Bauer's right. It's full of holes. Look! According to this police report, they saw this girl, this Bettina, near the street where she lives. The patrol car spotted her, noticed she was in distress, but she ran away. They followed her on foot and caught up with her.
OzSo what exactly is the point?
Look, she ran away, right? She didn't report it. She didn't go to the police or register a complaint or whatever they call it.
Right. so when she sees the law, does a runner.
Hmmm... but see, the prosecution might argue that the girl evaded the police because she didn't want the aggro, like. Oz, you see, most rape cases, they don't get reported, you know, because the victim don't want the stigma.
Oz
Oh, aye?
Yeah, fair enough, Barry, fair enough. But the other alternative is, she was, er... trying to protect somebody.
The bloke she was with in the bar.
There were shaggy-haired louts round her.
Ah! Nev's right. There was, there was one bloke in particular, right. She was having a right ding-dong with him, right? He looked very beady when Nev went off with her.
[Turns to Neville] Ah, that's why she tried to pull you, then. To get up the other geezer's nose.
You mean it weren't Nev's irresistible charm? [Oz and Bomber chuckle]
HHelmut
Well... listen, I get friends. We find these... who you look for.
Oz
[Gets up] That's more like it! Let's find the bastards and give 'em a good...
Oz
Aye, I think so!
[Stands up in front of Oz] Pipe down, prannet! [Oz sits back down again.]
HHelmut
We know the bars, speak language. Ask questions.
You need someone to identify them.
[Gets up] You and me go, Bomb. We'll know them.
Right, by Jove. [He, Barry and Helmut leave the hut]
I'll make some coffee. [Gets up.]
[To Bomber, Barry and Helmut] Good luck, lads!
I'm going for a shower. Fancy a couple of jars later, Nev?
Right. You're on, Wayne. [Wayne leaves. Neville turns to Dennis] A thing like this really lets you know who your friends are, eh?
You're right there, it does that. Listen, er... there's something I've got to tell you.
Oz
[Gets up again] Look, I'd better get over the bar as well. I'll see you later, lads! [Oz makes a hasty exit.]
Brenda. She's coming over.
You didn't ring on Monday, yer see. She panicked, she rang the site... Oz was passing, like.
[Gets up, annoyed.] Oz! I might have bloody known!
Look, it wasn't entirely Oz's fault, Neville! Yer know, I mean, he was caught on the spot. I mean, he couldn't explain why you weren't available without her thinking you were ill or something. Anyway, I rang her straight back. But she was adamant. Anyway, she missed today's flight, but she'll be over first thing in the morning.
They should've kept me inside.
Hey, you're some swimmer, aren't ya?
At school I was even better. I won many prizes.
Did you win a prize for English too?
Just as well, isn'it? Otherwise we wouldn't have much to say to each other.
Ja? I'll just need to teach you German.
Oh ey, I might have to be 'round a long time for that!
[Running down the side of the pool to Dennis] How, Den!
Oz seen you leaving with your towel, so we worked it out.
Oz
[Resurfaces, spitting out some water] How, Dennis! [Swims up to Dennis, swallowing more pool water as he goes. He notices Dagmar at the other side of the pool] Hey, isn't that the tart from the office?
[Covering his tracks] Aye, apparently she, er... comes here a lot, like, yer kna. I just, er... bumped into her. Just a coincidence, like.
Oz
[To Neville] Howay, then, get yerself in, Nev, man. It's lovely! [Neville dives in]
Aye, it's a great idea, this, Den!
Oz
Well I can't understand why you never told wor you were coming. [To Neville] Give you a race.
Right! [Neville and Oz swim off. Dennis signals to Dagmar that he'll ring her. Dagmar reciprocates and swims off.]
Oz
Sssh. Quiet, son. Big score coming up 'ere.
Oz
Sssh. Whoa, man. [Points to the high score] I'm nearly on five and a half million, man!
...They've just pulled two Swedish air hostesses.
Oz
[Shocked, he stops playing] Air hostesses?! [The ball goes out of play, and it's game over for Oz.]
