Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis. Are you down with the king?

Beavis

Are they talking about, like, Don King?

Butt-head

No, dumbass, he was talking about Burger King.

Beavis

Yeah.

...since kindergarten, I acquired the knowledge, and after 12th grade, I went straight to college.

Butt-head

Whoa! College sucks!

Beavis

Yeah. I don't like knowledge, either.

Beavis

This chick is hot.

Butt-head

Oh yeah? Would you make out with her?

Beavis

Yeah! I'd be all over it!

Butt-head

Really? That's a guy, Beavis.

Beavis

No way!

Butt-head

You want to make out with a dude!

Butt-head

He's got a nice butt, huh, Beavis?

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Butt-head

Ooh! He's sexy, huh, Beavis?

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Beavis

Whoa, is that Jesus? Is that our Lord Jesus Christ?

Butt-head

Uh, no, I think it's Lenny Kravitz.

Beavis

Umm...no, I think it's... [disappointed] oh, it's Rush. Oh, God.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

[imitating the Rush song "The Spirit of Radio"] Invisible airwaves crackle with life! Bright antennae bristle with the energy! Um, this guitar sounds kinda cool, though.

Butt-head

Yeah. If you happen to be a wuss.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

A dude with dreadlocks and tattoos strapped to a chair. That's a good idea for a video.

Beavis

Um, didn't they do that before?

Butt-head

Yeah, but like, this guy's on a pole.

Beavis

O - oh yeah, yeah. No, wait a minute, Butt-head! I think they already did that, too, I saw a dude, like, strapped to a chair up on, you know, like, on a pole.

Butt-head

Yeah, but he didn't have dreadlocks.

Beavis

Um...umm, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. He had tattoos, though. That's what I was thinking.

Butt-head

Yeah, it's like, they've had dudes with dreadlocks strapped to a chair on a pole...

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

...but they didn't have a tattoo.

Beavis

M hm.

Butt-head

And it's like, they had dudes with tattoos tied to a chair...

Beavis

Yep.

Butt-head

...but like, they weren't on a pole...

Beavis

Yep.

Butt-head

...and they didn't have dreadlocks.

Beavis

Yeah, I remember that. Yep.

Butt-head

So this is, like, you know, all original and stuff.

Beavis

Yeah, that's right. That's right. M hm. [chuckling] Pole.

Butt-head

Yeah. Pole.

Beavis

I think I saw Lenny Kravitz tied to a cross once, too.

Butt-head

No, Beavis, that was Jesus!

Beavis

Oh, oh yeah, yeah. You're right.

Beavis

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! STEP ON HIM! Kick him in the nads! KICK HIM!

Butt-head

Yeah! Funk dat!

Beavis

Funk dat, funk dat!

Butt-head

I like chicks with leather jackets.

Beavis

Yeah! Me too!

Push it good!

Beavis

Push what?

Butt-head

Push that little button on the remote.

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

[chortling] ...white people.

Beavis

This is like a boy band, but with just one person.

Butt-head

Yeah. And he actually is a boy.

Beavis

Yeah, he looks like he's 11. Yeah, check this out, Butt-head. Yeah, I mean this is kid, he's young you know, when he says, "Hey you wanna come back to my crib?" He means an actual crib! You know what I'm saying? He's young, so...

Butt-head

You're in rare form today, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah yeah yeah, I don't wanna say he's young, but you know, this chick thinks he's got wood, but it's just his diaper's full. He's young, this kid! Hey-ooo!

Butt-head

Uhh... isn't it like illegal for a girl her age to be with a kid his age?

Beavis

Yeah yeah, really.

Butt-head

He's a victim. [cackles]

... nothing between us, but chapstick...

Beavis

"Nothing between us, but chapstick?" What's that even mean?

Butt-head

Well I'll tell you one thing that's not between him... pubic hair.

Beavis

Come on, Butt-head, that's kinda mean.

Butt-head

Uh, I don't care! He's rich, and he gets to score when he's 11? He'll be just fine.

Butt-head

Look at these special effects.

Beavis

These special effects suck.

Butt-head

Do you have to spit when you talk, Beavis?

Beavis

Yeah. I always try to hock a loogie when I talk.

Butt-head

You just spit in my eye, assmunch.

Beavis

Yeah! Yeah.

Butt-head

[about singer Patty Smyth] Is this Pat Nebatar?

Beavis

Yeah. She's that chick that had sexual intercourse with Dan Henley.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Goodbye to you.

Butt-head

Goodbye to glue.

Beavis

Yeah.

Goodbye to you...

Beavis

[high-pitched voice] GOODBYE TO POO-OOOO!

Butt-head

Goodbye to poo!

Beavis

Yeah!