Meatwad quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Frylock

All right, the running man.

Oh no no no, I power walk.

Frylock

So, how far'd you run, Meatwad?

I powerwalked down to that pile o' gummy bears and back. I should probably set the pile out further … or closer, so I can get at 'em.

Frylock

Maybe you shouldn't eat the gummy bears once you —

Well, that's the half-way point! Shit, you don't put the gummy bears out, then there ain't no reason to run! Or powerwalk which is what I did.

Master Shake

I don't know why your exercising. It's just sweat that you're gonna have to wash off. Exercising's for dummies and women.

Yeah, you oughta hop on my diet, man. Started it two days ago and I'm already at my target weight.

Which'un?

South Bronx Paradise Diet, baby! Yeeeeah! The twist is you eat MORE than you want, then you supplement that with this special candy bar. And it ain't like them sissy No Crabs diet either.

Frylock

I think that's No Carbs, Carl.

See, but I have crabs. So I don't qualify for that. Have I told you that before?

Frylock

Yeah.

Funny story-

Master Shake

Well, I don't have to watch what I eat OR what I do. Call me Mr. Untouchable!

Frylock

Yeah, and that's why you're a candidate for heart disease.

Master Shake

Well...I have three hearts...cuz I'm from Tattooine. And my mother-

Frylock

No you're not.

Master Shake

Really? Cuz you know I get my physical every year...on Alderaan!!

Frylock

That didn't happen.

Master Shake

[visibly frustrated] Well...I...I am from the Dagoba System!

Mmmmm. This here's a good steak. A little chewy, but it will do.

Frylock

Well, because the steak is a … cat toy.

Frylock

But, I don't know why a cat would play with a steak, but, I just put it in there to get you excited about your real dinner: this, uh, celery stalk right here. Mmmm!

Well, it ain't workin'. Now, if you expect me to eat this, you gonna have to supply me with some wing sauce.

Frylock

How about a twist of lemon?

How about a twist of I gouge your motherfuckin' eyes out? Get me the goddamn wing sauce!

Frylock

Eww! It's a human liver! [pokes liver] Is this yours, Carl?

Oh, all right. I don't know, who cares? It's dead weight is what that is.

C-c-can I have it?

Frylock

No, Meatwad!

What? I'm about to die of hunger here! I need meat!

You're...ah...you're frickin Dusty Gazongas! I seen your billboard on the interstate there. You dance out at the Wild Wild Chest.

No, you thinkin of that girl down at Funbag Junction. That's Busty Bazookas.

Master Shake

I think you're talking about Nipple Hut.

You're thinking Crotch Town.

Master Shake

Crotch Town?

Crotch Town?

Yeah, it's near Boob-burg, but Boob-burg....eh, kinda weak.

What IS my name?

You're Dusty Gazongas.

That's my name!!! [giggles]

I can't believe that you let a silly woman get between you and your friendship.

Frylock

'Specially one that doesn't even know who you are.

Master Shake

It's disgusting, isn't it? Breaks my heart that I have to sue his ass back to the stone age.

I'm right here, Shake! You wanna go right now? We'll go right now!

Master Shake

C'mon, fat boy!

Where are ya?

Whoa, whoa, break it up guys, and listen to me. Love's a wonderous thing. But there's more to it than the physical experience, like … like … oh, hell, I dunno, she had some tig-ole-bitties, didn't she?

Frylock

Yeah, she did.

Amen to that.

Shake

Oh, God, how much longer? Egypt is so boring. It doesn't even exist anymore, I mean, you don't hear DMX rap about it!

I find that this is highly effiligent in edumacationus for my brain, because, I am smart, boy!

Master Shake

You tell me how this is gonna help you get a high-powered six-figure job. You think they ask Tom Cruise this stuff before he signs on his movies? No one has to know this, ever!

Frylock

Shake, just go back to the gift-shop and let Meatwad and I enjoy the exhibit, okay?

Master Shake

You need me here! I am a strong counterpoint to the headphones!

Man, You're thinking of stealing that shirt, don't you?

Shake

Yeah, think about it. Yes. Now take the form of a hammer!

Hey, make sure my house is completely crushed if you could.

It's okay, they're in love. Hey, where you goin'?

What're you doing? You missed my car! [Destroying his own car] Help me out with this!

It's the middle of fucking July! I was sleeping!

Well, uh...

Those faggoty elves don't even come in 'til September!

I can't see too well with the soccer ball lids...

Frylock

It's okay.

...I believe this is Jeffy's house, and if I remember correctly...he wants a wooden train.

Frylock

Great! Did you hear that Meatwad?

All right, Jeffy's getting his very own...

Wooden brain.

Frylock

Train, you idiot! Train!

Don't you talk ugly to me! I'll send ya to the moon with my magic shirt.

Frylock

[resigned] Yeah, I know, Master.

Jeffy's just gonna have to bite the bullet on this one. Because it has been a long night, and we ain't even done the eastern seaboard yet.

Just give it to him, he's...not a, not a bright child.

Shake

Master, can I ask a question? You said we'd be trading off at some point. Is that close?

We gonna finish up America, then we do Europe, then you knock out the Middle East yourself.

Shake

Fuck you!

Cry me a river, bitch!

So what...what kind of germs he got there?

Frylock

Hypno-germs, Meatwad. Their only interest is to control your mind.

Oh thats right, and I'm an asshole for asking.

Master Shake

That is a lie and you are liar for saying that. I've never been to Branson in my life.

Frylock

Don't tell me you don't remember that. It was just last week!

Yeah, you ate that batch of bad ribs after the Gatlin Brothers concert and made Frylock blow the door off that truckstop bathroom because you said you couldn't wait for the bathroom key, squeezin' your butt cheeks together tryin' to keep it in.

Master Shake

I don't even know Charles Branson. Someone's losin' their mind, Jack, 'cause that never happened. [pointing to Meatwad] He's already lost his. [looking at Frylock] I'm lookin' at you, big boy.