A character in Animaniacs
Played by Tress MacNeille
Animaniacs · 261 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Animaniacs: in 109 of its 261 quotes
Most scenes with: Yakko (98), Wakko (83), Warners (29)
[John Wayne is shooting a movie]
You can still surrender, pilgrim.
Nope. Draw, Sheriff.
Alright, but I warn ya. [reaches for his gun, but instead of his gun, he pulls out Dot by mistake]
DotBang!
Huh?
Dot[plants a huge kiss on Wayne's lips] Say you'll never leave me! Say we'll always be together!
[John Wayne screams]
This is the city: Los Angeles, California. On a starlit winter's night, when the moon was shining bright...Back in January of 1994, at 4:30 in the morning, and without a single warning, something strange began to move the floor. A quake! a quake! The house begins to shake! You're bouncing 'cross the floor and watching all your dishes break. You're sleeping, there's a quake, you're instantly awake. You're leaping out of bed and shouting.
Oh, for heaven's sake!
I ran outside with neighbors, their faces filled with shock. That's because I'm standing there In nothing but my socks. Oh, a quake, a quake.
DotSay, it's all a big mistake!
Just feel the ground go up and down!
Won't someone hit the brake? A quake, a quake, oh, what a mess they make! The bricks, the walls, the chimney falls, destruction in its wake!
I did not have insurance, so I called them from the scene And suddenly I'm listening to an answering machine, saying:
Too late! Too late! You shouldn't ought-a wait! So now you're stuck, we wish you luck! Here comes a 6.8! Whose fault? Whose fault? The San Andreas' fault, cause Mr. Richter can't predict her kicking our asphalt! Seismologists all say tectonic plates are in between an encroaching crustal mantle.
Yeah, so what the heck's that mean?
It means a quake! A quake!
Oh, really, yeah, no fake? We kinda had that feeling When the ground began to shake!
California's great! It's such a lovely state! 'Cause every lawn is sitting on a continental plate! Los Angeles had fires and a riot and a flood and then a drought and a recession and then now we hear this thud of a quake, a quake!
How much more can we take?!
DotWe thought that we had seen it all...
But this one takes the cake! The dirt,
DotThe rocks,
And all those aftershocks!
It's just the planet moving granite several city blocks! [to the tune of London Bridge] LA town is falling down while the ground moves around! We won't let it get us down, we're Californians!
A quake.
DotA quake.
It's time to pull up stake.
We're all fed up, we can't deny it!
DotFires, quakes, and floods, and riot!
We want someplace with peace and quiet. So we're moving to Beirut!
In Hollywood, they have a different language that they speak.
It's spoken by those folks who went to school for just one week.
DotIt's found inside Variety, a magazine they use.
And no one understands it when they read the movie news.
DotLike "Hix makes pix but the flick needs fix"...
Means someone made a movie that bombed.
Dot"The VEEPS in charge are now at large"...
Means everyone involved is gone.
Dot"The plot conflix, no beautiful chix"...
So it's comin' out on video soon.
Dot"They're takin' their licks 'cause the critics say nix"...
And the editors are gonna try to fix it in the mix.
DotWell, "the stock sees green" on page 13...
Means Disney's up a nickel a share.
Dot"Stallone cuts deal for a major reel"...
Means Rocky Number VI, so beware!
DotIf you want the poop.
Or ya need the scoop.
On Hollywood Town this week, you're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
Dot"A boffo-smash makes Warner cash"...
Means there's gonna be a sequel next year.
DotBut "Paramount hurts and they're losing their shirts"...
Means Schwarzenegger's doing King Lear.
Dot"Oliver Stone does next Home Alone"...
Means he's gettin' paid an arm and a leg. The budget goes "crunch!"...
DotBut his name "packs punch"...
So they called up the accountants and they're gonna "do lunch".
DotWell, "the ratings smile on the O.J. trial"...
Means a movie of the week to premiere.
Dot"Universal cuts deal with Mr. Spiel"...
To do a hundred thousand movies a year!
You gotta play it smart If y'wanna be part Of the crowd that's hip and chic! You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
Normal talk makes producers walk. You might as well speak Greek. You're gonna have to learn.
