[The lads finally arrive at the site. The Cockney, Wayne, is already hard at work and watches them as they arrive. The lads meet their boss, Herr Grunwald, at the site entrance...]
Reporting for work, sir. [Hands papers to Grunwald] Patterson, Osbourne and Hope. Er, Herr Pfister signed us on - two brickies and a chippie. [Neville motions to Dennis] Er, unless you want another brickie.
Er, well we know one if you do.
Nein. [Dennis looks at Neville as if to say "I tried"] It is not good, I think, to arrive so late.
Yes, well sorry, sir. We had a bit of bother on the roads. [Glares at Oz] Look, can we just check in the hostel and we'll get back here smartish, eh?
The hostel is full. You will have to stay on the compound. [The lads look into the site]
I thought we'd be in the hostel.
First served, first come. Put your things in your hut. [Walks away]
'Hut'? What's he talkin' about, 'hut'?
It's pro tem, man. Pro tem. Howay.
[They grab their belongings and head inside the site...]
[To Dennis] You said we'd be in a hostel with table tennis and baths.
Aye, well we would've been, wouldn't we, if we'd've been on time! [Oz doesn't respond.]
Stalag 17 by the look of things.
Eeh, is there anywhere to go round here?
I don't know, Neville, you've seen as much of this place as I have.
Aye, but you've been here before.
Not to this site, I haven't. Neville, I can't choose the site! I'm a bricklayer, I'm not a bloody architect! [Spots a builder walking in their direction] Oi! [The builder approaches, he's significantly taller and more well built than the other three] Er, excuse me, d'yer speak English?
Bomber[In a Bristolian accent] 'Tis my mother tongue, my dear. Spoke it all my life. The name's Bomber.
Which is the best hut, Bomber?
Bomber
Oh, I'd take that one. [Glances over to his left] The other one's got all the Turks in. We calls it the Casbah. [Walks off.]
[Oz, Dennis, Neville, Wayne and Bomber get their pay packets]
There ya go, Nev. That makes it all worthwhile, eh? First pay packet.
Bomber
And Bomber's last!
PPfister
What? You are leaving?
Bomber
And not soon enough, me ol' duck! Got a nice job lined up, I have. Bristol, new bypass. Good money, home every night and English ale. [Walks off]
[Sotto voce to Neville] If, eh, they need a brickie, I'll steam in there Monday, all reet?
[Barry arrives at the site on his motorbike]
Who's this then? Barry Sheene?
[Stops his bike in front of the three Geordies. Wayne also approaches] Hello again, Dennis!
Oh yeah? Don't believe I've had the pleasure, son!
Ah, Barry! Barry Taylor. [Shakes Wayne's hand]
Thought you'd, er, gone to Mönchengladbach.
Ah, I didn't like one bit, did I? Didn't like the place nor the site! [Looks around] This looks alright, though! It's got a sort of... better air, hasn't it? Need electricians, do they?
Ey, I'll chance me arm here then!
[Holding up his bandaged hand] I do that every day!
[Neville returns to the hut after playing a game of football against the Turkish workers]
Bomber
[In bed after a night at a brothel] Oh aye?
I thought you were goin' home today, Bomber. Shouldn't you be at the station by now?
Bomber
Should be, yes.
Better get yer skates on, haven't ya?
Bomber
Not going now. No point.
Bomber
No money.
Ay, you're joking! You said you had nearly £900 to take home!
Bomber
I had it. Now I haven't.
Well, how many girls did you have?
Bomber
I went out afterwards with some of the Brits. Poker was my downfall. I was feeling lucky. I reckon the Williams Schnapps affected Bomber's judgment.
Awww. That's tragic! What'll ya tell the wife?
