got a phone on the toilet!

Butt-head

We got to get one of those.

Beavis

Woah, he just touched her boobs!

Butt-head

Yeah. It's a Doggy-Dog World!

Beavis

[to the music] May, I, kick a little something for the G's, yey-ah. [speaking] Ain't nothing but a G thing. I'm a G, I'm a straight G.

Butt-head

Yeah, you're a G for gonad.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head. You might get smoked if you keep that up. Watch yo back, homie.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, did you know I'm from Compton?

Butt-head

Damnit Beavis, shut up. You're not from Compton.

Beavis

No way Butt-head, I'm serious. I was kicking it on the street. It was hard times. I used to drink gin and juice, it was cool.

Butt-head

Beavis, you're a white wussy from right here.

Beavis

No way Butt-head, you don't know, you weren't around then. Yeah, me and Snoop, we used to go to the Compton swap meet together.

Butt-head

Beavis, you used to go to the flea market with your mom.

Beavis

No way Butt-head, see, I wear this shirt because these are my colors.

Butt-head

Beavis...

Beavis

Yep, I'm a straight G.

Butt-head

...shut up.

Beavis

Goin to the Compton swap meet with Snoop. Sometimes I used to kick it with Dre.

Butt-head

Beavis, shut up. You've never been to Compton, you're never gonna go to Compton, you're gonna be here for the rest of your life, you're stupid, you don't have any money and you're never gonna score.

Beavis

[mumbling] Um, heh, oh yeah.

Beavis

These houses look fake, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Of course they do. That's, like, the whole point of college music, to like, make the suburbs look bad.

...such a hairy behemoth, she said...

Beavis

Hey, did you hear that, Butt-head? She said "Harry Behemoth".

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

What does that mean?

Butt-head

You don't know?

Beavis

I think it, maybe, um...it had something to do with stools. Poop!

Butt-head

Damn it, Beavis, shut up! There are these two chicks that kiss in this video, and I don't want you talking about stools!

I kissed a girl.

Beavis

WAAAHHH!!!! BUTT-HEAD, SHE SAID SHE JUST KISSED A GIRL!!!

Butt-head

Damn it Beavis, I know! That's what I was trying to tell you when you were talking about stools.

Beavis

Wow, I'll be damned. Look at that, OHH!! Maybe they'll show it! This is gonna be cool!

Butt-head

[seeing Fabio] Whoa! It's Harry Behemoth!

Beavis

Boy, this is turning out to be pretty good.

Butt-head

You know, when I see two girls kissing, it kinda gives me a special feeling.

Beavis

Yeah, me too. Kinda makes me wanna...make a stool. Poop!

Butt-head

Damn it Beavis, you are messed up!

I kissed a girl.

Beavis

Whoa, she said it again! She said she kissed a girl again! Did you hear that?

Butt-head

You have to do a lot more than that if you wanna be a thespian.

Beavis

I like this part in here after she says she kissed a girl, where it goes "Nyayayayayayayaya!"

Butt-head

If there were two chicks right here, making out, you'd probably just go "WAAAHHHUHHHHHHHHUHHHHHHHH!!!!", and talk about stools and stuff.

Beavis

Yep. Sit back, watch a couple chicks make out and talk about stools.

10, 20, 30, 40...

Beavis

How come she's counting? Counting sucks!

Butt-head

Uh, maybe she's counting how many times she's done it.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Counting rules.

Beavis

Is this Romper Room?

Butt-head

Uh, I wouldn't know, Beavis.

Beavis

Oh yeah, me neither, I don't know. I don't know whether this is Romper Room or not.

Butt-head

Who's that five-year-old girl who keeps bouncing around?

Beavis

Yeah, really. She sure can't dance. Like, what's the snif-gig-ligance of that girl being there?

Butt-head

The what?

Beavis

You know, the sih...um, I forgot.

Beavis

HEY!! GET AWAY FROM HIS WIENER!! GET AWAY!!

Butt-head

Settle down, Beavis. What are you, like, the wiener police or something?

Beavis

Well, how would you like it if some chick tried to touch your wiener? [Butt-head does a double take and laughs] Um, wait a minute.

Butt-head

What???

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head. Shut up!

Butt-head

You dumbass!

Beavis

You just weren't listening. I said, like, you know, like, how would you like it if some girl was touching your wiener? That'd be pretty cool. That's what I meant, dumbass!

Butt-head

Yeah, right.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! I just wasn't concentrating, that's all.