Oz
[Kicks one of the legs of the pinball table] 'Ere, might as well get a beer. D'ya want one?
Aye. I mean, I can understand Wayne, but Barry? [They go to the bar]
Oz
Two bottles of pils here, Adolph. Jammy Arabs. How did they manage that?
Well, they haven't exactly nailed 'em yet, but they know they're stopping at the Inter-Continental so they're goin' round there on the off-chance.
Oz
Ahh, well that's hardly guaranteed, is it?
Suppose not. Aye, they'll probably hang round in the bar there all night for nowt, then come back and spin some extravagant tale for our benefit.
Oz
Aye, aye. That's them. [They have a drink.] Hang on a minute... So you reckon they'll just be sittin' in the bar on the off-chance, hangin' around waitin'?
Oz
Right, let's get them. [Goes to the payphone]
Oz
Set them up.
Oz
Well... A stroke I pulled at a hotel in Sheffield one time. It was the night before Newcastle played Burnley in the semis. Hey, what a game that was, kidda. Supermac scored twice, and on the way back we smashed this Little Chef up on the A1 at Wetherby...
[Interrupting Oz's train of thought] Aye, never mind that, man. What was the stunt?
Oz
Oh, aye. Right, follow me. [Heads for the payphone again, burping as he does.]
What are we gonna do, then? Just, er... just sit here all night on the off-chance, or what?
Just bide your time. I'll think of something.
WWaiter
[Brings them a couple of beers] You are residents, sir?
Yeah, er... but I'll pay cash. [Hands the waiter some money] And keepen ze changen. [The waiter leaves a receipt and leaves.]
What did you say that for? We're not staying 'ere.
Yeah, but we could be if things work out.
No, we don't look like residents, especially with your haircut and earring.
Well, they'll think we're roadies.
Leave it out, will ya? Have a drink.
Oz
Hello? Yep. Inter-Continental? Yes, hello, yes. Can you get a message, please, to Mr. Wayne Norris? Yeah, Herr Norris. Yes, he'll be in the bar. ...Yes, and the message is, that, er... he's expected immediately... yeah, immediately, in Room 612. Yes, that's it. Danke schön! [Puts the phone down. They laugh] That'll wind 'em up!
Good morning, Dennis. And where have you been, eh? [Dennis walks past, staring angrily at Wayne and Barry] Or maybe we shouldn't ask.
Aye. Maybe you shouldn't. Not that it'd make any difference, like. I mean, news spreads faster than the plague around here.
What's the problem, like?
[Points to Wayne and Barry] Well, ask Abbott and Costello here.
Come on, Den. We was all after the same thing last night, weren't we? I'd say you were a bit more successful than what we was, eh?
Yeah. Look at my ankle. It's all puffed up.
[Whacks Barry's ankle. Barry winces in pain.] I know all about you two, man! I spent an hour in the manager's office explaining who me guests were.
Oh dear. D'you mean there... d'you mean there were repercussions?
Aye, you could say that, Barry. I mean, it was you two who terrorised some innocent couple, wasn'it?
You didn't finger us, did you?
No, no. Said you were two blokes I'd met in the bar. [Points his finger in Wayne's face] But in future, you just stay out my life, right? [Grabs his washbag and towel, and leaves for the bathroom cabin.]
Is there something you two haven't told me?
Oz
Howay, Moxey, man! [Kicks the cubicle door] Hurry yersel' up! The amount of time you spend in there I'm surprised you don't move in!
Hey, I'm not doin' this for pleasure y'know, Oz. It's the bloody sauerkraut! [Dennis enters the cabin]
Oz
How, Den.
Is somebody in there? [Kicks the cubicle door]
Oz
Aye. Moxey. Put yer name doon for about Tuesday.
I've gotta get out of here, man.
Oz
[At the urinal] What's the matter, like?
Well those two pricks, man, Barry and Wayne, totally destroyed my weekend!
Oz
Aye, well, I didn't do their weekend much good, me, like.