Bomber
Well I knows exactly what she'll say. That's why Bomber's staying. [Neville looks somewhat disappointed] Not the first time, boy. Daft as a brush, that's always been Bomber's problem. I get up and goes to work every week, hands it over to the wife, pays for the house, new clothes for the kids. Don't leave much for yourself, like. Suddenly you gets a great wad of spending money in your fist. Throws you off, don't it? It's a great feeling to be able to buy drinks for your friends, even strangers.
So... what are you gonna do now?
Bomber
[Gets out of bed] As much overtime as I can crack! It's the straight and narrow from now on for Bomber!
Watch, here comes mein Fuhrer.
What, is he headin' over 'ere?
Right... [He sits down, grabs his beer and drinks it.]
Bomber
[Pointing his trowel at Oz] Is he barmy? Takin' a tea-break when the chargehand comes round?
Does it on purpose, Bomber.
Bomber
I sometimes think Oz ain't playin' with a full stack.
Look, man, I don't go kow-towin' to authority like what they do. Yer put a chimpanzee in a uniform and they'd salute it. "I was only obeyin' my orders." That's like their national motto, man. [Ulrich speaks to a worker] And if you've got owt to say, say it to me face, pal!
He's not talkin' about you, Oz. He's talkin' to the Germans.
How d'you know when you can't speak a word of German?
I understand more German than what you think, mate.
[Approaching Oz] And I know more English thank you think... For instance, I know the English word "tea-break".
Look, Mr. Ulrich, I do me whack same as the next man, right? And if I do it any faster, it entitles us to take me tea break when I want to, alreet? Now at the end of the day, you'll find the same amount of bricks laid here as anywhere else on the site, alreet?
If this true... everything okay. [Oz nods. Ulrich turns to leave.] Danke Schön.
And donkey shite to you too, pal. [Ulrich leaves]
Hey Oz, why do you antagonise people for no good reason?
Just don't like to see them Germans gangin' up on wor, man.
They're not, man. Those lads are just doin' a job o' work, same as us. We're on their turf, man. We're happy enough to take their Deutschmarks come the end of the week, aren't we?
Well, what's that got ta do with it? Wa earn it, don't wa, 'cos we're the best!
[Giving up, he turns away] Eh, Bomber, I tell yer he's always gotta have the last word. It's hopeless, man! It's like beatin' yer head against a brick wall.
Aye, well if yer dae, divven't bang it against a German bit, 'cos it'll fall doon.
Hey, she was a bit tasty that interviewer, eh? Old Nev should've steamed in there!
Aye, they've got some canny boilers, the Germans, like, I'll give 'em that.
But nothin' else, though.
. Well, the beer's passable. [His comments start attracting the attention of a few German workers]
Bomber
You passes enough of it.
No, no, no. To be fair, I've only been here three weeks, I mean.
Doesn't make any difference, does it? You could be here three years, and all you'd see was bierhalles, massage parlours...
So yer gettin' at me again? [Bomber nods]
Look, you could use workin' here as an education, yer kna. You could learn from it.
Look, man, look. I lay bricks, that's what I do. I get up in the morning and for eight hours a day, five days a week, I lay bricks, alreet? It doesn't make no difference to me if it's Dusseldorf or Darlington. I just lay bricks man. [The German workers shake their heads and prepare to confront Oz.]
It depends how you use your time off, don't it, eh? I mean Nev's got the right idea, he's integrating himself, I mean.
Yeah, that's what Kevin Keegan did. When Kevin Keegan went to Hamburg, he made a real effort to adapt...
[To Dennis, who's gone to the bar] Get us a bottle, will ya?
And Mrs. Keegan! They learn the language, and they made a wide variety of friends amongst the German community.
Oh, aye? So how come he transferred to Southampton, then? I mean Germany must be pretty desperate if he preferred Southampton!
[Returning to the table with some more beers] Have yer been there, like, have ya? [Three of the German workers stands behind Dennis.]
GWGerman worker
I have a question for you.
Oh aye? Wanna see me papers, do ye?
