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SEASON 1

Archer · Season 1

Archer Season 1 quotes

120 quotes · page 5 of 8

S1 E5Honeypot

RRamón

Mamá always said, "Ramón, un hombre real debe saber cocinar." ["A real man should know how to cook"]

Mine always said, "Sterling, come in here and check me for lumps." Holy shit, was that out loud?

From the looks of it, and not to mention the lemur, I would hazard he's taking a personal day.

I think that's hot, like somebody murdering me is so... intimate.

[Later, discussing her fetish]

You seriously don't think that's hot?

I seriously think you're scary.

No no no no, like, a big, sweaty fireman carries you out of a burning building, lays you on the sidewalk and you think, "yeah, okay, he's gonna give me mouth-to-mouth", but instead he just starts choking the shit out of you, and the last sensation that you feel before you die is he is squeezing your throat so hard that a big, wet, blob of drool drips off his teeth and just, flurp, falls right onto your popped-out eyeball.

[Awkward pause]

Jesus Christ!

We bought those for him and if you throw them off the roof I will fly to New York and fling acid in your face.

How do you say "The Hulk" in Spanish?

RRamone

"El Hulk".

Gay.

RRamone

What? We don't have a word for "Hulk".

Do you have a word for "gay"?

RRamone

Gay.

Gayer! Jesus, Spanish! Our jobs aren't enough; now you gotta take our words?

[Stifling laughter] Woodhouse: he's all tied up somewhere, sc-scared and alone. PROBABLY DEHYDRATED!

S1 E6Skorpio

Cyril, c'mon. Worst case scenario, her cover got blown and Skorpio's raping her senseless before he chops her battered corpse up into fish food.

You know, I think we're making some real progress.

Where, in opposite world? We're never gonna finish all this!

We could, if certain people would help!

[Standing behind stacked cardboard boxes] I'm sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass.

And that's the reason I never have sex with my coworkers. That... and no one ever lets me.

I've had good results with ether.

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