Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Whoa! Is that Little Wayne?

Butt-head

Yeah. He's like, "I was just back in the teacher's lounge grading papers. What's going on out here?" I wish our guidance counselor was as cool as Little Wayne.

Beavis

Yeah, he'd be like "Have you considered stackin' papers and gettin' paid? You know what I'm sayin'?"

Butt-head

"Have you thought about face tattoos and sipping sizzurp?"

Beavis

So um, how did this chick get Little Wayne to be in her video?

Butt-head

Uh, maybe it was like part of his community service?

Beavis

Oh, yeah yeah. It was probably like, either that or pick up trash.

Butt-head

Yeah. And he did pick up trash.

Butt-head

What's with all these squares?

Beavis

Orange squares suck.

Butt-head

If I wanted to learn about geometry, I'd go to school.

Beavis

Geometry's not about squares. It's about triangles and stuff.

Butt-head

I meant advanced geometry.

Beavis

These guys sure got wimpy.

Butt-head

Shut up, fartknocker! These guys are cool!

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

"Jesus Christ of the Lord, God on High, thank you for making me Post Malone."

Beavis

"Thank you for making me rich, and have lots of chicks too. Amen."

Beavis

Whoa! Whoa, he doesn't have any armor on his schlong! It's just wide open! And his testes too!

Butt-head

Boy, he just doesn't care about his weiner.

Beavis

Yeah yeah. "An evil rises in Mordor, but Post Malone shall not wear any armor on his schlong!"

Beavis

Whoa, check it out, Butt-head, she doesn't have a mouth!

Butt-head

Yeah. He finally found a chick who can't tell him his music sucks.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! I kinda like it, you know? He's just kinda lazy. [imitating Post Malone] "A bad guy now... I don't believe it..."

Butt-head

Yeah, he looks lazy.

Beavis

Yeah, that's cool.

Butt-head

Whoa! She grew her own noose so she could kill herself, 'cause he sucks.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head. This kicks ass.

Butt-head

"Well, the noose didn't work. I guess I better drown myself."

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! She just needs to go wash her hair for Post Malone. People keep stepping on it.

Butt-head

Boy, when Post Malone smokes, he smokes... and smokes and smokes.

Beavis

Yeah, he just smokes the bejesus out of those cigarettes.

Butt-head

When Post Malone smokes a cigarette, that cigarette knows it's been smoked.

Beavis

If you're a cigarette, and you see Post Malone coming, you can kiss your butt goodbye.

Butt-head

Pretty soon he's gonna have to have one of those throat voice box things where you have a hole in your throat.

Beavis

Yeah, then he'll probably sound like, you know... well... well he'll probably sound the same. Just like this, yeah. [imitating Post Malone] Mum-a-sum-a-dip-a-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-toilet...

Butt-head

Uh, wait a minute. Maybe he's had one of those all along.

Beavis

Oh yeah yeah. That's why he's wearing that turtleneck! You know, I used to think smoking was really cool until you get that hole in your throat, but now he's even made that cool!

Butt-head

Yep. He kicks ass. But he also gets tired really fast, and that's why he sounds all lazy when he sings. He's like, "Ugh... my back, ugh... you take it for a minute, Roddy Ricch. I'm exhausted."

Beavis

"Ugh, just need to sit down and have a cigarette. You know, I've been working real hard smoking, I'm gonna have a little smoke break here."

Butt-head

Yup. The best time to have a cigarette is right after a cigarette.

Beavis

[as dancers dance around Post Malone and Roddy Ricch] Look at that old guy down at the bottom trying to weasel into the party.

Butt-head

Uh, I think that's, like, his doctor. He's trying to dance his way up to Post Malone to tell him he only has six weeks to live.

Beavis

He's like, "Yeah yeah yeah, hey everybody, hey Post, can I talk to you for a minute? Yeah yeah yeah, it's kind of important."

Butt-head

Yeah he's like, "Uh, Roddy Ricch, can you tell Post Malone to come over here for a minute?"

Beavis

"Post! Post, the X-rays don't look good, I need to talk to you right now."

Butt-head

"Well, never mind, he'll find out soon enough."

Beavis

"Yeah. Nothing we can do anyway."

Take your bitch, give her back, insane, sent her packing, she was acting...

Smart Butt-head

People less sophisticated than ourselves might assume that this is a man stumbling around intoxicated in his own backyard, and should be handed over to the authorities.

Smart Beavis

Yes, but we know better.

Smart Butt-head

These are sophisticated dance moves with great meaning.

Smart Beavis

Yes, it will take our scientists many centuries to interpret what he is saying through the language of dance.

Smart Butt-head

Yes yes. The probability of him urinating in his own pants is zero.

A million tracks, I need it cash, cake...

Smart Beavis

Did you catch that, Smart Butt-head? He's is expressing his earthly desire for fornication and a carton of smokes.

Smart Butt-head

Ah yes, yes indeed.

[his hand is down his pants] ... but it's different...

Smart Beavis

Oh look at this. He is paying tribute to the god of fertility.

Smart Butt-head

Yes yes, by placing his hand near his Earth penis,I believe this is how they pledge of allegiance.

Smart Beavis

Yes yes.

Smart Butt-head

The Earth penis is a much less intelligent organ than our space penis.

Smart Beavis

Yes yes, primitive 16-bit Earth penis, yes yes.

Smart Beavis

I do not understand what he appears to be doing now. What is the meaning of this, Smart Butt-head?

Smart Butt-head

He's is performing the ancient moves necessary before immersion in the basin of purification.

Smart Beavis

Ah, yes indeed. Yes, I believe you are correct, Smart Butt-head. Yes.

Smart Butt-head

Humans must reach the exalted state they call "krunk" before immersion into the pool of infinity.

Smart Beavis

Yes, yes. That pool, like the wisdom of Post Malone is infinite.

Second verse, second verse, yay, second verse...

Smart Beavis

This is very good, Smart Butt-head.

Smart Butt-head

Yes yes, very good. I do not understand why it was not nominated for the Space Oscars.

Smart Beavis

Ah, yes. It is a travesty.

Smart Butt-head

Post Malone has become quite wealthy doing this.

Smart Beavis

Yes yes, it is no wonder the earthlings have made him their king.