GWGerman worker
If Germany is such no good place, why don't you piss off back to England? [Dennis winces as Oz breaks a bottle and grabs the German worker]
Bomber
[To the barman] Six pils, and six rounds of ham and cheese. [Oz enters the bar, the lads say nothing.] What'll it be, Oz?
Bomber
[To the barman] Another pils.
Bomber
Oh don't be daft, he only wants a swift half.
[Gets up and approaches the bar] All right.
That don't count! Come on, man. Give him a beer. [The barman reluctantly puts a seventh beer on the table. Oz goes over to the others.]
Did you get the boot then?
Aye, yeah. [He sits at the table, with the others, followed by Barry and Dennis, who puts a beer in front of Oz.]
I'm really sorry, Oz. I didn't mean...
Oh nae, it's not your fault, Neville, it's them bastards!
Come off it. You've only got yourself to blame, you brought this on yourself.
Because you're always soundin' off at the Germans! They're just a canny bunch of lads, same as the rest of us!
Well, alright, he's a hardnose. But it's his job, man.
Well Ulrich can put his job right in the shit, couldn't he, if you'd've back us up!
Oh, right, like a confrontation with the management over his unfair dismissal.
What good d'ya think that's gonna do?
Well it's ganna leave 'em short, isnit? Then what's he ganna dae?
He's gonna ring the agent and order another six Brits! He's got plenty to choose from, there's three million unemployed back home!
Well, it shouldn't be allowed. It's shouldn't! I mean, we've got wor rights, haven't we?
We haven't got any rights, Oz! We're on the lump, man, we're black. Look, if you want worker's rights, then register with the Germans. Pay them income tax, welfare, insurance. Can't have it both ways.
[Quietly] Right. So... [Louder] So... What yer sayin' is you won't back us up! One of yar own mates! Is that it?
Look, Oz, I'm sorry you got the boot, right? We all are. But I can do sod all about it.
Well you're the one that talked Grunwald into letting Neville stay, aren't ya?
There were two other factors that helped Neville: A - the bomb, and B - your big mouth.
Look, I've seen blokes like you come and go all the times I've worked in Germany. Never been out the UK before. Never eaten foreign food, never drank foreign beer. Fish out of water without the wife or the mother to lend a guiding hand. After a week they've lost their passports, they've got pissed, lost most of their money, and become ridiculously nationalistic for the country that can't even bloody employ them in the first place. man! [Oz gets up and walks towards the exit]
Me? No, no, I know when I'm not wanted? [Exits the bar.]
[After the German workers convince Herr Grunwald to reinstate Oz, the lads decide to invite them to the hut for some beers and a game of darts. Bomber and Moxey put a light above the dartboard]
Bomber
[Plugs the light in] That's it. Perfect. [The light is a bit dim.]
Could've done with a stronger bulb, though.
[Takes a beer from a crate] D'you reckon we've got enough in, Den?
Well if there's not, it's easy enough to get some more, innit?
Aye, ey, they drink a bit, them Jerries! Maybe as much as us!
Listen, Oz, Listen, everybody, it's because of those Jerries that Oz is still here. Don't want anybody forgetting that, right? [Murmurs of agreement] When those German scaffolders turn up tonight, let's all make sure that we have a good night. Agreed? You especially, Oz.
And this darts match, right, it's not the World Cup, or a replay of World War II. It's just meant to cement the harmony and the goodwill amongst the British and the Erics. Agreed? [Murmurs of agreement] Good.
Mind you, it might only be a darts match, but us British have still got to try and hammer these Germans.
'Cos they're the bastards that bombed me granny!
It's ten to six, yer kna.
Yes. Yes, it is, yes, Oz.
Yeah, but he was supposed to be here at two o'clock!
Well, maybe his car broke down.
Well I can think of better things to do than hang around here on a Friday night freezin' me nuts off.
[Dagmar and Ulrich exit the office, their working day done.]