Oz
Well, I'll tell yer all aboot it. This'll cheer ya up...
[Furiously] DID WHAT?! [Chases Oz out of the cabin]
Oz
[Running away] Dennis, what's got into you, man? [Runs away while Dennis gives chase. The toilet flushes and Moxey steps out of the cabin.]
[Calling out] It's f-free now!
VVandal
[Checking the coast is clear] Okay. Jemand da, fangen wir an? (Okay, the coast is clear. Shall we begin?) [The vandals enter the site with red paint and brushes.] Wir müssen uns beeilen. (We need to hurry.) [They get to work painting on one of the walls being built.]
Oz
No, no. That's it for me. I'm going. [Pays up.]
Where are your, er... friends?
Oz
Friends?! Ha! I've got no friends, me, man.
[Gives Oz his change] You are very er... [Notices Oz's clothing] ...tonight?
Oz
Oh, aye. This? It's me best suit. Ha. All dressed up and nowhere to go, eh? Well, that's it. I'll see yer. [Turns to leave.]
Oz
Donkey shite. [Exits the bar]
VVandal
Was ist denn das? Das sieht aus wie ein Picasso. (What's that? It looks like a Picasso.)
Oz
[Returns to the site. He sees the shadows of the vandals and goes to investigate. He runs along the crane sleepers and spots them.] Hey! What do yer think you're doin'?
VVandal
Los! Weg! (Come on! Let's go!) [They run, ducking under the billboard and leave through a gap in the fence. One drops his tin of paint.]
Oz
[In pursuit] I'll knock yer bloody 'eads off! Come 'ere! [He trips over the paint tin and falls, his best suite ending up covered in red paint] Oh, bollocks!
'Ere, Den. Grunwald's looking for you. [To the barman] Bier, bitte.
Grunwald? What's he want?
Well, you know that nutter Magowan?
Aye, he's a bit of a bloody headcase, he is, in't he?
Ahh, well apparently, he had a bit of tiff in a bar last night.
I suppose "fracas" is a better word, really. Anyway, he put some Eric in hospital, and he's in the nick.
Doesn't surprise me. He's a nutter!
Well, what's that got to do wi' me?
Well he must have given his employer's name, who rang Grunwald, who came down 'ere to tell us that it's our responsibility to bail him out.
'Cos he's a Brit. Says the behaviour of the Brits is none of his business.
Well, it's none of my business either, is it, eh? He lives in the hostel, doesn't he, eh? He's not in our hut. Let 'im stop in the nick!
He's still a Brit though, ain't he, Den? And Grunwald sees you as top man, don't he?
Ahh, bloody hell, man! I'm not accountable for every mad man in Germany just 'cos they're British!
Oz
Ah, he is a bit of a hooligan, him, like.
Best place for him, innit? Bloke like that in the nick?
Trouble is... Grunwald reckons if we can't take care of our own, we can all ship out.
That's not fair! It's nowt to do with us!
I'm just tellin' you what he said.
But... you mean it's him or us?
Yep. Either we look after it, or we can get the next boat home.
Oz
Howay, Mac! Heard you had a bit of bother the other night.
I wasn't lookin' for any trouble.
Oz
Nah, nah, that's usually case, isn'it? Er... d'yer wanna drink?
Yeah, I'll have a schnapps there.
Oz
Schnapps, eh? [To barman] Two. Two schnapps here. [Magowan picks up a schnapps already on the bar and drinks it] So, er... when are you up in front of the beak, then?
Oz
Well, probably be a fine, yer kna, or you'll get bound o'er or something.
You never know where you are with these Erics, you know. They're gonna stuff it to me, you know that, bein' a Brit, like, you know. They've thrown me out the hostel.
Oz
Have they?
They're just waitin' for their chance. They're very, very vindictive, [Looks aggresively at another drinker down the bar.] your average Eric.
