[carrying Torvald's body] I should be carrying her.
[carrying Elke's body] Cyril, I paid her, I get to carry her corpse.
S1 E4Killing Utne
[All dialogue and action unseen]
All right, drop them there next to that awful Louis Quinze repro. [Thump, clatter] Now, then. We want this to look like a classic hooker/murder/suicide. So... Cyril, take Sterling's gun and pump a round into his prostitute.
Wait, what?!
Everyone shoots the chippy! That way, we're all in it together. Think of it as a team-building exercise.
But ODIN gets to go on Outward Bound.
Well, ODIN can suck it! Now shoot!
Oh, Jesus.
[Muffled gunshot]
Ew.
You're next.
God, Cyril, that was... [gunshot] pathetic.
Shut up.
Come on! Everybody shoots!
Hey, I wanna go!
[Five muffled gunshots]
Now, Sterling, drop your gun between the bodies...
No! Have you ever seen CSI? This is already like Clue Town.
Not for long. Dr Krieger, dear...
Wha... oh.
Cyril, call 911 from their phone and leave it off the hook, and... Sterling!
But this gun--it was a gift.
Oh, please! Nobody gives you gifts!
You don't know.
Whatever you say, dear. Dr. Krieger.
[Flick of a lighter, slight plume of flame]
Oh, hot potato!
We still didn't get the UN contract.
Oh, but I will. And I'll get to see Trudy Beekman try to explain this little barbecue to the co-op board!
That smell takes me back--just like a Zambesi feast.
Yeah, I'm kinda hungry. Is that weird?
It would be weirder if you weren't.
Oh, I thought we were laughing at the dead people we set on fire.
S1 E5Honeypot
Oh, all Hispanics look roguish.
[Wearing only a towel and baseball catcher's mask] WOODHOUSE! Do we have any lube? Like at this point even some olive oil would [finds his mother in the living room] help me get that drawer unstuck.
And don't even get me started on Miss Gillette.
[Meanwhile, at the office]
[To Pam and Cheryl] She has never liked me. But someday I'm gonna write a book about this place. Mhm, a real smackaroonie.
Oh my god, you like... sneeze glitter.
What? Normal as opposed to gay?
RRudy
Implying that gay is abnormal?
Not abnormal, just... gay!
Yeah. Latino men, you take the bad with the good.
Oh my god, yes. Those NAZI uniforms?
RRudy
Hugo Boss!
Shut up!
RRudy
Swear to god.
Sir, that stolen lemur bit one of your prostitutes right in the face and she says she can't go to hospital because she's, quote, "tripping balls."
Jesus GOD, Sterling, schoolgirls?
No! They're just costumes.
And I suppose that makes it better?
...Doesn't it?
[Later]
I have ascertained the target, sir. He's actually quite handsome.
And I suppose that makes it better?
Doesn't it?
[Later]
Don't tell me that you set this whole thing up just so you could get me to move in with you and your mother!
MNMaj. Nikolai Jackov
No, no! It was just merely incompetence.
And I suppose that makes it better?
MNMaj. Nikolai Jackov
Doesn't it?
Jesus, Krieger, you're still taping bum fights?
No, now I'm into something... darker.
I've developed a proprietary chemical compound which may come in handy. I call it Formula K.
And it makes you temporarily gay?
I dunno. Just started human testing [whispering] by dosing Danny the Intern's coffee.
DIDanny the Intern
[in singsong voice] Danny is definitely feeling something!
I'll pass.
Suit yourself. [Takes a pill] Just means more for me and Danny.
DIDanny the Intern
[singsong] Who is LOV-ing it!
Way the Christ out in the Everglades burying some Dominican guy's rooster!
Fun! Wha-- Oh, you mean literally.
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