Wiedersehen, Dagmar. Oh, schönes Wochenende. (Goodbye, Dagmar. Have a nice weekend.) [Some of the workers wolf whistle and make suggestive noises at Dagmar as she walks past. Ulrich approaches Oz] What's this? Some kind of British protest meeting?
We want wor wages, don't wa?
It is not my responsibility, it's the agent who pays you.
We know that, we know that, we just don't know where he is, man.
This is your business, it is not mine.
Oh well that's alright, but if we don't get paid, we just don't come to work next week, alreet?
Well, then I send for more out-of-work Engländers. [He gets in his car.]
We'll get no joy out of him, y'know. [Ulrich drives away, but not before Magowan furiously slams his hand on the roof of the car.]
[Entering the hut] Hey, yer seen them lunatics standin' out there, eh? As if that's ganna make him turn up any faster, y'know what I mean, eh!
Mind, Mr. Pfister's never usually this late, Dennis. I like to get to the post office on a Friday night, that way Brenda gets her money first thing Monday morning. [Moxey pulls the towel all the way over his head and over the bowl.]
Ey, there's no panic, man. I mean, yer kna, Don't forget... [Lights his cigarette] This bloke, he must cover, what, fifteen sites in a day, y'know. He could've got held up, had a puncture, yer kna, anything.#
[Lifts up his towel] It's like what Bomber told us the other day... [sniffs] ...there were thirty other Brits, y'know, when he was workin' in Essen a year ago waiting for their money. The agent never turned up at all.
[Pulls the towel back over the bowl and coughs before pulling the towel back] Well, it turns out... he'd legged it to Hamburg. Left his wife, took all their money and some young Fräulein, y'know, from the a-architect's office. [Coughs and covers his head again.]
Well, I've had enough of this. I mean, there's no point in standin' here like spare pricks at a wedding, is there? I mean, he knows where we live, doesn'he? [Turns and heads back to the hut]
Bomber
You're right. Might as well get back and put the kettle on, eh? [Also turns and leaves]
Ah well, can't keep a nice young Fräulein waiting, I'd better wash me barnet, eh? [Turns and leaves. Barry follows suit.]
[Brandishing a hosepipe connected to a gravel suction pump] Well I'm gonna wait it out. Y'know what I'm gonna do when he does turn up?
I'm gonna connect 'im to this hosepipe there and I'm gonna blow gravel right up his jacksie.
Ah, yes, that is one approach, Magowan, yeah. On the other hand, you could always take a hard line though(!) [Magowan throws down the hosepipe and glares menacingly at Barry, who promptly backs away and heads with the others to the hut.]
Alright, lads? Pass 'em along. [He puts the beers in front of Dennis to pass down the table.] Hey, it's put wor behind, hasn'it with Pfister being late.
Bomber
Still salvaged our Friday night though. [Raises his glass to Barry.] Cheers, kid.
We've plenty of time to do a bit of carnage though, Bomb, eh?
Hey, I thought you were putting it aside for your future!
Oh aye, I am, Dennis. Yeah, but I still think, considering under which squallid circumstances we all live, I think it's very important that we, every now and again, you know, just sort of let it all hang out, you know.
That's the main reason yer here, y'see. That's the main reason nearly everybody's here. It's not for the money you send back. You're trying to recapture your adolescence, which you lads missed by gettin' married too young in the first place.
No, not me, Dennis. No. Not married me, no. I like to stay free, you know.
Well, you're the exception, you know what I mean, Barry?
Bomber
I reckon Den's right. We all took the plunge too soon.
Nineteen, I was. Bloody madness, man.
Yeah, and your marriage is down the toilet now, isn'it?
Well, face facts, Dennis. I mean, yer gettin' divorced, aren't ya? I mean, that's why yer shouldn't keep on to me gettin' on my back about my marriage!
Oz, your marriage is a mockery!
You admitted yerself you don't even send your Marjorie nothin'!
