Meatwad quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

[to Shake] Hey boy, I'm Commander Meat, and you are in direct violation of Space Treaty 109. Your ass is mine.

Master Shake

Ah HA! Treaties only go up to 103. Everyone from space knows that.

Well, I mean I know that. I was just playin' with you.

Master Shake

Those treaties are very real and very serious. [realizes Meatwad has the ehelmet Shake gave to Frylock] Is that, where did you get- That is not your ehelmet!

Well yeah it is. 'Cause Frylock said it was stupid, that's why I could wear it, 'cause I don't know no better.

Master Shake

What are you doing?

Painting you with honey.

Master Shake

Eh, that could be cool ... [notices a package on the ground] Is that... is that my package?

Nuh-uh. This is MY package.

Master Shake

No it's not, it's mine!

I'm allowed to get a package if I want to.

Master Shake

OK, so what's in your package that's not mine?

I dunno, let's see ... (opens package) BEES, BOY, BEES!!!

Master Shake

AHH, CARL!!! HELP! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY BEES HERE!!!!

Bees? didja get that link I sent you, about the woman having sex with a bee?

Master Shake

Will you shut up?!

Here's something that must be attached to your head.

Master Shake

I just may. What is it?

Well, it's an e-booger. See, it allows...booger transmission...to the snot network!

Master Shake

WAIT!!

I wiped it on you, boy!

Master Shake

Wipe it off! Great, it's gonna harden now.

What are you doin' ?

Shake

We are advancing the world with technology

Cuz it looks like... dem boys is... that droids in heat..

Frylock

Meatwad back away, that's not something you should be seeing.

Will someone tell me what's going on here?

They makin babies out here.

Shake

We need the intelligence helmets... to give them reason. Frylock, order the intelligence helmets immediately.

Do Standard Delivery.

Shake

Same Day! Same Day! It's gotta be same day!

Good mornin'! I'll have me two Steak-Umms.

Shake

You're about to learn the value of a hard... day's... night! Because you need to get out there, and start working on a job!

That'd be a violation of child labor laws.

Frylock

Well, he is right. He's too young...uh, besides, there are sanitation issues...

That's right! This hand, been up my butt... but I'll touch your food all day long with it!

Shake

Well, your congressman will know about how... bullcrap... this is!

Where's your phone?

You can call Candyland with this one, talk to Gumdrop Larry. You need a calling card made of candy.

[smacks the toy phone out of Meatwad's hands] You are in big trouble! I want the real phone, and I want it now, or I will tear your soul apart!

[crying] I'm tellin'! I am tellin'!

Tell who? The hounds of Hell will feast upon you, and I'll make it happen!

[crying and trying to open a bottle of pills] Can I have some imodium ad?

What did I tell you about the hounds of Hell you retarded mutant?!

You said they was gonna get me.

You can have a pill. [takes pill bottle] Here let me help you open it. [throws pill bottle out the window] Go see if they're open. [throws Meatwad out same window]

Okay.

SOMEONE BROKE A WINDOW THAT NEEDS A SPANKING!! [starts up sawing feature]

[starts running] OH MY GOD!!!

So it's either you definitely should not play with matches, or you definitely should.

It's definitely one or the other.

Which one you think it is, Carl?

Please come visit me dawg

Frylock

Oh no!

Oh yeah!

Frylock

Oh Hell no!

Hell yeah!

Frylock

We are not doing this again. No way.

Yeah way!

Frylock

This is MC Pee Pants isn't it? Isn't it?!

No.

Frylock

Okay fine. Sir-Loin right?

Nope.

Frylock

Okay, well who is it, then?

Guess. [looking back and forth at a poster] Where are my eyes lookin'?

Frylock

Will you just tell me who he is? 'Cause I'm not gonna look at your poster.

This here's Little Brittle and the C-bag. And he's kickin' it, elderly school.

Master Shake

Where do you two think you're going?

Frylock

Wherever the hell we want.

Master Shake

Not without me!

We're going to see Little Brittle at the old folks home.

Master Shake

Go without me!

