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A character in Beavis and Butt-Head

Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Played by Mike Judge · 1,862 quotes · page 13 of 125

Smart Beavis

Played by Mike Judge

Beavis and Butt-Head · 2,204 quotes

2nd most-quoted character in Beavis and Butt-Head: in 1,862 of its 2,204 quotes
Most scenes with: Smart Butt-head (1,714), Butthead (21), Coach Buzzcut (15)

Scenes with Smart Beavis 1,794

Star pupils? My ass! These two are morons!

WEWilson Elementary Principal

You just weren't reaching them. They've learned everything they're going to learn in elementary school. Their young minds need room to grow, so we graduated them early. And they're not coming back.

[Principal walks off]

Butt-head [to McVicker]: You just weren't reaching us, dude.

Beavis

Yeah, and if you try reaching for us, I'll kick you in the nads!

Oh, for crying out loud!

[McVicker walks back into the school, followed by Beavis and Butt-head]

S5 E1 Held Back

[Beavis and Butt-head are in the 8th grade. A young Quinn Morgendorffer(in a different hairstyle and clothes than in Daria) is paying attention. Butt-head touches her arm.]

So, have you ever like been with an older man?(laughs)

QQuinn

(creeped out by Butt-head) Leave me alone, you loser.

Beavis

[laughs] Loser.

(I don't think that's Quinn, but I'll grant that she looks similar.)

S5 E1 Held Back

Beavis

Hey Butt-head. I think I might throw up.

Cool. That might like, take some time.

Beavis

[leans over and gags, then coughs] ...I can't do it.

[gags as well] Uh...me neither. And there's like, an hour and a lot of minutes before something cool's on TV. Time sucks.

S5 E2 Killing Time

[holding an empty garbage can] Now remember the rules, Beavis. I throw it at you, then you throw it at me.

Beavis

Um, I don't get it. How do you win? [is hit in the head with the can, and falls over]

[laughs] That was cool.

S5 E2 Killing Time

Beavis

What do we do now?

Uh...we could do homework.

[both laugh]

S5 E2 Killing Time

Hey guys, what are you doing?

Beavis

Hey Butt-head. Stewart can like, kill some time.

Uh, yeah. Say something, Stewart.

Really? You wanna talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Let's go to the mall, I know this great new place-

[interrupting] This sucks.

Beavis

Yeah.

[both get up and leave]

S5 E2 Killing Time

WOWoman on TV

Oh Steve, my career as a leading molecular biologist seems so far away.

MMan

Yea, but I'm not.

WWoman

Damn you're smooth. oooooohhhhh!

Whoa! We gotta get us one of those!

Beavis

What, a testicular biologist?

No dumbass, a beard. We don't score because chicks don't think we're manly enough.

S5 E3 Beard Boys

You know what they say Beavis, when you walk the walk you gotta...uhhh, talk too.

Beavis

What's that mean?

It means we gotta hit on the chicks, assmunch. Otherwise they'll just think we're like, all looks. Check out those chicks over there!

Beavis

Hey baby--

Hey baby-- Check out our beards.

Beavis

Damn, we're smooth.

GGirl

We're gonna call the cops if y'all don't leave us alone.

That sucked.

Beavis

Yeah.

S5 E3 Beard Boys

[choking] Beavis?

Beavis

Yea Butt-Head?

I'm..[gasps]..I'm.. [gasps again] I'm

Beavis

Agh, I hate this stupid game. [Butt-Head grabs Beavis's throat] AGH AHG!. Uhh choking, your choking?

Butt-Head knods and points to the box of chicken nuggets on the couch.

S5 E4 Choke

[choking] Beavis! Beavis! I'm choking!

Beavis

Yeah, so. What do you want me to do about it?

Call 911!

Beavis

Why don't you call? You're closer.

You're closer, dumb-ass.

Beavis

Oh, yeah.

S5 E4 Choke

9O911 Operator

Is there an emergency, sir?

Beavis

Butt-head's like, choking. Heh heh, on chicken.

9O911 Operator

Have you performed the Heimlich?

Beavis

Uhm, is this like, one of those 976 numbers? Heh, what are you wearing?

9O911 Operator

I repeat, have you heimliched the victim?

Beavis

Have I licked his rectum? Heh, No way! But uh, one time me and Butt-head were playing truth or dare, and uh...

9O911 Operator

Sir, please. If you want to save your friend's life, you need to perform the Heimlich Maneuver.

Beavis

[looks down at Butt-head's butt] Uhm...heh, he's not really my friend.

S5 E4 Choke

BSBoy's playing basketball

(to a boy taking a foul shot) CHOKE, CHOKE, CHOKE, CHOKE, CHOKE,CHOKE

Beavis

(joining in) Yea, Yea, CHOKE!, CHOKE!!! (remeberring Butt-Head is choking) Uhh... nachos, yea nachos.

S5 E4 Choke

[choking] Beavis?

Beavis

Yeah, Butt-head?

I'm…[gasps]…I'm…[gasps again]…I'm…

Beavis

Agh, I hate this stupid game. [Butt-head grabs Beavis's throat] Agh ahg! Uhh, choking, your choking? [Butt-head knods, points to the box of chicken nuggets on the couch] Uh, chicken? Your choking your chicken? [Butt-head nods] So what do you want me to do about it?

S5 E4 Choke

BPBoys playing basketball

[to a boy taking a foul shot] Choke! Choke! Choke! Choke! Choke! Choke!

Beavis

[joining in] Yeah, yeah, choke! Choke!! [remembering Butt-head is choking] Uhh…nachos, yeah, nachos.

S5 E4 Choke

P1Police Officer #1

We're looking for a person named Todd.

Beavis

Uh, he's not here. Uh huh huh.

P1Police Officer #1

That's not what I heard from.

Uh, sirs. I'm afraid I have to kick your ass. Huh huh.

Beavis

And I will kick you in the nads.

[The police officers drag the boys out of the door and arrested them]

S5 E5 Safe House

More Beavis and Butt-Head characters

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Coach BuzzcutMike Judge · 24 quotes

David Van DriessenMike Judge · 16 quotes TITodd IanuzziRottilio Michieli · 15 quotes

Principal McVickerMike Judge · 14 quotes

Tom AndersonMike Judge · 14 quotes SSStewart StevensonAdam Welsh · 13 quotes

Mr. AndersonMike Judge · 10 quotes

Daria MorgendorfferTracy Grandstaff · 8 quotes CCornholio6 quotes

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