We're still together, aren't we?
Oh aye? Gateshead's most stable couple(!)
Yeah? There's not that much competition up there these days.
Bomber
Look, we all got hitched for better off or worse! Come the end of the day, I reckons we all knows where our responsibility lies.
[Noticing a group of ladies walking past their table] Oh, look at that!
Bomber
I likes it! I wish I were their age!
Well I'm is their age! [Takes his drink and heads for the ladies.]
Bomber
Wait for me! [And so does he, leaving Dennis and Barry at the table.]
[Adjusts his tie, blushing] They're... very attractive.
Morning, campers! Rise and shine!
Well, it's not the Duke of Edinburgh, is it?
[Waking up] I was fast asleep...
Howay, Dennis, man! G'mornin'! Work to be done!
[Throws his bed covers off] Why din' ya pack it in, man!
Thought you'd gone for good.
Nah, yer can't get rid of me that easy, mate.
Bomber
[Waking up] Oh, I'm dreamin' and havin' a nightmare, Oz has come back!
Where'd you spring from, then?
Been back home, havven' I? Cadged a lift back home with the lads after the match. Well, why not, you know? Go back home, have a couple of pints with the lads in The Crow, see the wife...
Certainly. While I was back, I might as well sort her out.
Aye, I heard you'd been back home.
I was talkin' to Brenda, she told us.
Ah well look, from now on, we'll just keep the wives' mafia out of our affairs, shall wa? 'Cos one of the good things is Marjorie doesn't know I'm in Dusseldorf. In fact, as far as she's concerned, it's the last place she'll think of lookin' for us! I'm not here, me, I'm the Invisible Man! [Checks his belongings]
Bomber
Well I can't think of anyone less invisible than you, Oz!
...Hey, where's me stereo?
No, it's.. it's mine now.
Yeah, I sort of bought it.
Er, I think an explanation is in order. Err, Dennis...
Well, Oz, it's, er... like this. Us lads, like, we thought we'd seen the last of you, yer kna. Thought you'd gone for good. So we said to worselves, "What shall we do with his stuff?"
So what did you do with it?
Well, we went through your locker, you know, thinkin' you'd need the money. [Oz checks his locker] And the only things we found of any value were your donkey jacket, your digital clock and your stereo.
And they're gone an' all! Where are they?
Well, eh, we had an auction, Oz.
It was a democratic decision. I've got the digital clock.
And, er, I got the stereo.
[Looks round] What a bloody nerve!
No, wait a minute! Look, we weren't selling you short. I mean, we raised 230 quid! That plus yer three days wages came to nearly £400!
[Flabbergasted] Oh that's not so bad, 'cos I can borrow a bit to get back! [To Wayne, pointing at the stereo] I'm buyin' that straight back, mate! [To the others] Where's me money?
Er... Well, the thing is, Oz, thinking you'd need the money, like, yer kna, we, er... sent it home.
Home?! But I'm here, man! What's ganna happen to it?
[Smirking] Well, I think your wife'll find a use for it!
[Torrential rain has brought all work on the site to a halt. In the hut, Barry writes a letter, while Wayne, Neville, Bomber and Oz play pontoon with a pack of lewd playing cards. Moxey is in bed with the flu.]
[Looks outside] It's like a bleedin' quagmire out there, innit? [To Moxey] Reckon we'll be laid off?
[All stuffed up] Suits me. I'm not well. [Sneezes into a hankie.]
Still ploatin' doon, isn'it?
"Ploatin' doon"? An' what's that supposed to mean, then?
Yer kna... hoyin' it doon, man. Cats and dogs. It's pissin' down, isn'it?
Bomber
At least that's English. It's easier to learn German than understand Geordie.
Look, are we playing cards or what?
It comes from the French - "pleut". [Wayne rolls his eyes.] So, to "pleut" means "to rain" in French. At least, I think it does.