Or the meeting will adjourn...
Unless, my friend, you learn that Variety speak!
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
Bop, doo, bop, doo, bop, doo, bah, dah!
U.N. me, we had a bag of fun down by the East Riverside!
That United Nations there drives away a fella's care.
183 countries meet down by the East Riverside,
New York, off 42nd Street.
See foreign states with a grudge down by the East Riverside.
United Nations tries to fix wars, famine, and oil slicks.
Boutros Boutros Ghali-gee down by the East Riverside,
Leads the General Assembly.
DotThe gift shop will take traveler's checks down by the East Riverside.
German tourists were not rare buying T-shirts and flatware.
Ate pastry from Liberia down by the East Riverside,
At the U.N. cafeteria.
Took a tour with some Dutch down by the East Riverside
We had a guide from Japan who had a decent pension plan.
Saw costly artwork from Brazil down by the East Riverside,
On which my soda I did spill.
U.N. me, we had a bag of fun down by the East Riverside.
Saw flags on shiny poles from lands with lofty goals.
We'll beat our swords into liverwurst down by the East Riverside,
But no one wants to be the first.
But then I guess it could be worse.
We could still sing one more verse.
U.N. me!
[slightly slower] Level and levity, lewd and longevity. Libel, libation, Lanai. Lithium, litigate, legal, legitimate. Liberty, levy and lie.
DotWelcome back. Yakko's now at the L's as he tries to sing all the words in the English language. A slight mistake at the F's—here's what it looked like:
[Shows a previous clip]
Facial and faction and fractal and fraction. And fraudulent, fragrant, frappé Frankincense, frankinship...frankinsish...shoot!...Yada yada flambé!
Now, that mistake could have proved costly for Yakko, but he recovered beautifully.
DotNow let's watch as Yakko continues with the L's.
[starting to get fatigued] Libation and libertine, limited, limousine Limpid and limbo and lime Lima and lipid and literature, liquid And listing and liter and line. There's lobby and loading and loathsome and loaning. And loco and then locomotion. There's lotus and lottery, lobo, lobotomy. Logic and loosen and lotion. Lozenge and lubber and lucky and lover. And lullaby, lumber and Luke. Luster and luscious and lunatic, lustrous. And lurking and lunar and lute.
[overly exhausted] Zachary, Zanzibar, zappy and zamindar. Zillion and Zipcode and Zen. Zany and zoning and zeal and zirconium. Zodiac, zombie, zayin.
DotYakko Warner, now moments away from having sung all the words in the English language. Dick Button, is he going to make it?
If it was anyone else, I'd say no, but he's young, he's resilient; we'll just have to see.
Zigging and zagging and zealous and zebra. And zenith and zap and zaffer. Zeppelin and zipper and zephyr and zither. Then zinc and zombini. And zoo and zucchini. And Zulu and Zorro. Then zit and Zamora. And zero and zoom and - ugh! [falls down]
DotGuess not...
Wait! [struggles up on his knees] Zaire! [falls down again]
[After Yakko sang All the Words in the English Language]
DotHe did it! Yakko Warner has just sung all the words in the English language!
Hey, congratulations, Yakko!
[gets ready to stand up] Thanks, Dick.
Join us next time, when Yakko Warner will sing all of the numbers above zero. Good night!
[Upon hearing this, Yakko bulges his eyes and faints]
[Both Yakko and Wakko run into the hot dog stand guy. The tired Dot walks up normally]
Hi. You must be Mr. Hot Dog Stand Guy.
Maybe I am! WHO ARE YOU?!
I'm Yakko!
I'm Wakko!
Dot[hops into the hot dog stand guy's arms] And I'm cute, you great, big, hunk of a man you. [stretching her arms]
Oh, yeah?! Well, either you buy some hot dogs or LEAVE!!!
[to the viewers] Our new "special friend".
DotYeah. [yawns]
[Both Yakko and Wakko look at each other]
Hey Dot, how about a little enthusiasm?
DotNah. I'm not in the mood for it today.
Hmm...Wanna skip this cartoon?
[Dot nods]
[shrugs] Sure.
Let's go.