Frylock

(Flipping through pictures) You don't remember meeting us? Okay, a couple of years ago, you were a six-foot-tall spider that wanted us to help you drill a hole into the earth to unleash demons to run your global diet pill pyramid scheme.

The what?

Frylock

All right, what about this one? A year later, you were a cow that tried to get us to bring all our garbage to you so you could use flies to evaporate the walls of a bank so you could get the money and-- Ooh.

Frylock

--Uh... so you could get the money to rent patio furniture that you hadn't paid for yet.

And this is us at dinner right before we sent you to the slaughterhouse.

Frylock

Why don't you just become Christian?

That way when you die, you go to heaven, away from bad ol' Satan.

Can I do that? I mean, are they cool with vampires, because I gots to feast on blood!

Frylock

No, you can only become one or the other. And the other, which is a vampire, is impossible.

Well then I guess I'm a Christian. Oh yeah, bringin in the sheaves ya'll! Who knew I had it in me? I did. Now kill me, quick!

Frylock

We're not going to kill you. The moral thing to do is to let you die naturally..alone, in a pile of your own filth.

Look, it's easy. Just build a time machine, go back into prehistoric times with a satellite tracking device and a laser gun, blow up the comet, save all the dinosaurs so they don't die out and create fossil fuels, so there ain't no energy to feed my food tube.

Or we could just pull this plug right here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..do that!

[to Shake] Hey, hey. Yeah, you. Where is my high powered video game console? I will kick some ass if I do not find it.

Shake

I told myself I wouldn't do this, but you've been so good this week that I upgraded it with these special chips.

[Eating the crumbs] Mmmmh, thems chocolate chips.

Shake

Yeah, and "thems", ants! It's a new game called "Ant Madness" only this time, the game is real. Can you handle it?

Deliciously. Hows it work? What's the object? How many bosses must I face?

Shake

It is a race against time and terror to save the world starring Eric Stoltz.

Oh, yea yea I play this all the time.

Shake

Play again! Hurry man, before there's still time!

[rolling around in ants] Just roll around in there?

Shake

Yeah just piss them off real good.

Hello lady or gentleman of the house. My name is insert name and I am the one and only Moon Master, savior of..uh.. [looks up to see Shake and Meatwad dressed as moon masters] Oh man. They already talked to you didn't they?! Dammit!

Shake!! Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Sha-

Master Shake

(screams angrily) What?!

(sees Shake glaring at him in front of the Aqua Teen door) Oh, so you just waltz out here and think that you gonna face a true warrior? ..and then, ya know.. sign my sheet and be part of my warrior list..

Master Shake

Oh you better believe I will! After these messages![He goes inside and watches TV. Meatwad calls him again. He comes outside and uses a shotgun and shoots Meatwad's toy sword]

You done messed up the Lunar Sceptor! There is but one in the known galaxy! Well, thank God I bought the three-pack.

Master Shake

Thank God I brought three shells. Come on, whip 'em out.

Well, whip on this. [pulls out an amulet] All right, hang on. Sha na na na na, sha na na na.

Master Shake

What the hell are you doing?

G-Get a job.

Master Shake

"Get a job?" What?

You feelin' like any sorta like, meltin' sensation?

Master Shake

No, but if I do I'm going to totally tell on you and then you'll have to go to jail.

No, no, no! Please, don't tell!

Master Shake

Oohhh, now that you mention it...

No, no, don't, just, I-I won't do it again. I won't do it again. But stand still.. I'm gonna do it again. Sha na na na-

Impossible, the lunar melting amulet is constructed of high tensile moon noodles. No mortal man can destroy it.

Master Shake

Yeah, that's right.

Then you, too, are a moon master!

Master Shake

Now and forever.

Hey Carl, how's it going?

Hey what?

I'm just power walking.

What are you frickin' doing that for? You're just gonna die.

Yeah I know, but I need to drop a couple pounds. My feet's so fat I can't get into my roller skates, and my neckerchief don't fit anymore...look at this...[squeezes neckerchief on]...eeeeeehhh eeeh! [it doesn't fit at all] 'This a stickup!' It don't work. I do this at a bank robbery, I look like a fool.