Yeah, well you're an educated man you are, Nev. O-Level in woodwork. Can't argue with that, can we(?) [Neville gives Wayne the two-fingered salute.] Do you wanna twist or buy?
Nah, I'll stick with these, thanks.
[One of the Turks enters the hut to bring fuel for the stove. He leaves the door open.]
Bomber
I'll stick. [Gets up to shut the door.]
Brought up in a t-tent you were, Ayatollah!
Bomber
Oh, leave the lad alone, we needs the warmth. [Shuts the door.]
Right, er, twist us a seven. [Wayne deals a card] Nine. Perfect(!) [He's bust, he throws his cards to the table.]
[Turns over his cards] Eighteen, pay nineteens.
[As he and Bomber throw their cards down] Can you believe his luck?
[Noticing the Turk standing by the stove with the wood in a bucket] Just leave it down there, Ayatollah. We'll manage it. Just get out. [The Turk sets the bucket down and starts observing the game.]
If I'd known I was going to be put in with you lot, I'd have taken a bloody language course! I'd have gone to that place in Oxford Street, you know? The Berlitz School, and taken elementary Geordie for beginners! :[The Turk takes a keen interest in Neville's cards.]
Hey, Ayatollah! That's all right. Sling yer hook. Get out! [The Turk finally takes the hint and leaves.]
Bomber
Look at these cards. I must have killed a Chinaman.
A lot of Geordie derives from Denmark. Scandinavia. 'Cos of the Vikings, see? They came over our way first.
Well, they still do, don't they? They shop at Marks & Sparks!
[Meanwhile, Dennis is in the site office. Herr Ulrich enters.]
Er, just checking, Herr Ulrich, the lads were wondering what the possibility is of resuming work.
[Taking off his raincoat] Very small. The forecast is continual bad.
Well, we don't mind working the weekend, yer kna, to make up for it.
No, it's not popular with the German workers.
Well, can I just clarify one thing? I mean, we still get paid, don't we? I mean, the weather, that's not down to us, is it?
Well, the weather's very English, I think.
Yeah, but we'd still get paid in England.
Ja, but in Germany, you're self-employed. No work, no pay.
Well when I read the contract, it didn't read like that to me.
No? Please, read the small print.
Hey, I nearly drowned out there, man!
Bomber
What's mein Führer say, then?
'Fraid not, bonny lad. Some chippies have got some indoor work, but us lot can forget it.
I was really hoping to put in some overtime this week.
Oz What, to compensate for your pontoon deficits?
Well, a little break won't do us any harm, eh?
Yeah, but Brenda wants to retile the bathroom.
Aye well, you shouldn't play cards, should yer?
I wouldn't be playing if it wasn't raining!
You really reckon Monday, Dennis?
It's Friday now, Barry, and the forecast...
[Checking the change in his hand] I'd better phone her I suppose.
Nae bother, man. Just reverse the charges. It's only England.
I was really counting on that extra.
It's bound to happen, man. It happens at home, doesn't it, the weather?
[Getting up] If that's the word then, I know a young Fräulein who won't be too upset. I'd better press me old whistle, haven't I, eh?
It's one of them things, Neville, man, yer kna. We might as well make the most of it.
...I dunno. Somethin'. Pictures, eh? Hey, we could hire a car, couldn't we? Drive off overnight, like. [Sits at the table where Oz is still fiddling with the deck of cards]
Bomber
What?
Berlin, man. Can we gan to Berlin, Den? I've always wanted to gan to Berlin.
Bomber
Why, for heaven's sake?
Well, I divvn't kna, man. I mean it's, er... It's historic, isn'it? I mean it's interesting. After all, it is Berlin, isn'it?
It's probably raining there an' all.
No, no, man. But think of it. Berlin, man! Yer kna, spies, the war, Hitler's bunker...
Bomber
It's closed weekends.
Ahh, do us a favour, man, Bomber.