[The Warners leave]
Hey. Hey, come back! Hey! This cartoon's my big break! HEY! Sheesh. Stars. [takes off the fake mustache, puts it in the mustard jar, takes off the apron, throws it aside, and walks off]
[The sidewalk reveals to be the set; the lights turned off]
So sister, what's your story?
DotWell, I was born in the wagon of a travelin' show, my mama used to dance for the money they'd throw. Papa would do what...
Not you! Her!
[bursting through the door, singing] It's only one eye, but it's open!
No, not you either. [referring to Hello Nurse] HER!
DotYou said sister!
[facepalm] All he-man detectives call women 'Sister' in the politically unaware decades preceding Women's Liberation. [to Hello Nurse] So sister, [to Dot] who's really not my sister but I'm just CALLING sister... [to Hello Nurse] you're about to describe your caper.
Well, it's a little green pickle that's sometimes found in salads.
[A You Bet Your Life-style fanfare plays]
That is correct! Tell her what she's won!
[hops into Hello Nurse's arms] A date with me!
Can you find him?
Of course, we can find him. [holds her romantically] Now about our fee.
[pulls out the money] I'm prepared to pay well.
Fine. We only ask one thing.
What's that?
Never put us on opposite "60 Minutes"; we'll get creamed. [takes the money and drops Hello Nurse on the butt]
I'm confused.
DotWhat else is new?
Is this true about "The Wagon and the Traveling Show"? I don't remember that.
Dot[to Yakko; annoyed] Can we please move on?
[to Hello Nurse] Tell us, where did you last see your boss?
In the Mambo Room at the Tropicombo Club. A band was playing Latin dance music. I was with the doctor, he mumbled something. The band had a big dumb guy playing drums and everyone was dancing under a pole, then the doctor vanished.
Now, lemme get this straight: He muttered some mumbo-jumbo during the Combo Samba in the Mambo at the Tropicombo. Then there was a jumbo dumbo playing the limbo on the bongos and then he was gone?
That is absolutely correct!
[A You Bet Your Life-style fanfare plays]
Tell her what she's won!
[hops into Hello Nurse's arms again] Another date with me!
How come I always get the booby prize?
DotI'm not touching that one.
to his siblings] Let's hit the road!
I claim this statue in the name of Gulf and Western.
I claim it in the name of Rupert Murdoch.
Uh, by gad, sir. I claim it in the name of Matsu...I mean, Mateshootie...uh...for Seagram's.
Ah, I've got it. The mink is working for Fox, the pair of legs is working for Paramount, and the guy who needs rehearsal's working for Universal!
Dot[dryly] Thank you, Dr. Seuss.
[singing about Googy] The censors all protest, 'cuz she's practically undressed, the cartoon vamp.
DotShe's a tramp!
Hello Googy!
Rita, look! It's an oasis!
Just be quiet, or they'll chase us.
[licking the pitcher of fruit punch] I'm hot, Rita. Definitely, definitely hot.
[to Dot] I'd like a cold refreshing drink for myself and for the mink.
DotBut you'll have to stand in line for Gunga Dot!
Dot[looking at herself in the mirror] Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the cutest one of all?
Helloooooooo, NURSE!!!
[The sexy music plays]
She's the woman of the year, independent, a career,
There's not a thing that she couldn't do.
Oh, she's alert, she's aware, she's got legs like Astaire
And a hundred-fifty-seven IQ.
She has several Ph.D.s, speaks fluent Japanese,
And her shoes will always match with her purse.
Whatever street she's walkin' down, everybody turns around and says...
Helloooooooo, NURSE!!!
She likes cheese and pepperoni, won a Pulitzer and a Tony,
She played the leading role in King Lear.
She never drinks, she never smokes, she never laughs at dirty jokes,
She was ambassador to China last year.
Oh, she's politically correct, she'd never co-collect,
She plays Chopin and she doesn't rehearse.
And when she's walkin' by, I give a little sign And say...
Helloooooooo, NURSE!!!
Wakko:
She gets her math equations right, she reads Tolstoy every night,
She won the Nobel Prize in physics. It's true.
She drives a shiny new Corvette, sings opera at the Met,
Snd volunteers her time at the zoo.