Oz
Well, no. Let's... let's be fair. I mean, you can't really blame the Germans, can yer? I mean, live and let live. That's what I always say! I mean, yer average German's all reet. I mean, compared to a Turk, aye. [The barman looks on disapprovingly]
It was the Germans started that fight the other night. They provoked me.
Oz
Well... that's probably disputable, isn'it?
Hey, whose side are you on, then?
Oz
[Has a sip of his schnapps and coughs] Nobody's. No... I'm just sayin', I mean, it's not the first time it's happened, is it? Your record out here is not exactly untarnished.
Ehh, maybe. [Downs his schnapps in one. To the barman] Two more of them 'ere, you.
Oz
Cheers.
I mean... I'm no worse than most, you know. I mean... back on my own turf, like, you know, er... I'm a very popular bloke. [Oz, having drunk his schnapps, coughs] Leastways, no-one's ever said that they didn't like me, you know. Now and then I get a bit cantankerous, you know. Now and then.
Oz
Yeah, but I mean how often's "now and then"?
Oz
Oh, pay nights, like?
Right. [Downs another schnapps]
Oz
It must be the drink, yer kna, Mac, with you. I mean, it's a demon with some blokes, yer kna.
You know this fight the other night? I just had about ten pils, you know, a few schnapps... [Downs yet another schnapps, while Oz sips his] so it can't have been the drink!
Oz
What d'you want now?
What do I want now? It's him! What on earth possessed you to bring him in here?
Oz
Well, Dennis, he had naewhere else to go.
Well, that's his hard lines, right? He brought that on himself.
Oz
Well, you cannae see a bloke without a bed, man, Den.
Him, you can. You're better off buying him a cage, mate. He even snores aggressively.
He's gonna make all our lives a misery.
Oz
Well, he cannae make your life much more of a one, can he?
Look, leave Nev alone! Nev's right, Nev is! He's gonna spoil everything, he is!
Oz
He's only one person, man!
Look, man, we've just about got used to living with each other, right? Now it hasn't been easy, but we've managed. Now you, you've gone and bollocksed everythin' up, askin' him in here!
Yeah, we're not a bleedin' halfway house, man.
No, he's gotta go, it's as simple as that.
Oh yeah, and you're gonna tell him, is that it?
No, no. Uh... I thought Bomber would.
Oh, terrific(!) Bomber's not back 'til next week.
Alright then, we'll get up a delegation, right? We can write a strongly worded protest and then Dennis can go...
"Dennis can" what? Oh aye, Dennis can tell 'im to naff off. Dennis can get his head thumped!
Ah, we'll all back you up, though.
No, Dennis has got a point.
Oz
Well I dunno what all the fuss is aboot, he's not a bad bloke.
Oh, no, compared with other violent psychopaths, I suppose he isn't(!)
Oz
Well, you've just gotta know how to handle 'im, man.
Well no-one else has, have they? He's done previous, you know.
Yeah, some of the lads told me.
Well, I should hardly think it's income tax evasion.
G-grievous bodily harm, more like.
[To Oz] Look, you asked 'im in 'ere, right? You can get shot of 'im.
Oz
All right, all right, man! It's nae skin off my nose!
It will be if you don't don't ask him right.
Oz
[As Barry throws...] Treble... double 20... and a 20... and 5. 65.
65? I'm getting good at this, ain't I? I could make the team. [Gets the darts out.]
Oz
Too late now, it's already been decided who's playin' - me, Dennis, Magowan and Moxey.
Oh, Moxey's only in because of his board, isn't he? [Oz takes his turn]
So it's not true. Look, we played the aggregate all week, right? I qualified fair and square.
Yeah, only by the skin of your teeth.
I still qualified, though!
Bloody hell, you'd think it was the Olympics!
Oz
[Counting his total] Seventy-four... [Imitating a darts announcer] "Oz, you require double 16." [Gets his darts while Barry steps up to the oche.]
'Ey, you could be scorer, Barry.
Bog off. That's Nev's privelige, innit? After all, he arranged it.
Is, er, Nev picking up them soldier lads, then?
[As he throws] Ah, the station, three o'clock.
