Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Smart Beavis

What do those words on his face mean?

Smart Butt-head

They mean one thing, Smart Beavis. "Kidnap me, and probe my anus."

Smart Beavis

Yes, yes.

Smart Butt-head

Perhaps we should lure him into our spacecraft with a forty-ouncer and a pack of cigarettes and take him to our home planet for study.

Smart Beavis

Yes yes, forty ounces is the optimal volume for malt liquor.

Smart Butt-head

Thirty-two ounce does not get you messed up sufficiently, and fifty-two ounces is too heavy to hold.

Smart Beavis

Yes yes. Do you think he would mind being probed?

Smart Butt-head

I do not think he would mind, or notice.

Smart Beavis

Yes yes.

Beavis

Check it out, it's Pussy Galore!

Butt-head

That's that chick from that movie about that guy with those numbers.

Beavis

Yeah. He's got two zeros in his number so that he can kill people. That's cool!

Butt-head

Yeah. James Bong.

Beavis

You said "bong."

Get it on, bang a gong...

Butt-head

They said "bong"!

Butt-head

Check it out, a toilet!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! M-80 it.

Butt-head

We should have a toilet installed right in front of the TV. That would be cool!

Beavis

We could put a uriner right next to the TV.

Butt-head

Yeah. That sucks when you have to take a leak, and you gotta, like, leave the room.

Beavis

Yeah. We can just take a leak right here.

Butt-head

They don't have enough toilets in videos.

Beavis

Yeah. They need more toilets in videos. That would be cool.

Butt-head

Yeah. Like more of those uriners.

Beavis

Yeah. Those are cool.

Beavis

Spit! Cool!

Butt-head

That's cool!

Beavis

Yeah!

Butt-head

Whoa! Fat people!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. They don't have enough fat people in videos.

Butt-head

Yeah. And more spit in videos. Like, people hocking loogies.

Beavis

Yeah. Yeah. More spit, and more fat people.

Butt-head

Yeah. Fat people are cool!

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Whoa! They're cracking concrete!

Beavis

Um, [nonchalantly] you said "crack."

Butt-head

I think this video is, like, a tribute to turds.

Beavis

Yeah, it's about time. I've been meaning to do a tribute to my own turds. It's called "Poop: A Retrospective."

Butt-head

You know who I'd like to see roll around in a bunch of feces?

Beavis

Um...

Butt-head

Hootie & the Blowfish!

Beavis

Oh yeah. That would be cool. It'd be like, "With a little love, poop! And a little tenderness! Plop, plop!"

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

"Plop, plop, plop!"

Butt-head

That would rule!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! And I think it would really go with the music really well, too.

Beavis

Hey hey, did you see the faucet, Butt-head?

Butt-head

Yeah. And you know, wherever there's a faucet, there's probably a toilet close by.

Beavis

Oh yeah. And wherever there's toilets, there's like, butts, and wieners, and turds, and uh, wee-wee! Yeah!

Butt-head

Yeah. A little something for everyone.

Butt-head

This dude must use the same shampoo as me.

Beavis

Umm...uh...you don't use shampoo, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Uhh...oh yeah.

Beavis

Yeah.

Beavis

Hey, Butt-head. Is this that band, Schlong?

Butt-head

No, dumbass! It's Prong!

Beavis

Oh. Oh. Well...I wasn't that far off. Butthole.

Butt-head

She's beating her carpet.

Beavis

Yeah. We should do that.

Butt-head

It looks cool.

I could be wrong, I could be right, I could be black, I could be white...

Butt-head

You're white.

I could be wrong...

Butt-head

You're wrong.

Beavis

Yeah. He's all wrong. And his hair is orange.

Beavis

The mucous membranes are the part of your brain that makes you, like, remember mucus. So like, if you have 'em removed, you'll just forget to blow your nose all the time.

Butt-head

That would be pretty cool! Let's go get the pliers and remove our mucous membranes.

Butt-head

I hate words.

Beavis

Yeah. Words suck.

Butt-head

If I wanted to read, I'd go to school.