Hey, you could gan to East Berlin, Oz.
What? Behind the Iron Curtain?
Let's all spend the weekend in East Berlin.
Apparently, it's the most miserable, depressing place you've ever seen in yer life.
Blimey! What's this? [Picks up a bank note off the floor.] Who's dropped this? Look. Is this yours, then? [Passes the note to Bomber]
Bomber
Oh-ho, I wish it was, boyo! [Passes it to Dennis]
It's 100 Marks! Hey, somebody's flush [Passes it to Wayne]
Or bleedin' careless. [Passes it to Moxey]
Let's have a look. [Does so, then passes it to Neville] 100 Deutschmarks.
100 Alfreds? That's worth about twenty-five quid, ah. [The lads drunkenly giggle, but no-one owns up to dropping the money. Neville leaves the 100 Mark note on the table]
Hey, close the door, will ya? It's worse than the bloody Arctic! [Wayne goes to close the door, but as he does, Oz grabs hold of his wrist.]
You naffin' lunatic! What's goin' on?
Look at this! [Holding up Wayne's hand, covered in green stains]
What are you on about? [The others wake up]
[Breaks free from Oz's grasp] You lunatic!
Look, last night I coated this note with this special stuff, right? Dennis knows what I'm talkin' about. The next day it stains your fingers, right? [Grabs Wayne's hand and holds it up again] Look at the evidence!
I doctored this note, didn't I?
But the note's over there, ain't it? [Points to the 100 Mark note still on the table. The Turk also notices.]
[Looking at his stained hands] Hey, what's this?
[Looking at his hands too] I've got it as well.
[Also examining his hands] Eurgh!
Hey, does this come out? [While all the lads are checking their hands, the Turk - the real culprit - takes the 100 Mark note from the table, completely unnoticed by the lads, and exits the hut.]
[Looking at his hands, as is Bomber] Oh, no.
Does this come off? I've got a tattoo on me arm I don't want, and now I've got green fingers! [Oz just looks confused.]
Aye, there they go. Off to their nice comfortable homes.
Bomber
Aye. They'll have a big tea waiting for 'em, a glass of foaming beer, slippers warming by the fire.
Yeah, then it's feet up in front of Coronation Straße and a quick bit of the ol' leg over on the settee.
Is that all you think about, Wayne? Turking?
Only when I'm awake, Moxey. At night, when I'm dreaming, I think of carpentry, don't I(?)
Right, what's it ganna be tonight, boys, then? A nice bit of gourmet cooking out the hut then a couple of gallons of beer at the club?
That's a good idea, Oz, we haven't done that for, er, twenty-four hours(!)
Actually, Dennis has hit on a very serious point here, y'know. I've been reading this book recently about health food, see, and I reckon our dietary habits leave a lot to be desired, I do, mate. Especially from the point of view of roughage.
[Turns to Barry] What's roughage?
[Notices Dennis laughing] What's the matter wi' you?
Look, if your bowels were Jericho, roughage would be a trumpet. [Dennis and Wayne laugh.]
Well... not quite, no. I'm thinkin' more on the lines of bran, or er... you know, a nice vegetable curry.
Aye. It's a pity we're in Germany, Barry. Still, 'ey, you could nip out to Bradford for a takeaway.
[Calling out to Bomber] Herr Busbridge? Come, please. Telephone.
Bomber
For me?!
Go on, Bomber. It's probably Littlewoods, you've won the jackpot.
Bomber
Not with my luck, I ain't. Get my money, will you, Nev?
Hey, Bomber! Do Barry a favour, ask Ulrich if he knows of any Indian restaurants. [Bomber follows Herr Ulrich into the site office.]
Ah. There. [Points to a phone off the hook.] I will leave you alone, it's your wife.
Bomber
My wife?! [Picks up the receiver] Hello, Patsy? What's the matter, girl?
Auf Wiedersehen, Pet · 320 quotes