She won a scholarship to Yale, got her Fulbright in the mail,
And took a two-year junior college degree.
She's manna sent from heaven, too bad I'm only seven 'cause,
Hello Nurse, I wish you'd take care of me!
If she's not everything that we've said, then may lightning strike us dead! [lightning struck] Helloooooooo, NURSE!!! [kiss]
There once was a man, his name was Magellan.
A Portuguese skipper, the girls found him cute.
He sailed with five ships to find the East Indies
Then come back to Spain with a bounty of loot.
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, oh, happy Magellan!
Starting your journey with hardly a care!
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, strong, brave Magellan,
You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!
They crossed the Atlantic and spotted a country. Magellan said...
It's the East Indies at last!
But then someone shouted...
Hey, that's Argentina!
Magellan got cranky and chopped down the mast.
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, settle down, Magellan.
Put down that axe! There's no time to despair.
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, keep trying, Magellan,
You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!
A great storm arose in the mighty Pacific.
The five little ships were diminished to three.
At last, land was sighted. Magellan was happy.
But then someone shouted...
DotHey, that's Chile!
Warners:
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, cheer up, Magellan.
Check out your map and don't tear out your hair!
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, keep trying, Magellan,
You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!
It took them five months, but they crossed the Pacific.
They spotted a land that was dotted with palms.
Magellan proclaimed...
Yes! That's the East Indies!
But then someone shouted...
Hey, I think that's Guam!
Ai yi yi yi, oops, Magellan!
Your fun little journey's become a nightmare!
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, keep trying, Magellan,
You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!
They sailed due west to the Philippine Islands.
Magellan was pleased as the natives drew near.
But then someone shouted...
I think they're attacking!
Magellan said...
What?
And got hit by a spear.
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, farewell, Magellan!
You almost made it! It's really not fair!
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, oh, ghost of Magellan,
The East Indies Islands were right over there!
Come in, be a smarty!
The shindig's 'bout to starty!
The gang's all here!
DotLet's give a cheer...
For the big wrap party tonight!
There's chow galore!
DotSo open the door...
To the big wrap party tonight!
We're dining buffet style with food from every nation.
So plan to stop a while and join the celebration!
They've come for fun and feastin'.
DotWe've even let the Beast in.
Let's go hors d'oeuvre-in' and see what they're servin'
At the big wrap party tonight.
There's manicotti for Dotty,
Soft shell taco for Yakko,
And Wakko is ready for a truck load of spaghetti
At the big wrap party tonight.
Hello Nurse is eating liverwurst,
Thaddeus Plotz has red hots.
Ralph the Guard is cooking with lard.
The apron that's cute is Dot's.
Take a whiff, Dr. Scratchansniff.
DotNo veal in the meal for Miss Flamiel.
The Flame keeps a-glowin'. The punch bowl's overflowin'
At the big wrap party tonight.
The Randy Beaman kid is eatin' fried squid
At the big wrap party tonight.
The pasta by Pesto is the besto.
DotBobby helps Squit, who's choking on a pit!
The cheese balls are nectar to Mr. Director...
At the big wrap party tonight.
The Great Wakkorotti has gone to the potty at the big wrap party tonight.
Runt bakes the bundt cakes.
DotA pocket of pita for Rita.
Nuttin' but mutton for Mindy and Buttons.
Sylvester wants a parakeet-ah.
Katie Ka-Boom can clear out a room.
A pie, key lime...
DotIs headed for the mime!
Chicken Boo is eating tiramisu
At the big wrap party tonight.
The entire crew came from Acme Loo
For the big wrap party tonight!
Get another nappy for Slappy.
More bean dippy for Skippy.
Extra chippos for the Hip Hippos.
The Brain's eating pizza that's drippy.
Minerva Mink's leavin' with Steven.
A hot cocoa drinky for Pinky.
Yakko and Wakko
Don't allow tobacco
At the big wrap party tonight!
It's happy hour in the water tower
At the big wrap party tonight!
In our toon careers, these are the golden years!
We've loved the jokes, so thank you, folks!
You've eaten your fill, now here's the bill For the big wrap party...
Pay with your credit cardy!
At the big wrap party tonight!
The big wrap party tonight!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Animaniacs pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