Better organise the booze, eh?
Yeah, we can arrange it on the dining table, can't we?
Oz
Go on, man.
All right. Get some crisps.
Oh, nice and festive, eh? What about some balloons?
Oz
[Looks at Barry's score] 13? I thought you said you were improvin'!
[Points behind him] Well he put me off with his bloody sarcasm, didn't he? [Neville enters the hut]
Oz
Right. Double 8 wanted.
All right, Nev? Letter on your bed, mate.
Oh aye? It's probably from Brenda, wondering why her money's short this week.
Is that why you're putting in so much overtime, then?
It's not for the love of it, is it?
Oz
Double 8 needed... [Having hit a single 16, he then hits a treble 16.]
[Chuckles] Ah, choked under pressure. Let's see... you want double 8, and I want...
Oz
219.
[Reading the letter] Oh, aye, it's from Colin.
Oz
Oh aye? What's his craic?
...Oh, they've got a dress parade tomorrow morning. Oh, he's comin' over Monday instead.
Oh, that's no good. It's no fun unless it's the weekend. [Barry hits a 5 and a 4...]
Oz
Well, that's all right, it'll give us some practice time. [Barry misses the board entirely and hits the wall.] Nice shot, Barry. One in the 5, one in the 4, and one in the wall.
Best get the booze in today, eh? Naebody'll have any money left come Monday. Has that Magowan paid us anything back yet?
I want what he owes. There's no reason why I should have to work Saturday mornings and Brenda go short for the likes of him, is there?
Oz
[Hitting the double 8] That's it. Beautiful dart.
[To Dennis, gesturing to the barman] Hey, there's no crisps, Den. We've got to have crisps, mate!
Man! You can get yer crisps on Monday, man, Barry!
Oz
[Entering the bar] Wa-hey!
Did you get the, er, spirits, mate?
Oz
Why aye. [Produces two bottles from under his jacket and places them in the crates] Schnapps... and a bottle of vodka.
That should be enough, shouldn't it?
That depends if the Army drink as much as us lads, eh? [Barry chuckles.] Listen, this lot's not got to be touched 'til Monday, right?
Oz
What?! Hang on a minute! I mean, if we're ganna carry this all the way over to the hut, I think we deserve a drink.
Nah, nah, we've got it in now, man, as an insurance against anybody's reckless spending, right? Not one drop of this will be touched by anybody. Including Magowan. [Neville, Moxey, Barry and Dennis each pick up a crate, while Oz picks up the schnapps and vodka]
He's no problem, you know. 'Ey, he pissed off, y'know, when he heard the darts had been cancelled. Said he wouldn't be back 'til tomorrow.
You mean we've got a night's reprieve?
[Suddenly jubilant] Right, in that case, it's my round! [Puts his crate down] What do you want to drink? [The others also put their crates and bottles down]
Oz
And we'll get stuck into the vodka when we get back.
Aye! Let's celebrate, yeah?
[To the barman] Five bottles of pils...
I got me cards from Grunwald.
Oz
What for?
He says he heard through the grapevine the judge is gonna do me when I go up, you know, make an example or somethin'.
Apparently. I told yer they'd stuff it to me, didn't I? Vindictive bastards!
Aye, well, yer... yer best off goin' home. It's better than bein' in the clink.
Aye, s'pose so. [Starts to walk off]
Oz
So long, mate.
[Turns back and squares up to Neville] That's your bail money up the spout, kid! [Walks off again, this time picking up a wrench as he passes a digger, throwing it through a cabin window, breaking it.]
[Gives a thumbs up] Nice one.
Hey, Nev, what time are the Army arriving, eh?
Aboot six o'clock, I'd better put a move on, eh?
We'll go down on the bike, they can follow us back in a taxi.
Oz
Aye, it should be a good night. And you're in the team after all, Nev.
Ah, that's not important.
Hello, Dennis. [The lads put their tools in storage] Ahh, it's great, innit? The old spirit restored.
Oz
Aye, a darts match and a piss-up to follow, eh? Magic!
