[Carl stares at unreadable writing scrawled all over the side of his house]
MSMeatwad's Voice
Dear Carl, thank you in advance for feeding my dolls while we out in Panama City scaring up venture capital money for my stand-up comedy tour Meatwad Unplugged: No Buns Allowed. And also… we also gettin' a tan. Now remember Dewey and Vanessa won't eat anything but chicken chow mein noodles, and you know Boxy, he eat anything as long as it's deep fried. They need to be walked twice a day, and be sure pick up their doll droppings; you get a fine from the city. Thanks again. Sorry about the house big guy. Sincerely, Meatwad.
All right. What the fuck does this say?
[phone rings]
MMeatwad
Did you find my note?
Oh, was that you, yeah? Thanks for, uh, etchin' it into the side of my house.
MMeatwad
Is you mad? You ain't mad are ya?
Yeah, while we're talkin', you wanna tell me what it frickin' says?
The one on the side of my house!
MMeatwad
Oh, that yeah, well, I don't remember.
[Master Shake and Meatwad play wing men as Frylock talks to Stacie]
AAmber
[eating] This is good.
You're pouring them down your throat! Ya know, if you chewed 'em it would make them a little more enjoyable. Look at you, you don't care.
MMeatwad
Come on, Shake. Frylock's tryin' to get him some down there. Be a good wing man.
I would, but she won't let me have any. I'm afraid to get my hands by the plate. She might suck 'em down.
MMeatwad
Guess who's baaaack!!! Come on everybody, group hug! Boxy, what's wrong?
Don't you ever leave me with that fool again! I'll slit you up the middle!!!
Okay, nothing— motherfucker did not feed us!!!
MMeatwad
I… I will… I will know better next time.
MMeatwad
Frylock, get him off me, please!
[After Rudy shoots Carl with lasers]
RRudy
He was robbing you! Was he trying to rob you?!
No Rudy! He wasn't tryin' to rob us.
MMeatwad
Where is my wal- (points to Master Shake) He took my wallet!
I got the what now? (Rudy shoots Shake with lasers) AAAHH!
Shake? [Music is blaring loudly from a well in the Aqua Teen's front yard] Shake, what the..? Yo, Shake!
[music turns off]:
Hello? Is that you, Frylock?
MMeatwad
When did we get a well?
What are you doing down there?
I was just going to get some water for the village. But I must have slipped, and I blacked out. [He pokes his head out of the well] Where's the women?
Where did this well come from?
MMeatwad
Hey, Frylock. Where the 'hell' did we get this 'well?'
Meatwad, you watch your mouth.
MMeatwad
Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.
C'mon. The 'Old-abandoned-well?' F.., read the press release!
[Reading off the back of a picture of Shake] 'Man falls down 'Old-abandoned-well.'
MMeatwad
Hey, Frylock … ass!
There's only a limited number of those, so, uh, put it back when you're done.
[There is a beeping noise heard from the well] And, so is my dinner.
MMeatwad
Somethin' smells like chili!
For the first time in his mealy, friggin' little life! Turns out there's an 'old-abandoned-microwave' where I got stuck. With chili, food, couple magazines. So, call channel five, get them broads over here, and tell them about the tragedy of my trappedness. Work in to it, though. Build it up. [He goes back into the well] Hot women only!
MMeatwad
[Holding a hose down the well] Turn this ass-monkey on, full blast!
Will you quit sayin' ass!
MMeatwad
I just ASSed you to do somethin' for me.
Meatwad, you watch your mouth.
MMeatwad
I said 'ask!' Blast-hole.
MMeatwad
(notices the dirtfoot of the couch) Hey, who's this ol' boy?
Oh, that's my roomate, more like 'doom-mate'.
That's the legendary dirt monster Dirtfoot.
Oh, don't even look at him.
MMeatwad
You're kidding, the Dirtfoot.
Yeah, thanks for not rinsing out your dishes in the sink Dirtfoot, that's really legendary of you.
I always thought Dirtfoot was just a hoax.
And he likes to leave his very real, giant sock, draped over the couch like a freakin' Afgahn, so that others may enjoy the serenity, of his 2000 year old footsweat! (He kicks the couch and Dirtfoot growls at him). Let's, ah, move over here. (He leads Frylock and Meatwad to the kitchen). This guy is driving me ape shit.
Well, why don't you just evict him? I mean, it's your well isn't it?
Shut up, man. (He covers Frylock's mouth and looks over at Dirtfoot). Um, because he hurts me.
MMeatwad
Well, I always heard that Dirtfoot was kind of a...
Here we go. What Meatwad what.
Well, legend says that Dirtfoot was...you know, kind of a asshole.
(Runs over to Dirtfoot). You see, I'm not the only one! (But then Dirtfoot gets up ans looks at him angrily). No, don't! (Dirtfoot kicks him in the stomach). It wouldn't be much of a problem except he keeps kicking in the exact same spot.
