Carl quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Carl...Carl...Hey Carl...CARL!

AH!!!

We can't sleep.

Can you?

Get outta my friggin' house!

No, I want some water.

Yes, we all want water.

Yay! Water! Water! Water!

Fine, fine! Get some in the bathroom and then get out of here!

[pause] Robots don't drink water. Use your brain. You failed test #1.

What're you talkin' about man?

You will pass or else [dramatic music plays].

Or else what?[the robot shoots Carl's right shoulder hair off] Ah! My shoulder hair!

Come on kids. Chubby is grumpy.

Chubby's grumpy.

Whoa whoa whoa, do the other one. At least make it even [the robot shoots Carl's left shoulder hair off] Ah! Now get outta here!

Hey Ma! It's Carl! How are you doing! Hey Ma, I'm thinking of packing my bags and heading over to that dark dismal va hospital you live at.

Carl, come outside!

Carl, hang up!

Oh, no, no, no, I'll bring a car it'll be fine.

Carl!

Hang up, Carl!

What do you mean tomorrow's physical therapy? It's Carl! Your Son! Ya, the one with the mustache! Oh, is that right? WELL YOU TOO YOU BITCH!

Apply the diodes!

You will feel no pain.

You will feel no pain.

But you must sit very still.

You must sit very still.

Ring the bell when the flies come.

Ring the bell when the flies come!

Okay, is this a test?

Yeah, it's a test, sure. See you in one hour.

Okay, I got a bee. Does a bee count?

No...no, only flies.

Only flies!

We have had legendary arguments with flies!

I still got one more test here. I got a test, uh, for you.

Well, we don't take tests.

Yeah, but this one's supereasy. It's called..."count the bullets."

Well, we're not good at math.

15,943. Do more! More! They're like vitamins to us.

Yeah? (Carl keeps shooting through the end of the show)

Uh, let's be frank, that gas leak is going to kill anyone who tries to live in here...

Markula

I'm not fixing that gas leak for you or anybody!

All right, I mean, are you dead set on that price? I mean, 20 grand a month man.

Markula

I need that money. The cost of blood is going up. I need to feed.

Yeah, you keep throwing around words like "blood" and "feed". I mean, feed what man?

Markula

Never you mind. I've said too much already. Oh, I'm so stupid. Stupid!

I don't dance...unless I'm totally wasted.

John Kruk

Hell, let's get wasted!

Oh, c'mon! What do I gotta do here?

John Kruk

Here, take this knife, slice off your nipples, and feed them to the sisters. Like grapes.

All right. No, I'm not doing that.

John Kruk

Oh, c'mon man. You know you're drunk.

Yeah, I know. [cuts off his nipples] It's a good thing too, otherwise I would totally feel this.

John Kruk

Do you have them? All right, now take them and throw them in the sewer.

I thought that you said-

John Kruk

You thought what?! That you're stupid? You're so stupid! That's for hitting me with a battery at Schuyler's, you asshole!

So, they don't want the nipples?

John Kruk

Dude, who WOULD want them? Dogs don't want them. Okay?

Shake

[To Carl] Yo, chubbs! Hey, hairball!

[Puzzled] Okay? Hehe, I'm sorry, you talking to me, there?

Shake

You spin around and direct your attention to me!

You had your cholesterol checked recently? You probably got a heart condition coming on. [chuckles] Oh, yeah!

You serious?

Shake

Yes, big boy.

What, you got, uh... you got a death wish or something, there?

Shake

I'm gonna hop in my pool right now and do a few laps, and when I get out, you had better, if you know what's good for you, have a warm towel for me, hot out of the dryer, and I mean HOT! I will not say it again, so if I were you, I'd get those cottage-cheese thighs moving to the laundry room, and eat a salad once in a while. But time is money...

Time IS money! You GIVE us the money!

Shake

And my time right now is devoted to laps.

Hey, you told him, man. You TOLD him!

Shake

Yeah, I know that I did. It's just so EASY.

I'm gonna tell you Milkshake, you mouth is really writing some checks your cup can't cash.

Shake

Is that right? Well why don't you deposit this in your bank of choice!? [Shoots hole in the side of Carl's house] Boom!

No!

Shake

You take it!

The breakfast nook!

Shake

Yeah!

Ah, that was a whole Tuscan theme!

Yeah, boy, you did it, whoo! You did it!

Shake

What? You callin' me boy?

No.

Shake

Do I look like a small child to you?

No, no, of, of course not, of course not. It's a term of, of endearment. I just.. you know, like "I love you, you love me and... well, we big happy family"... p-please don't hurt me.

Shake

Yes yes, sally forth. Fetch me my floatie, knave.

Aww, yeah, boy! I mean... y-yes, sir. Yes sir, I'm doin' that.