Better get some practice in.
Oz
Yeah, gotta make a good show against the Army lads.
Aye, well there's no panic. We can have a monumental piss-up, but you can forget all about the darts match.
Oz
Why? How's that, like?
Magowan's pissed off with the dartboard. [We see the bare wall where the dartboard used to be. Moxey looks disappointed.]
Oz
Er, listen, lads, if youse lot wanna make a few bob on the side, er, maybes you should come in wi' me.
Doin' a bit of moonlighting, are ya, Oz?
Oz
Well, I might have this business proposition, right? See, I've met this Eric. Canny lad... for an Eric. Anyway, nothing's finalised yet, so I can't say so much, but if you want in, now's the time to speak up.
Hold on... d'you mean speak up to divvy up, son?
Oz
Both, both.
Well, tell us what it is, then.
Oz
Nah, I can't yet.
Well, how will we be expected to chip in if you won't explain?
Oz
Well, that's the whole point, man, Neville.
Oz
Look, the more yer speculate, the more coin yer get back in the back end.
But Oz, we're entitled to know what we're speculatin' in!
Oz
Aye, in due course, Dennis. When I get everythin' finalised. [Checks himself in the mirror.] But, er, for the moment, all I need is yer readies and yer trust. [Turns round to see blank faces.] Was that askin' too much, like?
Nah, you're askin' too much, son.
Oz
Well, suit yerselves, I'll seek investment elsewhere, stuff you lot!
Oz! How, at least give us a clue!
Oz
[Leaves the hut... then pokes his head in a few seconds later] Well, it's adult, and it's liable to cause offence. [Leaves the hut again.]
Dennis [Thinking aloud] "It's adult, and liable to cause offence"?
Oz
[To the crane operator, motioning] In a bit... Whoa, whoa... Right, down at that. [The crane starts lowering the bricks. To Bomber] Look, all I need is cash upfront, and then we'll be quids in.
Oz
Big business. Expanding markets, guaranteed demand. See, all we've got to do is buy the gear here, ship it home and then we're quids in.
Oz
Well... I don't want you goin' tellin' the rest, 'cos they never take us seriously, that lot.
[Motions] Cross me 'eart. Now, what are you on about?
Oz
[Whispering] Porn.
Oz
[Whispering] No, man. Porn, man. Porn, yer kna?
What are you on about? Are you opening Gateshead's first massage parlour?
Oz
Nah, man. Videos, man. Importing videos. [The operator stops lowering the bricks.]
You're askin' me to handle pornographic videos? Me? The father of five children?
Oz
Well, they don't have to watch 'em.
Are you off your rocker, lad?
Oz
Ah, well, forget it. [Waves his hands, the crane operator mistakes this as a signal to lower the bricks onto the scaffold.] I just thought with five bairns, you might've needed the extra coin.
You're off your bloody rocker, boyo! [The pallet lands on the scaffold... and on Bomber's foot!]
Hey, the rules were ever so strict. Even when our lot wanted to pick up their kids from school, they couldn't talk to the German parents. I think that's terrible, don't you?
It seems a bit unnecessary, seeing as the war was over.
Oz
Seems perfectly logical to me. I mean, if I'd spent six years fightin' the Krauts, the last thing I'd wanna do would be to fraternise with them in the local!
Aye, but the war was over, Oz.
Oz
Oh, aye. Precious comfort for some(!) Precious comfort for me Uncle Dan who got a leg blown off in Tripoli. I cannae see him wantin' to buy drinks for the buggers who blew it off in the first place.
Well, the Germans suffered too! Everybody suffered one way or another.
So what happened to old Hedley, then?
He married her, didn't he? So they cashiered him. Hoyed him out of the Army. No pension. Nothin'. 'Ey, it's tragic when you think about it.
Oz
Me granny suffered an' all, yer kna. They flattened her with a bomb on her way back from The Black Horse. Poor soul. She only nipped out for a milk stout!
Auf Wiedersehen, Pet · 320 quotes