Well, Shake, I've seen him, we got to go.
Okay, but before you go, please, get some chicks? I got receptio down here. (Dirtfoot kicks him of screen and the elevator closes and Frylock smiles). Why must you kick?
MMeatwad
It's okay, Shake, because whoever you decide that you are, I still gonna love you. But just not in a gay way, because God makes all people in different sizes and shapes and problems, but he only makes the people he hates gay. That's you. You it, boy. You gay!
No, I'm not! You don't know me! *runs off upset*
MMeatwad
Hey Frylock, what does that gay mean?
[Reading a bill from their mailbox] All right, let me see what we got here, hmm, bill … $2,600 … $2,600! What the … ! [Meatwad slams the front door and locks it] Hey! Hey, open the dam door!
MMeatwad
[Meatwad is using the hair dryer] What?
MMeatwad
Oh, wait... what?
MMeatwad
Oh, okay. [Turns off hair dryer and opens door] Sorry I was featherin'
Featherin'? Featherin' what?
You don't have hair! [Meatwad begins to cry] Okay, okay, Meatwad I'm sorry, you have hair, you have beautiful, sticky, wet hair.
MMeatwad
[Stops crying] Why thank you. Don't mess with it.
Well I'm gonna...roll...with my homies...on Lakeshore. Yeah, that's right.
That's just where we were goin!
And if we have time, we might even....get some hoes.
MMeatwad
(on the roof) And snuggle with 'em and give 'em a kissy-kiss. Cuz they's good girls, even though they hoes.
(to boost mobile phones) Come on dogs, let's roll!
2B2nd Boost Mobile Phone
Bitches and hoes baby!
(the two phones fall into a pitfall trap)
MMeatwad
Uuuggh! (throws a huge boulder on the pitfall)
YES! Now let's go inside and get some SLEEP!
Well, at this point my checks have cleared, so my hands are unfortunately tied at this point. You realize I'm an action hero?! I don't have time for this crap! YES, I said crap! [Throws down the phone]
[More than ten Boost Mobile phones materialize outside, looking very angry]
BMBoost Mobile Phone
Hey, DOG! WHERE YOU AT?!
BMBoost Mobile Phone 2
Where you at, dog?!
Woah! You do have molecular transporters! [The phones start hopping closer, drawing switchblades; Shake laughs nervously] Downloadable switchblades! That's a new feat-OH NO!
[The Boost Mobile phones charge into the house, tackling Shake and slamming the door behind them; Frylock and Meatwad stand out in the yard and listen]
ASAXE Spray Can
Hey! It's AXE Body Spray! Where are the girls?
MMeatwad
Naw, there ain't no girls here. Can I help you, though?
ASAXE Spray Can
[Looking uncertainly between Frylock and Meatwad] Uh, yeah. Are you the milkshake guy...?
MMeatwad
Gettin' his ass WHUPPED ON!
ASAXE Spray Can
Is that gonna be long?
MMeatwad
All NIGHT! Can I get you somethin'?
ASAXE Spray Can
No, no, I'm good. I'm in the credits.
[to Carl] Hey Carlina! Wow.
Oh yeah I get it. You knock me out, dress me like a woman and then take pictures of me. Laughs on me huh?
Well you see Carl heh.. uh.. you're not just dressed like a woman.
Well, it's pretty simple really. I removed your dick so no one will have no need to remove it.
[Carl's crotch begins to bleed] So the giant blood stain is uh... is that me having my period I guess? He he.
Could be. Or it could be just the spot where I snipped your dick off.
MMeatwad
You're taking this pretty good, Carl. Kudos.
[Frylock and Meatwad are making a dog in Carl's pool]
MMeatwad
It ain't workin'.
MMeatwad
I'm gonna break it.
Oh, you're supposed to add DNA.
It stands for: Do Not, uh.... enter my pool... Ass man."
See, see what they're doing? I don't know he even knows!
Carl, do me a favor and spit in that pool.
MMeatwad
Oh, is this your pool?
MMeatwad
Can I go swimming?
How about if I swim in it?
MMeatwad
Well, do you mind if we make a dog in it?
Yeah, I do mind. Very much, if that's cool.
You haven't been using it!
Just because I haven't been using it doesn't mean like..... here, turn it into a dog laboratory!
MMeatwad
There's a Hand Banana. Good boy.
Oh, he's not a boy anymore... he's a man. 'Cause he just raped me!
Do you think you could back that up?
Listen to this guy, "can back that up"... I got bruises to prove it!
No, no. I mean that ass. Back it up... yeah.
Do you hear what he's saying here?!
Sound like someone wants to get raped again!
Aqua Teen Hunger Force · 785 quotes