Shake

Ah, oh! (Shake is now seen in Carl's pool) We have talked about this before. I like it at 7, this clearly says 6.8.

What's gotten into you, cup? You put fertilizer on your balls last night?

Shake

Yes...but that is none of your concern, and to clarify, you will speak when spoken to.

No I think I speak when I want, it's a free country, jack!

Shake

Oh, you like to be free, huh? Well feel free, to feel your ass burn! (fires his lasers at Carl, flying him off-screen)

(screams)

Shake

So young...so naive.

Okay, I'm comin' out, I'm comin' out, please don't - (Shake fires lasers at Carl's feet, he backs off) I told you not to shoot! C'mon!

Shake

Is this a game to you?

It's not, it's not, please!

Shake

'Cause it is to me! (Shake fires his lasers at bags of take-out food Carl is holding)

(screams) Look, I ordered the Mongolian beef like you said! It was combination 79, I got the menu right here; you circled it!

Shake

And I changed MY MIND before they got here!

Look, we can reorder!

Shake

I was to receive multiple little corn-cobs, and that is NOT what I got!

That ain't necessary! (Shake shoots Carl with lasers)

(screams) Relax, okay! We... we... we... we... we can reorder!

Shake

Your time is running out my friend. Ya keep makin' mistakes, and sooner or later, I'm gonna have to put ya down.

Shake

I'm gonna catch some Z's and for your sake I hope it doesn't rain... and Carl, when I get up the sheets had better be different. Because your Lawrence Taylor linen set...is not a sexual turn-on...when I'm jerkin' off in your bed.

HE WAS A CHAMPION! (struggling in his chains)

Shake

YEAH!

You don't touch those sheets, you're gonna be pullin' back a stump!

Shake

ALL OVER YOUR PRECIOUS WATERBED!

I'm gonna get you, Cup, if it's the last thing I do!

Shake

Yes, I'm sure you will. And by 'sure' I mean, I highly doubt. (chuckles as he leaves)

Frylock

Meatwad, did you get the key?

(shoots lasers at the tree) I got what I need, and now I'm gonna tell you what I want. (shoots lasers again) Yeah! That looked good!

Oh, Meatman... you took his friggin eyeballs out. That's intense!

Frylock

Yeah, you didn't have to take his eyes out man! Damn!

(chuckling) Yeah, I did.

Shake

(Comes out and has two empty eye sockets) Okay, fools! I have re-energised, and you will be receiving the dividends of my constant laser spanking. Where are you? And I'm only going to ask that once. And my second question is, where the hell are my eyeballs?

Y'know, you oughta just go ahead and get the corrective surgery.

Frylock

I heard it messes with your night vision, y'know.

I've heard good things about it, though. Think: not having to have that saline, not having to keep up with glasses...

Master Shake

Listen, the technology's improved: it's hard to say no to!

Frylock

Ehh, it's so EXPENSIVE, though...

Yeah, but it's been going down the past couple of years. This one cousin of mine- you know Terry? He-he ain't a medical doctor- he's self-taught, though. He passes the savings onto you.

Come on man pick up the phone. [Markula doesn't answer yet] Man, pick up the freakin' phone.

Markula

[phone rings a few times before answering] Why have you disturbed my slumber at this hour?

Do you hear that? Listen...

[Screaming]

Markula

Yes, and it is beautiful.

Uh, not to me man. And I called the cops, and they uh... took one look... and kept driving.

Markula

You leave my tenant alone!

He's screaming his head off over there! I'm about to get my balls up there and uh... make it my business.

Markula

With what? You can't stop him. He will shred you like a sheet.

Yeah, he definitely has me on weight.

Oh, my God...

Markula

Listen... just give him a couple days. He's going through a difficult custody battle.

Stupid bitch!

Just so you know, he's ripping all the copper out of your house, and just hauled ass down the street.

That bitch! Got the minivan and the damn convertible!

Markula

Oh, he's probably just getting some money for a fix.

You see that? Look at that!

Markula

See what?

THAT!

Markula

No I don't see what. Everything is fine Carl, just relax. They're only kids.

They're just- No there's one of them and he's a freaking monster!

Markula

He's not a monst- shhhhh.

I can talk when I want where I wan-

I mean uh... yeah... I don't know... uh... yeah... I was talking about this guy at work, he's a monster...

What does she even need two cars for?!

Markula

Oh, Paul, good morning, and how was your fix? Did you ride the white horse?

[to Carl] What did you do to my house?!

Markula

Carl, what did YOU do to Paul's house?

Look here! I'm getting, uh... I'm uh... I'm having a city, uh... ordinance... neighborhood watch... I'm gonna uh... make some stuff happen, and you better...

Markula

You're so mad.

You clean it up at your own pace, because I know you're big, but...

Markula

Hahahahaha! No one likes you!

I'm so pissed off!