Meatwad quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Shake

Who let the hippie in here? I got news for you, pal: The dead are dead, okay? So maybe what you're looking for is soap, which is at the grocery store. You know, food you don't have to pick?

Frylock

Shake...

Shake

They sell meat there...

Frylock

Uh, Shake?

Shake

...and while you're at it --

Frylock

Shake!

Shake

Now! Shut up! I'm talking to him!

Frylock

He's George Washington!

[sighs] I am.

Shake

Well, what the hell is he doing next to my Benjamins?

I have come bearing a message. Great Britain sought taxes from the colonies, and they paid for their greed with blood. Now, do you understand the price of avarice?

Shake

Take him out.

Wait! NO! [Frylock shoots him repeatedly with a shotgun]

[holding gun to his own head, with several smoking holes] I done took him out didn't I?

Master Shake

Yeah... you really took him out...

I knew I took him out..hee hee yeah! Hey, did I take him out?

Frylock

Ah, we should have cloned twenties. Jackson wouldn't have given a shit.

Master Shake

[from inside Carl's house] Get your mouth off of me! Yeah we moved to Honolulu, shut up!

Ay, you know what? They actually moved to Honolulu. Can you believe that? I just found this out.

Oh, well...then give me my note back.

Happy Time Harry

Hey did you hear- aw jeez. They're in the house!

That's impossible. They moved to Honolulu.

We ain't moved to no Honolulu-

Master Shake

[kicks Meatwad] Shut up.

Welcome to Video Oujia.

[slowly] Spirits that haunt this house....COME OUT! And play with me!

Master Shake

What do you think you're runnin' the Matrix? You're gonna break that thing.

SSSHH! You disturbin the presence...

Frylock

Shake, he needs silence so he can talk to the dead.

Master Shake

What he needs is lack of oxygen so he can become the dead.

Frylock

Okay, Meatwad. Time to put the game up. It's gettin' late.

Come on!! Just one more dead person, please? Just one more dead guy.

Frylock

All right, one more.

Spirits that haunt this house. Tell me...what was we talkin' 'bout?

My sister's baby.

Oh yeah, one them other dead boys told me about that. How she doin?

She's dead. We're all dead.

Well at least she had all her fingers and toes, you know what I mean?

Please, all together, hold hands.

No, no no no. No, no. No, sir. I don't know what kinda vibe you think got off me but I don't play that way. I'm not that way!

Frylock

Carl..

I don't uh... do both sides of the field. Offense and defense, you know, with the short shorts? No-

Frylock

Carl, it's just a seance, it's not that way, come on, will ya?

Now, please. Kiss him deep with tongue.

Do what?!

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho. Just kid. Just kid, dirty boy. Touch hands.

You boyfriend and boyfriend!

Frylock

Meatwad!

Please. Read from sheets. I Am...

I Am...

Sofa King...

Sofa King...

We Todd Ed...

We Todd Ed...

Now, repeat all very fast, please.

I Am Sofa King...

Faster.

I Am Sofa King We...

No, no, not so fast. Loses meaning.

I Am Sofa King We Todd Ed.

Hohohohoh, you say funny thing.

Frylock

Amazing! Do you realize that now this chip can be inserted into a microbot that enter into someone's skin through a pore-

[takes microchip] Or it can be inserted into the mouth, manually, so it can battle hunger and taste good. [swallows microchip]

Frylock

Tell me you didn't just eat that frickin'-

Well boy you said it was a chip. So where's the dip? Or am I lookin at him?

Master Shake

Oooooh! You did not even just do that! You are so dead! Oh NO you DIDN'T! Oh my God!

Master Shake

Alright, my teeth feel gritty, and I'm gonna lie down.

Frylock

I need that chip Meatwad. One way...or the other.

Oh okay. Fecal matter. Stool sample.

Frylock

Don't talk about it, just do it.

Well I don't do it. My body consumes all waste material. It's like the Thunderdome in here, only, two men enter...no man leaves. Rated R.

Frylock

No!

Starring Mel Gibson, and Master Blaster.

Frylock

Are you serious?!

Yep.

