Lindsay Bluth Fünke quotes from Arrested Development

Tobias

You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised... a number of couples to explore an open relationship where the couple remains emotionally committed but free to explore extramarital encounters.

Lindsay

Well, did it work for those people?

Tobias

No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it might work for us.

Lindsay

What did he say? Tell me the last thing he said.

Tobias

[in flashback] I'm afraid I just blue myself.

Michael

He said some wonderful things.

Michael

Well, I better get over there before he brings the whole company down.

Lindsay

It's only been three hours. How much damage could he really do?

Narrator

In three hours, Gob had done $45,000 in damage.

Michael

I think George Michael's hiding Ann in the attic.

Lindsay

From who? The Nazis?

Lindsay

No, you're not going to that. You see, if I show up with you, it'll just make me seem like I'm a mother.

Maeby

I've never thought of you that way.

Lindsay

That's sweet.

Lindsay

Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free.

Really? Did "nothing" cancel?

Lindsay

Well Gob doesn't do anything for the family...

Gob

Hey... I'm [bleep]ing Lucille 2!

Lindsay

Oh! I could do something like that...

Lindsay

That's the first time we were in the shower since our honeymoon.

Tobias

And this time, no tears!

Excuse me, are you the Bluths?

Not Doctor Wordsmith. How's my son?

He's going to be all right.

Oscar

Oh, thank God.

Lindsay

Finally, some good news from this guy.

George Michael

There's no other way to take that.

That's a great attitude. I gotta tell you, if I was given this news, I don't know if I would take it this well.

But... you said he was alright.

Yes. He's lost his left hand, so he's going to be all right.

You son of a bitch. I hate this doctor!

Lindsay

Oh, God. Not that "I'm in love with my mother" dance thing. I'm so glad there wasn't one of those for daddies and daughters.

Of course they have father-daughter dances.

Lindsay

They do? He never took me?

It was before we did your nose. Toodle-oo.

Michael

You've got to be the laziest person in the world.

Lindsay

If you weren't all the way on the other side of the room, I'd slap your face.

Gob

Well, gee, I never thought the woman I'd be checking out at spring break would be Mom.

Buster

She's better looking than the whores you date.

Gob

Don't call my escorts "whores."

Buster

Mom's still got it!

Gob

I DON'T DATE WHORES!

Lindsay

Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop.

Michael

It's just Mom and whores.

Lindsay

We did it, Mikey! We're super-rich again. And I'm going to buy a car. The Volvo. [hands Michael a piece of paper]

Michael

No, Lindsay, you're not going to start spending money. [looks at paper] And this is not a Vol-vo.

Lindsay

Oh, that's from sitting on the copier. Michael, I've got nothing. My husband dumped me and ran off to Vegas with Kitty, that bleached-blonde whore.

Michael

He's definitely got a type.

Lindsay

I can't believe he left me. I mean, this? [points to her face] And these? [points to her breasts] And this? [holds up paper]

Michael

That's the car.

Lindsay

Oh. [holds up other paper] This?

Michael

Glad I didn't spring for color.

Lindsay

You know, Mom, I think the only time you cooked for us was the morning Rosa's mom died.

Buster

You gave us cereal in an ashtray.