Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

You know, I would love to have a girl this mad at me, because that means that I scored with her before, you know?

Butt-head

Yeah. No girl will ever be this pissed off about you, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah... no one's ever gonna burn down my house. I guess I'll just have to do it myself.

Butt-head

You'll die alone.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Is this Predator?

Beavis

Um, I think this is Mortal Kombat. Yeah, yeah! They're gonna pull that guy's spine out! YAAAAHHHHH! AAAAHHHH!

Butt-head

Yeah!

Butt-head

Maybe these are, like, those Desert Storm goggles.

Beavis

Yeah. That was cool. The mother of all wars has begun! YAAAAAAAOOOOOOWWWWWWWW! Incoming scud!

Butt-head

You're pretty cool sometimes, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah. Yeah. Thanks.

Beavis

Hey, Butt-head. Remember when we saw that thing on TV about that dude in this band who, like, married that chick?

Butt-head

Oh yeah! He married his son's daughter, and then it's, like, his son married his mom.

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah. And so like, so like, the uh, like - like - like, his son was like, uh, a dork.

Butt-head

So like, his own son was, like, his stepdad.

Beavis

And then like, his mom was actually, um, uh, a slut.

Butt-head

Yeah! She's a slut! And then it turned out that that dude was only 16.

Beavis

Yeah.

Beavis

Whoa, hey Butt-head, check it out, it's the liar! "Liar, Liar, I'll rip your guts out! I'll kick your ass! Liar!"

Butt-head

Shut up! Those aren't the words.

Beavis

WHOA, WHORES! Check it out, Butt-head! Whores!

Butt-head

Yeah! Whores rule.

Butt-head

That would suck to be a cab driver.

Beavis

Um, no wait, Butt-head, I think it'd be pretty cool. I'd be a good cab driver, I'd be, like, "Where are you going today, ma'am? Okay. How do you get there?"

Butt-head

You would suck, Beavis. You sounded like a stupid dork. You're never gonna be able to do anything.

Beavis

That would be cool.

Beavis

Check out this part, Butt-head. "Excuse me, hey. Hey, excuse me, pardon me. Hey! Hey, dammit! Hey! Hey, watch it! Dammit! Dammit! Man!"

Butt-head

Beavis, just shut up.

Beavis

Um...um, okay. Yeah.

Butt-head

Dammit. Just when you think something cool's about to happen, he starts showing off how strong he is.

Beavis

Butt-head, I don't want to hear you complaining on this video. This is about the only cool thing we've seen in a long time.

Butt-head

Beavis, don't ever take that tone with me.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah.

Butt-head

This dude used to be the lead singer for Van Halen. They got that video, "Right Now."

Beavis

Yeah. That's that video with all those words on the screen.

Butt-head

Yeah. Like, "Right now, David wishes he had his old job back."

Beavis

Yeah. Like, "Right now, David is planning to kill Sammy Hagar."

Butt-head

"Right now, David is trying to convince some chick that he used to be the lead singer for Van Halen."

Beavis

Yeah. Yeah.

Butt-head

This dude dances like John Cougar Mallomar.

Beavis

Yeah. But he doesn't suck as much.

Butt-head

Yeah. John Cougar Melon Balls really sucks!

Beavis

Yeah. John Cougar Military Camp.

Butt-head

The one cool thing about this dude is that he always has chicks with big thingies in his videos.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Butt-head

Whoa! That guitar is cool!

Beavis

Yeah. It's shaped like one of those things.

Butt-head

Yeah. Like that tattoo on your mom's butt.

Beavis

No, that one's on her shoulder. She's got a battleship on her butt.

Butt-head

Oh yeah.

Beavis

[mocking David Lee Roth's long hair] And remember, I'm not only the Hair Club president, I'm also a member!

Butt-head

You said "member." That was cool.

Butt-head

Uh...who the Hell is this?

Beavis

Um...um...um...

Butt-head

Uh, this guy sorta sounds familiar.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. He kinda looks familiar, too. Um...umm...is this Adam Curry?

Butt-head

No. Uh, is it Sting?

Beavis

No, that's not Sting, that's umm...uh, oh, I know, that's Miss Romano from, um, from, uh, uh, One Day at a Time!

Butt-head

No it's not! I think it's David Lee Roth?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah right. Um...maybe it's, umm--

Butt-head

Beavis, I think this is David Lee Roth. Oh my God!

Beavis

Oh! Yeah, yeah, it's him! Where are all the chicks?

Butt-head

I don't know. It's like, something's wrong with him.

Beavis

Yeah. I'm concerned about him.

Butt-head

This is a def jam. These guys are def.

Beavis

Whoa! You mean they can't hear?

Butt-head

No, Beavis!