Frylock

You don't...

Don't what?

Frylock

Uuuhh...

Come on.

Frylock

Uuhh...you know...

Look, we are all adults here. You can say it.

Frylock

Uh, poop?

[laughing] YOU SAID POOP!! Hey Shake, Frylock said poop in here!

Master Shake

[from bedroom] Poop! HAHAHA! [vomits] HAHAHA! Poop!

Shake

What happened? Did he buy it?

I bought me some gum.

Shake

Where did you get gum?

Where did you get gum?

In there. In the gum aisle.

Err

Perfect.

Shake

That's not what we sent you in there for!

But that's what I come out with.

Tell me, were there weenie-wraps?

Microwaveable, but weenie-wraps none the less.

Weenie-wraps intrigue me.

Yup, and they had burger-drops.

Err

Burger-drops! (jumps through the window and starts shooting lasers).

And burrito-cakes.

Master Shake

I thought they stopped making those.

And pizza-balls

Master Shake

Pizza-balls?!

Do they have lil' turkey-muffins?

What are standards and practices?

Frylock

Well, that's an interesting question Meatwad. Here, let's take a look at this video.

Standards and practices are a vital link in keeping good and funny ideas away from you, the television viewer. Watch how this nun reacts when we blow her brains out.

No! Permission not granted!

Oh no, somebody's going to get an e-mail. What's a better, more acceptable solution.

That's right a happy & colorful rainbow. Although not nearly as funny, it's guaranteed not to offend the black people.

No! Unacceptable!

Ooo, did I say black? I meant to say minorities?

Acceptable!

Looks like someone's about to get an "A". By following the rules, you're guaranteed to make a mediocre product that no one can relate to.

Frylock

So you see Meatwad, THAT's why I can't say the J word.

I don't understand any of this sh*t! [Red Check mark appears]

Frylock

That's ok Meatwad, no one else will either.

Hey. Hey. Hey, hey. Do a search ... for free pizza. Then see if it come out this drive. [looks in empty cup] Is this a drive?

Frylock

I'm reading my news, if you don't mind.

News is good food for your mind, but I want food for my mouth.

[muttering] You better hear what I'm sayin', I'll unplug this whole computer...

So, what was we talkin 'bout here?

Frylock

Well people say they're seeing the face of, the J-man, and they're claiming to be healed.

Uh-huh. Who's the J-man?

Frylock

Ya know...starts with a J, son of...G. Died and went to H...on the C?

Died on the C...Commode. Commode! Elvis! It's Elvis!

Frylock

No, but he was a king. And he did live in a Graceland of sorts. [Frylock sighs as Meatwad continues to not get it] He looks like Ted Nugent.

Oh yeah, I know that ol' boy! It's Je-

Frylock

Don't say it! Let's just call him...Gee Whiz.

Dear Gee Whiz, please bless thine presence with a 16-inch thick crust meat craver's special, with the mild sauce. Amen. And please bring a side of wings while we wait.

Frylock

Meatwad, what the hell are you doing?!

Shut up! He's making pizza!

Oh, Boy I apologize. My hormones are goin' nuts. Now please, if you would, get the fuck out of my way. I mean, how many times do I have to fucking write ice cream on this fucking list before someone gets their shit in gear, and brings home the fucking ice cream! Maybe I should get a steak knife AND ETCH INTO YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FOREHEAD! HOW HARD CAN IT FUCKING BE!!!!! ICE MOTHERFUCKING CREAM!!!!! I GUESS THAT'S THE PRICE I PAY FOR LIVING WITH TWO FUCKING MORONS!!!!!

Master Shake

What happened to courtesy? Did it just disappear?

Frylock

I just can't believe it.

Master Shake

WHO WOULD MAKE LOVE TO THAT??! How do you make love to...do you have a book...how do you do it, I'm asking.

Why don't you just go to the hose, drink you some water? Like the dog you are.

Master Shake

I'm not turning on some analog faucet to drink some barbaric water. The mouth is a primitive hole that will soon be phased out; you better start takin' some pictures of those!

Could you phase it out now? Cuz it's pissin' me off.