Archer · Season 6
[Pam has just spilled her urine on the floor of the elevator, with Ray laying on the floor, halfway out the door]
Quickly, get it before it gets on me!
With what? There's nothing to wipe it up with!
Ah-ha! [Holds up Cyril's vest] Maybe it is good for something!
Are you crazy?! That's cashmere!
Wha- [Hands Cyril back the vest] Oh my God, sorry!
What, so it's non-absorbent?
Lana, it's cashmere, there are rules.
Well, I'm not a freaking mind-reader! [gasps] What if I am?
Then, I'd guess you'd know what we're all thinking right now.
Okay...[to Archer] You wanna drink, [to Lana] you wanna lecture us, [to Pam] you want more bear claws, [to Ray] you wanna smoke, [to Cyril] you wanna masturbate, [to Krieger] and you're scared that we'll figure out that you're actually just a Krieger clone.
[on guards advancing on the plane] Those guys look furious.
Yeah, no shit! So thank you, Ray!
For what, safely landing the plane?
What, like that cancels out you getting it shot down in the first place?
You were the one yapping your head off about my damn teacup pig!
Who I hope to see on my next BLT!
Well, too bad, beause... he went to live on a...
A farm! Exactly! So unless that farm had a magical talking spider...
[Ray gasps in abject horror]
Yeah, they don't keep 'em around for their milk.
[After she and Archer had sex in the broom closet] Don't take this the wrong way but, did your dick get BIGGER?
I don't think so. Is that a thing?
I think I would've heard of it.
What in the name of sweet Jiminy Christ do you think you're doing?!
Standing up for myself! Because maybe I didn't go to some fancy-pantsy Ivy League med school, and maybe I didn't go to some other med school—even the one down in Grenada, which was my fallback, but whatever. That doesn't give you [points to med-team doctor] the right to bully me! I have had it! Oh, and by the way, if I was a clone of Adolf goddamn Hitler, wouldn't I look like Adolf goddamn Hitler?!
Huh. I never thought about that.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Archer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
