HMr. Herrera
Bueno. Recuerdan por favor, clase, siempre contestan en Español. Bueno? [he walks to the back of the room with a sign that says Juan es Alto] Senor Butt-head, ¿Como es Juan?
HMr. Herrera
No no no, ¿Como es Juan? ¿Como es Juan?
HMr. Herrera
No, no. ¿Senor Beavis, Como es Juan?
HMr. Herrera
Spaghetti? That's Italian, you moron! Dammit! You idiots have been in this class for almost a whole school year, and the only Spanish you know is what you learned at Taco Bell!! ..And Beavis can't even get that right! I'm gonna give you little bastards just ten seconds to come up with a sentence in Spanish, and if you can't, you're both going to the principal's office and you're both flunking. [pause] Well, I'm waiting.
Uuuuh.. [mocks Spanish accent] rendo-pordo-curdoh-nut-a-ben-yubarduhvuh Rico Suave. Huh-huh.
[The class are heard laughing.]
HMr. Herrera
Principal's office, now!
[Gears are turning in his head] Uh, Taco Supreme.
[The class continues laughing.]
HMr. Herrera
Get out! Now!
[Butt-Head is holding a pencil over his crotch depicting an erected penis. He and Beavis are laughing at it. Butt-Head then holds the pencil over his desk and drops it. It hits the desk with the eraser end, causing it to bounce off of the desk. It flies through the air and into Beavis's left eye and Beavis bleeds from his eye, screaming.]
[screaming] AAAAGH!! OWW!!!!!!
Whoa, that was cool, it really does happen.
[Beavis pulls the pencil out of his eye socket and chuckles]
[Beavis and Butt-Head begin to laugh]
Dammit, what's wrong with you two? We've been in school over seven months now, and every single day, when I call Daniel Butkis' name, you guys have to laugh.
[Beavis & Butt-Head laugh some more]
Is it really still that funny?
[Beavis and Butthead laugh]
Doesn't it ever get old? Are you gonna laugh for the rest of your lives every time someone says the name Butkis?
[Beavis and Butthead laugh]
That does it. Principal's office, now!
DMrs. Dickie
Therefore we can say that any two amoeba are identical twins since they have the same genetic makeup. They are all the same sex and can reproduce by themselves. [Beavis and Butt-Head begin to laugh, while Butt-head shakes and throws two dice] So all sperm cells contain either an X chromosome or a Y chromosome, and-
DMrs. Dickie
Depending on which sperm cell fertilizes the egg - I said, depending on which sperm cell fertilizes the egg, the zygote will be either male or female - SHUT UP!!! [Beavis & Butt-Head continue to laugh] McVicker's office, now!
[At McVicker's Office. Beavis and Butt-head are laughing.]
Oh, you guys think this is funny? You've been to four classes today and you've been sent here four times. And this laughing thing...What the hell is with this laughing thing?! All the teachers are sick of it! Mr. Sherman, your history teacher, says he's completely given up on trying to teach your class about the gay 90s. [Beavis and Butt-Head start laughing harder] See? See?! Now that's exactly what I'm talking about! You are both suspended for a week!
[He and Beavis stop laughing temporarily, still grinning] Uhhh... what does that mean?
I-I-It means I-I-I don't want to see you anywhere near this school for a whole week!
Cool! [he and Beavis start to act like they are playing guitars to the riff of 'Paradise City' by Guns n' Roses]
SHUT UP! Forget it. No no, you're not suspended. No, I've got a better idea. Yeah, hah-hah-hah-hah!! I'm gonna get you guys this time. [He takes a bottle of "Old Crow" out from under his desk, Beavis and Butthead start laughing again as McVicker drinks the whiskey]
Soooo, Beavis and Butthead. I understand Mr. McVicker has made a little arrangement with you guys, yeah a little probation. You see, class, Beavis and Butthead here, are not allowed to laugh for a whole week. That's right, and if they do laugh, they'll be expelled and they'll have to go to Hope High School where they'll get their asses kicked on a daily basis by all the other delinquents! Ha ha ha!
[class giggles, except for Beavis and Butthead who struggle to hold their laughter]
Well I was real glad to hear that because this is Sex Education week. That's right, Sex Ed week! [Beavis and Butt-head struggle to hold in their laughter] We're gonna be talking about the PENIS! We'll be talking about the VAGINA! Do you think that's funny, Butthead?! Do you find it amusing that we'll be talking about the testicles?! [Butt-head strans to hold in his laughter] Yes we're also gonna be talking about Venereal Disease. Sexual intercourse! The Scrotum. The Clitoris. And...And we will definitely be spending a LOT of time talking about MASTURBATION! [class giggles; Beavis and Butt-head struggle to hold in their laughter] Well, now that's out of the way, let's take roll. Butkis!
[school bell rings and Beavis and Butt-head dart out of the doors, rapidly laughing]
Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh, huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh...
Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh, heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh...
Note: This is the DVD cut version which was edited to be exactly 6 minutes. In the original version, Buzzcut also says that they will be talking about the "scrotum" and "clitoris," but does not take roll of the names with obvious vulgar connotations. Also, a scene at the end in which Beavis and Butt-head say "They said penis...they said masturbation...they said vagina...that was cool" is not present.
